Random Rants ΠΓ': Parental guidance required

[MaryKB]

*head explodes*

lol, two weeks??!! Seriously??!!

Are you talking about when you do things like wrap gifts, or do you mean you start conceptualizing? Because if that's the case, at least if you're thinking about it earlier you'll be keenly aware of when my birthday is, right?

 

[Zkribbler]

He really likes this thing he calls "truck stop breakfast" (basically I cook meat first, then cook potatoes and eggs in the meat grease), .

Delicious, true, bit keep an eye in his cholesterol levels. I don't want you ending up as a beautiful young widow.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

*head explodes*

lol, two weeks??!! Seriously??!!

Are you talking about when you do things like wrap gifts, or do you mean you start conceptualizing? Because if that's the case, at least if you're thinking about it earlier you'll be keenly aware of when my birthday is, right?

How long does it take to think of a nice present or two, buy them and wrap them? Or plan a nice evening out somewhere? Doesn't seem like that big a job to me. And if we'd only been dating a couple of months I don't think anything more extravagant than that is warranted is it? Plus planning something with someone that is further in the future than the amount of time you've known them is a little precarious to say the least.

 

[Synobun]

I put birthdays in my calendar. I won't remember them otherwise.

I tend to buy and send gifts weeks or months in advance, but that's not really planning and more so just getting it done while I have the money for it.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

My idea of improved planning involves sharpening my reaction time.

 

[MaryKB]

Delicious, true, bit keep an eye in his cholesterol levels. I don't want you ending up as a beautiful young widow.

Oh thank you for your sweet concern! I don't make this for him every day of course, lol! I feel it also shows how much I care, because I won't eat anything cooked with any animal products, so I'll have to make myself something separate (probably just simple scrambled eggs with toast)

How long does it take to think of a nice present or two, buy them and wrap them? Or plan a nice evening out somewhere? Doesn't seem like that big a job to me. And if we'd only been dating a couple of months I don't think anything more extravagant than that is warranted is it? Plus planning something with someone that is further in the future than the amount of time you've known them is a little precarious to say the least.

I think it depends on how much you care about the person? Planning nice evenings out can often take lots of planning. For most nicer places you'll need a reservation, and sometimes you've got to do that months in advance. Or if you want to buy tickets to something, get those as soon as you can! And if you're going through the trouble of planning an evening out for your SO, you'll want to think wardrobe as well ... either figure out if s/he's going to wear something they already have, and if so make sure you have something complementary (and if you don't, you'll need to get yourself something new) Or maybe you're going to plan to buy your special someone something new to wear, in which case you're going to have to really know their style and size, and once again make sure you've got something that goes with it. And of course you've got to have a backup plan, in case either like he doesn't like what you got him or if it doesn't fit right for some reason.

You really feel like you can do all that in just a couple short weeks?

For getting a nice present or two, you've got to really pay attention to them and figure out that special thing they really want or need, and so you've got to be constantly thinking, listening, and observing.

I feel how much effort you put in depends on how much you care for the person, I mean the whole idea of doing something special is to make them feel loved, right? I mean, like I've started dating guys and been heels-over-head pretty quickly. When you start dating someone and you really like them, don't you get that immediate and overwhelming feeling of how you want to just put your entire heart into everything you do for them? And show them how you're able to anticipate and care for all their needs?

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I think it depends on how much you care about the person? Planning nice evenings out can often take lots of planning. For most nicer places you'll need a reservation, and sometimes you've got to do that months in advance. Or if you want to buy tickets to something, get those as soon as you can! And if you're going through the trouble of planning an evening out for your SO, you'll want to think wardrobe as well ... either figure out if s/he's going to wear something they already have, and if so make sure you have something complementary (and if you don't, you'll need to get yourself something new) Or maybe you're going to plan to buy your special someone something new to wear, in which case you're going to have to really know their style and size, and once again make sure you've got something that goes with it. And of course you've got to have a backup plan, in case either like he doesn't like what you got him or if it doesn't fit right for some reason.

No offence, but I think there might be a class/income thing going on here. Nowhere I have ever eaten, or am ever likely to eat, requires booking months in advance. Buying new outfits to go out in has also never been a thing, unless the outfit itself is the present. Literally never bought a backup present in case the first one doesn't go down well, didn't even know that was a thing. Plus if they're the sort of person who would complain about a present in the first place... not likely to be the person for me.

