Random Rants 4: Keep Complaining

[The Yankee]

Dumb Girl vs. Bambi

Okay, this is kinda long, and it's kinda vulgar. So I'm gonna put it in spoiler tags. If you have virgin eyes, don't read it. Hopefully the mods will understand that it's necessary for the quality of this story. This assure you, this is WORTH the read.

Jeez, you'd think someone living near the backwoods of upstate New York would know such things about deer.

 

[EconomistBR]

I wished I had a Hayabusa, that would be really fun!!

 

[EconomistBR]

Dumb Girl vs. Bambi

Okay, this is kinda long, and it's kinda vulgar. So I'm gonna put it in spoiler tags. If you have virgin eyes, don't read it. Hopefully the mods will understand that it's necessary for the quality of this story. This assure you, this is WORTH the read.

Wow great story, very entertaining.

I am not surprised people think you beat her, people are really skeptical suspicious nowadays.

Will any bit of this story stay on your police record?

 

[ggganz]

The girl did tell them what happened, right?

 

[Merkinball]

Yeah, she told them.

The weird thing is, I worked at the hospital for years. So I knew the ins and outs, but nobody that was on knew me. They were all pretty much new. My mom is the freakin' personel director over there and they still didn't believe me.

I went in to get a wheelchair and asked for someone to help me. We went out, helped her out of the car and got her in the wheelchair. She had bled through her pants which was really disconcerting. We rushed her inside and the first thing they asked what was happened. I told them "she got kicked by a deer," and they didn't take me seriously. They asked her, and she told them what happened, and they thought we were lying and that I coerced her into lying. It's not like there were hoof prints on her. They thought I used bat or something and blungened her.

None of this will be on my record.

 

[The Yankee]

If you really beat that woman, why would you be trying to help her out at the hospital? Some people just can't put two and two together.

 

[ggganz]

Because if you don't, she'd have you arrested?

 

[Ultima_Thule]

Scientology is basicly a ginormous pyramid scandal. why people would follow that kinda bull is beyond me. it's totally a trekkie religion plotting to take over the world.

 

[The Yankee]

Because if you don't, she'd have you arrested?

No, it isn't that much. I was thinking along the lines of why show up to the scene of your own crime. But then I just thought that all sorts of abusers probably get medical aid after they've done their damage. So dismiss my odd thoughts in the night.

 

[Leonel]

I know. You can probably get one too. The problem with most guys is that they are shy.


...
w00t! It's tomorrow! AAAAAAAAAH THE SUSPENSE!!!

Well... in essence I kind of do but she's more of a lover than a girlfriend. And she's in New York City while I'm in Seattle.

 

[Merkinball]

No, it isn't that much. I was thinking along the lines of why show up to the scene of your own crime. But then I just thought that all sorts of abusers probably get medical aid after they've done their damage. So dismiss my odd thoughts in the night.

Yeah, I think that was it. The seriously thought it was a farce. The village cops were there in a couple minutes. Luckily the cop that showed up was an acquaintance that graduated a year after me that I knew well.

Once I started telling him about it, he chuckled a little bit. And when we went out to the road, he could hardly believe it. I mean, once you SAW the scene, there was no denying it.

 

[Red Door]

Dumb Girl vs. Bambi

Okay, this is kinda long, and it's kinda vulgar. So I'm gonna put it in spoiler tags. If you have virgin eyes, don't read it. Hopefully the mods will understand that it's necessary for the quality of this story. This assure you, this is WORTH the read.

Spoiler :

So last night I was coming home from a late poker game. I started heading out from Rochester a little after 2AM, and it's an hour drive to my house. I was making great time because there was nobody on the roads. The only hitch was a light glaze of ice and snow on the road which kept me from making awesome time, because my car is simply a death trap on wheels with any sort of frozen precipitate between the pavement and my wheels.

I tend to take the backroads home. No cops. No traffic, and it's more direct to my village than taking the main roads. But wouldn't you know it, I caught up to a car going down the backroad I was on, close to my village. It was a Mustang, and it was going slow. Perhaps 40mph tops. There was no way I was going to try and pass though with my crappy tires. So I kept my distance so that if something happened I could swerve out of its path.

