Lessons on the Importance of Axes and Fogbusting
Preturn
On a cloudy day, the former ruler of Randomania suddenly collapses into a coma.
Just before he did he whispered something about losing his super powers given to him by the sun.
Nonsensical ramblings of a crazy person if you ask me.
As his second-in-command I was appointed to oversee the country while our leader recovered.
So lets do that shall we?
Randommania looks good...settler due in 7.
I hear grumblings from the warrior defending the city....he's bored.
His incessant whining annoys me. I send him to fogbust for the new city.
I tell him to bring me back some sushi, a glass of milk and a coonskin cap.
I send Ron out to prepare the truffles for wide spread sale.
I want the whole world to know of our delicious truffles.
Especially Catherine...foxy lady!
We will need to advertise, determine our key demographics, and build warehouses to store them.
So much will need to be done and quickly.
Ron says: "So you just want me to build a cottage, right?"
Meanwhile, at Heliohille, the fisherman are producing quite the bounty and feeding the citizens. However, the farmers are complaining about not having any place to store the grains that they are harvesting. I tell them that we are building a granary to serve that purpose so don't get your knickers all twisted. Apparently, the crops are ready for harvest
NOW and they can't wait 25 years for the granary to be completed. I don't appreciate them telling me what to do so they are sent to build it themselves.
Funny, I never heard back from those farmers.
Rons buddy Jon is going to build the copper mine for us.
I like shiny things...plus I have this stack of wood behind the castle that I really need chopped.
I receive word from Kenishi that the views from his mountain resort are spectacular.
He can see for miles around and is quite relaxed on his vacation.
I am happy for him. He worked hard and deserves some rest and relaxation.
My advisors later tell me that we don't do "vacation" and that Kenishi is surrounded by marauding barbarians. Whoopsies!
Ready to begin my stint as leader, I tell my new assistant to turn on the Itunes.
He asks what song I would like to listen to.
I tell him to surprise me.
(1) 1650 BC
Kenishi's vacation home was attacked by barbarians.
He hits them over the head with his club...problem solved!
Scouts to the north spot an archer roaming the countryside as well as a warrior to the east.
We need axes and we need them now I say!
Catherine has converted to Islam...sounds like there will some religious dischord amongst our neighbors! Fine by me!
(2) 1625 BC
Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island...discuss.
(3) 1600 BC
Its still gonna take me a while to get used to the crazy things we are gonna see on this map.
Take for example...plains oasis right next to an ice covered silk field.
Cats and dogs living together...Mass Hysteria!
(4) 1575 BC
As you can see, Kenishi and Tarzan have set up quite the trap for our little friend here!
(5) 1550 BC
Wolfsbane could be in trouble here.
When I moved into the tile I was hoping to lure the wounded warrior (1.5 strength) on the left into battle. Little did I know that he would have a buddy to help him out.
If we can win flawless, or close to it, with the first battle then we might just make it.
Ron completes the Truffles Emporium!
Why he insists on calling it a cottage I will never know!
He will now road the way towards our third city and help out with improvements there.
Update on Heliohille. Lighthouse in production.
I actually placed a warrior in the queue and waited a turn before whipping the granary earlier.
That way we got a warrior for defense and the whip overflow got doubled into the granary.
If i just whipped the granary straight away then we don't get the expansive bonus.
And that kids is how Tarzan was born.
(6) 1525 BC
Update on Wolfsbane.
The full strength warrior attacked first...and we win flawlessly!
The injured warrior ran like a little girl...we will hunt him down.
Woody III is one point away!
I was slighty ignorant about the techplan...I neglected to see that the furs would be immediately available to our new city. I honestly thought I had to pop borders to work the premium tiles so I waited on researching hunting. I start that now and hopefully it won't be delayed too long.
(7) 1500 BC
Kenishi claims another victim with his Club of Destruction!
Randomania finishes the settler.
The city is currently at the happy cap so I will place a library in the queue with the intent to 2pop whip it before we grow to unhappiness. Then we can ride out the whip penalty with a worker build.
Wolfsbane is still chasing the injured warrior around.
(8) 1475 BC
How this is even possible I don't know...baffled!
Can someone explain to me why the words good and food don't rhyme???