I admit that if there is some specific event that is fixed in the calendar that you want to plan around, then that could need planning in advance. But if I'm doing that sort of thing for someone I've only just started dating I'd think that was a bit creepy and overly keen anyway.

For getting a nice present or two, you've got to really pay attention to them and figure out that special thing they really want or need, and so you've got to be constantly thinking, listening, and observing.

Well yes. But that just means if you've only been dating for 2 months then you should really take more time to get to know them. And if you've been together a long time you should know all that already, so again don't need a long time to think about it. So either way...

 

[rah]

The only time I would plan for my Wife's that far out would be a Trip to Hawaii or Italy. Or tickets for a concert for her favorite band. (which would really be tough because these days, I have no clue who that would be.)

 

[MaryKB]

Oh dear, I didn't mean a backup present in case they don't like it! I mean if you got them new clothes (like say a new sports coat) for going out in, and it doesn't fit or something, you can't just wear the same outfit you were planning to coordinate with that. I meant a backup wardrobe!

And oh absolutely, you're going to want to get to know them! But say you and I started dating a month ago, and I told you my birthday's in March, would you seriously not be thinking that far ahead?

The only time I would plan for my Wife's that far out would be a Trip to Hawaii or Italy. Or tickets for a concert for her favorite band. (which would really be tough because these days, I have no clue who that would be.)

How can you plan for a such a trip only two months out??? Buying your plane tickets like six months early has lots of advantages! (what if all the good first class seats are taken???)

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I feel how much effort you put in depends on how much you care for the person, I mean the whole idea of doing something special is to make them feel loved, right? I mean, like I've started dating guys and been heels-over-head pretty quickly. When you start dating someone and you really like them, don't you get that immediate and overwhelming feeling of how you want to just put your entire heart into everything you do for them? And show them how you're able to anticipate and care for all their needs?

First off, you can't "make people feel" anything. Some people are actually incapable of "feeling loved." And different people respond to different things.

I find that most people I come into contact feel loved if I give them pretty close to my full attention. This causes me problems of the "I thought you loved me." "Wait, who are you? We met where? When?" variety. But part of being able to generate that near full attention is keeping myself as completely in the moment as I possibly can, which requires a lot of practice...and that practice specifically involves NOT planning, or remembering.

 

[MaryKB]

That doesn't make any sense.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

Oh dear, I didn't mean a backup present in case they don't like it! I mean if you got them new clothes (like say a new sports coat) for going out in, and it doesn't fit or something, you can't just wear the same outfit you were planning to coordinate with that. I meant a backup wardrobe!

Well as I said, I can't imagine planning a night out somewhere AND a new wardrobe to wear on that night out. So adding in a backup wardrobe to that... probably not going to happen. I feel like maybe being able to pay at least some of my bills that month might be quite wise.

And oh absolutely, you're going to want to get to know them! But say you and I started dating a month ago, and I told you my birthday's in March, would you seriously not be thinking that far ahead?

If I really liked you and was hoping we would still be a thing at that point in the future I'm sure I'd remember the date and at least think about it, but I would still not be making any actual plans until much nearer the time, and would be wary of going overboard so early in a relationship too. But I also don't think it would be that big a deal if I asked you towards the end of January to remind me when your birthday was again.

 

[MaryKB]

I was sort of sympathizing with you up until your last point ...

But I also don't think it would be that big a deal if I asked you towards the end of January to remind me when your birthday was again.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

No offence, but I think there might be a class/income thing going on here. Nowhere I have ever eaten, or am ever likely to eat, requires booking months in advance.

I've been to a few good restaurants that are always booked up but not necessarily super expensive or fancy. But, to your point, I wouldn't dress up to go to those places either.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I was sort of sympathizing with you up until your last point ...

I mean... you've been dating someone for a month, possibly fairly casually, and it would be a dealbreaker if they didn't remember when your birthday was? Seems odd to me.

 

[CKS]

I won't eat anything cooked with any animal products, so I'll have to make myself something separate (probably just simple scrambled eggs with toast)

What kind of eggs are you eating that aren't animal products?