Well, we hit a clean spot of road, and the clearly woman driver sped up a bit. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as we got back into the snow, a crap ton of deer decide it's time to cross the road. So she slams on her brakes, but I don't. Instead, I go into the left hand lane and THEN slam on the brakes. I slide past her car and into one of the deer. I hit the deer enough that it slid up the hood, onto the windshield, and the motion of the deer was as such, so that when it began gaining momentum back downwards, when my car fully stopped, the deer went flying off my car onto the pavement hard.

But I'm fine. And the other car didn't hit anything. So everything's great. I get out, and the deer is squaking. First I check over my car. Everything looks okay except for deer hair in the windshield wipers and whatnot. I go over to check up on the other driver, she's stopped in the right hand lane, she's probably only 17 and freaking out, but okay. But her reaction was unreal.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!"
"What?"
"WHY THE F--K DID YOU DO THAT!"
"Do what?"
"HIT THE DEER!"
I am beside myself. I really don't know what she's screaming about. "Look," I tell her, "I have crappy snow tires, it was either you or the deer."
She gets out of the car.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE HIT ME!"
"What?"
"You shouldn't have hit the deer! Look at it!"

So... I'm beside myself.

Well, the deer was in rough shape. It had flopped from the middle of the road over towards the shoulder. It clearly had at least on broken leg. And it was no longer flailing, but still blatting. It was probably one of this years fawns, so we'll call it Bambi. It certainly was no 170 pound deer. But it was decent size. I think to myself, "this is a shame..." and pull out my pistol. I point it at Bambi, and behind me she starts screaming at me again.

"What the f--k are you doing!"
"I'm putting the deer down."
"WHY!"
"Because it has a broken leg, it needs to be put down. It's gonna die anyway."
She starts sobbing, "but they can fix it!"
"No, they can't fix it. There's no magic place where they fix hurt deer in car/deer accidents. This deer needs to be put down."
"You're not shooting this deer!"
I look at her stupid, "It's suffering."
"I don't give a f--k! I'll call the cops if you shoot this deer!"
"Call the cops. In fact, call them now."

So I put my pistol away, she gets on her cell phone and calls 911. She gets the local dispatch office and talks for a couple minutes. You knew they told her she was out of her mind. "They told you, you can't shoot it. It's illegal."

I shake my head, pull out my cell phone, and I call 911. The dispatcher was one of my high school friends. I explained the situation and she tells me, "Yeah, I told her to just let you shoot it, and that if she wanted we could send a sherrif out to put it down. All the sherrifs are down in the southern part of the county though, it'll take a half-an-hour to get up to you. Cook (one of the deputies I know real well) says to put the deer down and file a report tomorrow." I smile fiendishly at the girl.

I shake my head at the chick. And she starts bawling her eyes out going hysterical. I pull my pistol out, and she just goes ballistic. All kinds of swearing and whatnot. Then, she starts going towards the deer, crying.

I tell her, "I wouldn't go near that if I were you." She keeps getting closer as if she's gonna comfort the thing. "Don't go near that." Sure as s--t. The deer kicks at her, hits her in the leg out from under her, and the girl just smashes onto the road. I could basically see her wrist snap, and her face smash into the pavement. It was brutally disgusting. She was already basically on top of Bambi, and it just made Bambi freak out more and Bambi just...kicked the s--t out of her. I do what I can to help her get away, but she, for the most part, managed to roll away. I kinda dragged her up against my car.

This chick was just...all kindsa f--ked up. The whole right side of her face raspberried, her nose was bleeding, she was gushing blood from up above her right eye. Her right wrist was just completely broken and she couldn't breath because the deer had kicked her in the chest and stomach. On top of that. The blows to the legs meant she couldn't walk, but I don't think she had anything broken. And I'm just thinking, "you dumb MF'ing b--ch.

This girl was in...very bad shape. And I was two, maybe three miles from the hospital at this point. She's still gasping for air too.

"Where'd he get you?" I ask.
"Me legs, stomach, and chest."
"Did he get you in the head?"
"No..." she sobbed.
"Can you show me where on your stomach and chest he got you?"

