Headlines on IBS NEWS! Your most reliable information source for all your conspiratory needs!
Rumors abound for the supposed communist infiltration of the United States by Soviet agents along with a sudden economic fall.
The President of the United States, a handsome man of around forty, has agreed for an interview with us today. He appeared to us surrounded by tall men in black suits and sunglasses.
“We are doing well,” the President told us after being pressed on the matter of national security against the Communist threat. “We have survived for nearly a century so far. I am confident that we, the human race, will be able to endure the storm.”
But some are not as confident in the President. “We should be doing more against this communist threat,” said a general currently working in the Pentagon. “I’ve been telling the government to do so for years now, but they wouldn’t listen. That is why those bastards Castros and Kims are still in power. Why don’t yah just shoot’em? I say.”
CLONES?!?!?!
Our sources in the Chinese government have revealed a surprising fact! The Chinese have finally managed to create a cloning vat capable of flashcloning any living human being on this planet.
The Chinese Premier, a handsome man of around forty, have agreed for an interview with us today on the matter. He appeared to us surrounded by tall men in black suits and sunglasses.
“It’s a really interesting piece of work,” the Chinese Premier told us after being pressed on the matter of cloning. “While I don’t presume to know how the vats actually work and what I can use the clones for, I am confident that this will lead to a better China.”
Some members in the government, however, were not as confident as the Premier. “It’s really inefficient,” said a general. “We have the largest population base in the entire damn world, why do we need clones? We should be expanding our traditional military more, instead of wasting funds on such useless ventures.”
Russian Ninjas are trying to kill us all (again)
Our sources in the Soviet government have revealed a surprising fact! Soviet government’s intelligence bureau, the GRU, have been training their newest recruits on the finer acts of espionage and politics.
The Soviet Premier, a handsome man of around forty, have agreed for an interview with us on the matter. He appeared to us surrounded by tall men in black suits and sunglasses.
“I think it’s all well and fine,” the Soviet Premier said after being pressed on the matter. “I am confident that these new recruits will prove a valuable asset to humankind.”
Some members of the government, however, are skeptical of the use of these ninjas.
“The recruits are thrust into a life full of intrigue, blackmail, backstabbing, conspiracy, competition among peers, more backstabbing, harsh working conditions, harsh training and at least 4 violations of basic human rights,” a general who refused to identify himself said. “And they are saying they volunteered for this. What kind of idiots are we dealing with here?”