I think it depends on how much you care about the person? Planning nice evenings out can often take lots of planning. For most nicer places you'll need a reservation, and sometimes you've got to do that months in advance. Or if you want to buy tickets to something, get those as soon as you can! And if you're going through the trouble of planning an evening out for your SO, you'll want to think wardrobe as well ... either figure out if s/he's going to wear something they already have, and if so make sure you have something complementary (and if you don't, you'll need to get yourself something new) Or maybe you're going to plan to buy your special someone something new to wear, in which case you're going to have to really know their style and size, and once again make sure you've got something that goes with it. And of course you've got to have a backup plan, in case either like he doesn't like what you got him or if it doesn't fit right for some reason.

This sounds very strange to me. If I care about someone, I want to go out someplace we'd both be comfortable. I don't think I've ever eaten someplace where you needed a reservation, and I don't know of anyplace where you'd need to make a reservation more than a day in advance. And clothes? First, beyond casual or dressy, there isn't anything to worry about with complementary clothes, and matching clothes is kind of creepy. Don't to that to someone you just started dating. Plus, buying clothes for other people is a surefire way to misery, unless they are your preteen children.

You really feel like you can do all that in just a couple short weeks?

For getting a nice present or two, you've got to really pay attention to them and figure out that special thing they really want or need, and so you've got to be constantly thinking, listening, and observing.

I feel how much effort you put in depends on how much you care for the person, I mean the whole idea of doing something special is to make them feel loved, right? I mean, like I've started dating guys and been heels-over-head pretty quickly. When you start dating someone and you really like them, don't you get that immediate and overwhelming feeling of how you want to just put your entire heart into everything you do for them? And show them how you're able to anticipate and care for all their needs?

No. I don't want anyone anticipating and caring for all my needs, and I'm not going to try to do that to someone else. If this is what makes you happy, great, but it isn't how most people are, in my experience. If you want to give someone a special gift, ask them what they would like. You'll get your answer in way less than weeks.

 

[MaryKB]

I mean... you've been dating someone for a month, possibly fairly casually, and it would be a dealbreaker if they didn't remember when your birthday was? Seems odd to me.

I never said dealbreaker, but I'd be disappointed that you didn't know when my birthday was when I'd told you. But I'd be much more upset if you completely had the wrong month lol.

What kind of eggs are you eating that aren't animal products?

Sorry, I meant animal fat - or anything made from dead animals. I'm fine with eggs & dairy, but bacon grease is a no-no.

Your next paragraph makes absolutely no sense to me. And I didn't say matching clothes, I said complimentary - like if he's going to wear something dressy, I want to dress at the same level, and not wear something that clashes. You mean really you guys never coordinate wardrobes?

I don't understand your last one at all either. Why wouldn't you want to make your special someone feel special? And ask what they want??? But isn't the whole point showing how much you care by figuring out what they want and surprising them?

I seriously feel like I'm talking to people from a different dimension or something, lol!

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I never said dealbreaker, but I'd be disappointed that you didn't know when my birthday was when I'd told you. But I'd be much more upset if you completely had the wrong month lol.

Sorry, I have images blocked at the moment and the name of the emoji was "run". I assumed this meant running away, hence dealbreaker. Looks like its more running around in a panic though...

But when you're first getting to know someone like that, you're being bombarded with new facts and information. Is it not understandable that some of that is going to go flying out of the other ear?

 

[Timsup2nothin]

That doesn't make any sense.

Wanna bet?

Consider, there might be times when MrKB gets home from work, but his mind is still on something that happened during his shift, or maybe there was an announcement about a mysterious mandatory meeting that he has to attend on his next shift and he's concerned what it might be about...at those times can't you feel the "his mind is elsewhere"? Not that that kind of thing is a "major insult" fault, but people feel it, and it doesn't feel good. If it happens continuously eventually the person comes across as "absent even when they are here, workaholic married to their job," and material for a divorce.

What would be missing there is that you want his full attention. That's normal. And very very few people can actually bring anything close to their full attention to bear, because most people are so cluttered up with yesterday, and tomorrow, and things that might be right now but even if they are they are half a world away.

So when you encounter someone who can, and will, generate their full attention and turn it all on you it leaves an impression that is very hard to forget...but don't expect that their attention will still be on you the next day when they are down the road, because they will be focusing that same way on wherever they are then. I'm that guy.

 

[rah]

Coordinated outfits. I have to chuckle. While I understand the concept the closest I come to doing that is after we finish dressing and my wife takes one look at what I've chosen and say, "nope, try again" and hopefully that conversation isn't repeated a few minutes later.