She slids her shirt up a bit (I saw no ta-ta's). She had one nasty mark near her pelvis, one in the middle of her gut, and it was pretty clear to me that some of her lower ribs on her left side were broke.

". .. .. .. .." Is all I can think.

"I get on the phone, and tell the dispatcher to call the hospital and let me know I'm coming in with her. It would be way faster for me to help her than to send an ambulance. I had some towels in my car, and some Marine Corps sweats. I laid the towels out so she wouldn't bleed all over my car, wiped what blood I could off her face, and gave her a sweatshirt to bleed into. So I basically pick this girl up, put her in my backseat, walk out, put two bullets in Bambi's head. And get in my car.

"Why the f--k did you do that!" I yell at her.
"I didn't know it would do that!" she sobbed. "I'm f--ked up. I'm so f--ked up. I think my ribs are broken."
"Yeah, your ribs are broken."
And she moaned the whole way to the hospital.

I felt like telling her, "that's what you get for being a dumb c--t." But I restrained myself.

So we get there to the hospital in about five minutes. And she's just in all kindsa bad shape. The whole side of her face was swelling up and bruised, she had a good sized gash on her head. And the thing that worried me most, was that she was bleeding pretty bad out her...womanly area too. She was a mess.

And the best part, was that I had to make a police report because the one lady at the hospital thought, and convinced the rest of them, THAT I HAD BEAT HER! Nobody believed either of us that a deer had done it. They thought I had told her to say that, and that I had done it.

It was...ridiculous. Crazy. Surreal.

But, everything worked out once I went with the cop, showed him her abandoned car with the lights on, dead Bambi, and where she smacked the ground and whatnot.

I gotta honest. Never in my life...

Damn good story. But what an idiot.

 

[hossam]

: @merkingball
just out of curiosty, was the girl hot?
and another question , do you always carry your pistol with you?

 

[ggganz]

 

[Nylan]

I suspect the nurse has had some bad experiences in her life...

 

[EconomistBR]

The girl did tell them what happened, right?

Of course she told them the truth, otherwise Merkinball would be in jail immediately. I am pretty sure, right?

Quite scary thought, had she said: "He beat me".
Merkinball would be submerged in trouble.

 

[EconomistBR]

Yeah, I think that was it. The seriously thought it was a farce. The village cops were there in a couple minutes. Luckily the cop that showed up was an acquaintance that graduated a year after me that I knew well.

Once I started telling him about it, he chuckled a little bit. And when we went out to the road, he could hardly believe it. I mean, once you SAW the scene, there was no denying it.

"the scene", that's why I think I wouldn't have left the "scene" with her. I think I would have waited the cops and an ambulance to arrive at the scene.

Imagine if she had bled internally to death in your car... how would you explain that?
"The deer did it." yeah right...

You, Merkinball, would be in jail for at least manslaughter.

 

[Nylan]

Boo partisanship. I'd rant about it, but I already did that in my blog and about fifty threads here. That doesn't change how much it displeases me though.

 

[Merkinball]

Hossom: The girl was not hot. She was kind of pretty though. I'd hit it, would never date it. And yes, I typically carry my pistol everywhere. Unless I know I'm gonna be going on school/university property.

Economist, I wouldn't have been in any trouble. I mean, what's the explanation gonna be for the car in the middle of the road with its lights on at 4AM? And a dead dear on the shoulder of the road. Also, there was no way I was gonna wait for the cops or an ambulance. I was outside the village, so no cops could come because of jurisdiction. The sherrifs were in the southern part of the county about 30-40 miles away. And there were no troopers in the county from what I understand. There was also no way I was going to sit there and wait for an ambulance. I live in a small village. We have a volunteer fire department with 3 EMT's right now. If they don't feel like responding, then she's SOL. Then they dispatch the next town, and only then, after that will they dispatch the ambulance at the hospital. I was about...3 miles, maybe 4 tops from the hospital. The best thing for her was to get in my car and take her there myself.

 

[ggganz]

Why does everyone make posters' names in bold?