Policy on deceased users: Input wanted

[Valka D'Ur]

Few thoughts:

• Yes, the internet has a bunch of trolls and bots who could hack one of our forum accounts and post trash from them. Deactivating accounts where we've learned (through other humans) that the owner has died would help prevent that.
• Of the options discussed, updating the profile page of the account seems least intrusive to me. If I PM someone, and don't get a response, looking at their profile would be one of the first things I do. More of a "pull" notification than a "push."
• An interesting thought about how the site staff would learn this: user A and user B are friends in real life. When user A learns that user B is ill, or dying, that person could opt to notify the staff. I don't think that CivFanatics has a bot or tool to visit online obituaries to learn about this. It's really about personal connections. I appreciate that y'all are giving thoughtful consideration to this, including taking into account cultural differences... USA vs. UK vs. Germany or India or Poland or other countries

The thing about online obituaries is that not everyone has them. I refused to publish one for my father, even though both the nursing home and funeral home were relentless in offering to "help" me. They wouldn't shut up even after I pointed out that I was the only family member left and his only two friends still alive had been told years ago about his condition and that he did not remember them. So what would be the point? They kept pushing, saying it would be a "nice memento" for me, and couldn't understand when I kept saying no.

Online obituaries have become sources for identity theft and unscrupulous ad companies and "memorial" businesses to cash in on the grief of the deceased person's family and friends and acquaintances. So unless an obituary is affiliated with a real newspaper, take it with a truckload of sodium chloride.

 

[The_J]

We would not be actively checking if anyone of our members is not anymore among us. This would seem... inappropriate. We also don't know the real identity of the vast majority of people around here. But if we get notified, then we should take it into account.

We'll come to a conclusion for this soon btw.

 

[Blue Monkey]

As a long time member of a subforum ( Civ 3 C & C) with many regular contributors who have reached a phase of life where such things get serious consideration - and being of that ilk myself - this is what I would suggest as far as public acknowledgements and changes to accounts::: -

1) provide some way for members to let staff know in advance what they would prefer be done as far as avatars, signatures, family contact, etc. This should be as much a matter of personal choice as are funerals and other sorts of memorials.
2) Keep the account active for a reasonable period of time. Many of us have arrangements in place for a responsible family member or close friend to communicate with appropriate people here at CFC to inform and express what needs be.
3) I cannot speak to other subforums, but in Civ 3 C & C I think we've done a decent job of memorializing members with posts & threads. anything that's done over the site as a whole should neither detract from nor interfere with the positive customs we as a community have developed for ourselves.

 

[PPQ_Purple]

1) provide some way for members to let staff know in advance what they would prefer be done as far as avatars, signatures, family contact, etc. This should be as much a matter of personal choice as are funerals and other sorts of memorials.

I second this. Everyone is going to want something different. For my part I like to keep my internet personal strictly separate from my real life one. So if I were to die the last thing I'd want is for someone from one to try and contacting the other.

 

[Kyriakos]

Dear all,

we'd like to open up another point for discussion with everyone here.
CFC has now existed for a long time as a forum, and we have users for more than 20 years. With such a big and long standing user base, also unfortunate things happen.
It sadly recently occured again that two of your well known members have passed away (Zkribbler and Cavlancer; last year Rah), and we will certainly miss them.

Since such knowledge will not be common for everyone, we would like to ask what you think we should do with their user accounts (and any similar cases in the future).
Our first thoughts were that we should give them a black and white version of their last avatar and change their user title to "deceased". We have also been pondering about sending a condolence email, in case one of their beloved ones has access to the email account. In addition we could also "deactive" their user account, so that no messages could be posted from their account.
We have not decided about any of this yet, and we would like to hear some input from the community, what you think is best.

Please share your thoughts with us.

Hm...
I think "deceased" is way too formal (and unpleasant) to have as a title. Maybe it is possible to add a smaller icon (I mean one which is a separate file, but superimposed) to their avatar or user title? Maybe a cross or something less conspicuous (eg a flower).

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Hm...
I think "deceased" is way too formal (and unpleasant) to have as a title. Maybe it is possible to add a smaller icon (I mean one which is a separate file, but superimposed) to their avatar or user title? Maybe a cross or something less conspicuous (eg a flower).

No religious symbolism, unless pre-instructed by the member. Even though some people talk candidly about their religious faith, it's still a guess at what symbols they might want used as a memorial, or they might not want any at all.

I know I don't want anyone mucking around with my avatar or usertitle. I chose those myself and they're part of my forum identity, whether I'm here or not.

 

[The_J]

We have listened to your input, thought about it, and we see that our initial proposal wasn't really good.
We especially agree with the fact that we shouldn't remind everyone all the time about someone's passing, this would be setting a bad mood in the forum (which was brought up by multiple people).
The suggestion brought up by amadeus to note it on their profile (with a link to a relevant thread) seems to be the most sensible so far. This is unobtrusive in the forum, but will notify a member if they are really interested in a specific user.
Furthermore we would then probably opt to deactivate the account in a way, which doesn't show here, and disable PMs for this account, so that no PMs are accidentally sent to this account. Since this does not prevent continuing a PM discussion, we would sent a last PM to this account too, so that anyone who has access to this account can still communicate with us, if necessary.
As Blue Monkey points out, if anyone would have specific requests or has made preparations for such a case, then we would surely honour this.

We plan to implement this, unless there are any major objections to this.

 

[Synobun]

That seems alright.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Unobtrusive, but respectful. That's fine, and as long as there's a link to any memorial thread that might exist, people can still read it and add their respects and/or memories if they want to.

 

[The_J]

I just implemented the changes for the users which we know about, and who have been dear to us.
It seems we can also deactivate visitor messages on an account, so I just did that too, this seemed sensible.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I just implemented the changes for the users which we know about, and who have been dear to us.
It seems we can also deactivate visitor messages on an account, so I just did that too, this seemed sensible.

I wonder if people might have used the visitor messages field to express condolences. I wouldn't myself, but others might.

 

[The_J]

I left a last visitor message, informing the reader about the passing and linking to the relevant thread about the passing, so that people can leave condolences if they want to.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I left a last visitor message, informing the reader about the passing and linking to the relevant thread about the passing, so that people can leave condolences if they want to.

That's the best solution.