I would love for this to be the case. In the real world, countries have nukes, but would nuclear power deploy nukes if they were invaded by another nuclear power, i think not.
Are you kidding me? If the 1970s Soviets/Warsaw pact had invaded western Europe including France it would be *very* easy to see France or US in Germany using tactical nukes on invading armored columns
If Iran in the next few years (or Iraq in 1991) had nuclear weapons and was invaded by a western alliance, you bet that that the regime in charge would have seriously considered using nukes.
If India launched a massive invasion of Pakistan, the regime would be seriously tempted to use nukes.
If a massive alliance of arab armies invaded Israel and were winning, you bet Israel would use nukes, even if some arab country had developed an arsenal too.
Similarly North Korea. You really don't think the regime would use nuclear weapons to try to stop themselves being overthrown?
If the survival of your state is at stake, there is a very high chance that you will use your nukes to defend yourself.
(think what if russia attacked the US, would anyone want to be the first top start throwing non-conventional weapons.)
I think you don't understand the psychology involved of the military and political leaders.
Go watch 13 days - or Dr. Strangelove.
Existential threats kick in the fight or flight response, and some people choose fight.
More importantly though, there is the gameplay factor.
Its just terrible for gameplay if you could invade and conquer a nuclear power without them using their nukes on you.
IMO using planet destroying weapons should um, destroy the planet.
What makes you think they're planet destroying?
There have been dozens of detonations of nuclear weapons over the last 50 years, for testing purposes, including many atmospheric tests (eg by the US in Nevada, US and France in the Pacific).
Dropping a nuke in a desert or atoll doesn't somehow have less impact on the global environment than dropping it on a city.