(9) 1450 BC
On the frozen tundra...Lambeau Field is founded!
The citizens immediately begin building a statue of Vince Lombardi.
And to think...I am a Bears fan!
Wolfsbane is successful in hunting down his prey!
His reward is a Woody III promotion.
(10) 1425 BC
Tarzan has a 50/50 shot of surviving contact with an archer next turn.
Well a 3pop whip will have to do in Randomania.
We get 54 overflow...too bad we don't have copper hooked yet or else we could place the overflow into an axe.
(11) 1400 BC
Tarzan survives his encounter with the archer but a warrior steps up to replace him.
Tarzan in turn scurries away to heal in safety.
Barbs are advancing on our capital...this picture doesn't tell the whole story.
The archer you see also has a warrior in the same tile.
So I will use the overflow to create two warriors for defense...we should be fine.
The same probably can't be said for our cornfields.
(12) 1375 BC
Heliohille whips its lighthouse.
Randomania's two bored defenders should have their hands full next turn...whoever said garrison duty was boring was wrong! At least next turn they will be!
(13) 1350 BC
In good news the archer/warrior combo decide not to pillage our corn!
They also decide to throw themselves at the walls of our capital and die!
The trailing warrior steps onto our desert corn.
To prevent it from potentially being pillaged I will take our new warrior and attack with 68% odds. If he wins he gets a cool name!
If he dies...he will be laughed at by our bored defenders.
He wins.
I shall dub thee...Rather Dashing.
Your country thanks you for saving the cornfields from Total Burnination!
(I apologize if you don't get my reference here...as it was mainly intended for Whosit!)
Here is a link if you are curious.
It probably won't really clear anything up but here it is anyways.
http://homestarrunner.com/filmstyle_trogdor.html
So our capital is safe from Barbarian bandits...for now.
Axes will make me feel much safer.
(14) 1325 BC
Why is baseball the only sport where the offensive player can't touch the ball?
(15) 1300 BC
My lucky poker hands are 67 suited and pocket tens.
(16) 1275 BC
Rather Dashing is probably going to be tested again by another archer that came from the north. I promote him to cover as it provides 5% more defensive bonus than does woodsman does. Wish him luck!
(17) 1250 BC
Finally some action!
Rather Dashing and Tarzan both dispatch Barbarian intruders this turn!
Very well done!
However, now we have a problem brewing at Lambeau Field.
I was unprepared for axes to start popping up and I am paying the price now.
Our only real hope of saving Lambeau Field is if the axeman doesn't move SW next turn. Cuz if he does then the city is toast!
In a weak attempt to distract the axe I send Rather Dashing to hill 2SE of the axe.
Its the best I can do.
Thanks to overflow from the monument I whipped from Randomania we will produce an axe next turn...but he would be too late to save the city. Fingers crossed that the axe steers clear of Lambeau!
(18) 1225 BC
Unfortunately, we will be losing Lambeau Field.
The axe did not take my bait.
This really sucks and I apologize for not properly protecting it.
Not much more for me to say really.
Off with my head!
In my next pathetic effort to save the city I move the defender outside of the city in the hopes that the axe will attack him in the woods!
Who knows...it might just work!
(19) 1200 BC
Alas...Lambeau falls.
I was too focused on the Barbs coming from the east that I neglected to protect our northern borders.
Not my best work today people.
I think I will clean up my mess and call it a set.
Heliohille whips its barracks.
(20) 1175 BC
Heliohille uses the overflow to start a settler due in 10 turns.
I would throw in another non-sequiteur here but not in the mood anymore...
(21) 1150 BC
Well now I have to since nothing happened this turn.
Why is it that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot while anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
(22) 1125 BC
Last turn as all of our new defenders are in place. Well almost...the warrior to the north should move 1NW onto the jungled hill.
I figure that Randomania can build a settler too after it finishes its current axe build.
That way the settler from Helio can settle either the iron/banana site or the wheat blocker site. Then the settler from Random can replant on Lambeaus ashes...
Roster
Sturick ---> just played poorly
Sweetachson ---> gets to clean up my mess
Sengir
Mighty Dwaarf
OJImijam
Whosit