Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Omega124]

6: Whoa man, this is getting way too kinky for me. Maybe you should try the IOT crowd.

I sue thor for misgendering me >:c

 

[JohannaK]

I go out in a blaze of fire, glory, and Christos Xinjiang's guts.

 

[GenMarshall]

I heal myself back to full health and close up my wounds as I meditate in a secluded area away from the division chanting to myself:

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Even Tzeentch is sick of this round so he buggers off.

 

[CivCube]

Oh-ho, I keep on a-firin'. Blaze of glory, baby!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I sue thor for misgendering me >:c

19: You clean him out. Like, totally. Between the settlement and his legal expenses he's forced to liquidate all his assets, including his computer, and lives out the rest of his life in a homeless shelter. Without a game master this thread quietly dies and a dumbed-down Roll II Rule is instead taken up by christos200, who in complete opposite of what the boss fight was supposed to herald, turns it into a gigantic EKNCwank to the pleasure of no-one but himself and masochists. Congratulations: You're Winner?

N.B.: I'm assuming this is not the outcome you had in mind, so I'm going to roll again.

6: He successfully argues that his use of the word 'man' was not employed as a pronoun substituting for your person, but was invoked in the nonspecific colloquial sense as a general exclamation of astonishment in order to, quote, "be hip with the kids". You end up shelling out $2600 in legal fees.

I go out in a blaze of fire, glory, and Christos Xinjiang's guts.

20: And with your last breath, you softly whisper...

...

...

"— YOU CHRISTOS, I'M SHUTTING THIS PARTY DOOOOOOOWNNNNNNNNN!!!"

The USS Space Oddity hits the surface at terminal velocity, killing everyone* on board and dealing 220 damage to Christos Xinjiang.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (8): CivCube narrowly escapes the impact, suffering 75 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
*TZEENTCH'ED*
18 (17): Anticipating such a move, NinjaCow64 ordered the pilot to get out of the blast zone beforehand, avoiding all damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (16): Agent CivCube-Avatar was able to scramble to safety.

I heal myself back to full health and close up my wounds as I meditate in a secluded area away from the division chanting to myself:

20: Tapping deeper into UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAH!!1, you restore yourself to full health at the cost of -2 to social rolls and -1 SAN.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (20): You demonstrate the Power of the Dark Side, dealing 29 damage to the 80th Division.

Even Tzeentch is sick of this round so he buggers off.

11: Game's over so why not. :^)

Oh-ho, I keep on a-firin'. Blaze of glory, baby!

17 (20): Ignoring his desperate plea, you finish off Christos with every weapon on your person, at once, full auto.
CivCube has defeated Christos Xinjiang! He claims all Christos' possessions as spoils of war.

The Eternal Kingdom was never really intended to be a state, merely a vast web of indentured servants supporting George I's maniacal impulses. With the last member of the insidious Gang of Four shuffling off his mortal coil, the leaderless Monarchist juggernaut devours itself in an orgy of diffidence and bloodlust, and the rogue state soon splinters apart. It will take years for the world to fully recover from this horror, and no-one truly knows what the future has in store... but for now, at least, your fight is finished.

​

And so after nearly six years, Round IV is officially concluded. Round V will be postponed indefinitely as I set forth on a new venture—as several players have already alluded, I'm porting Roll to Dodge to the Imperium Offtopicum community. I'll take the next few days to tally up performances and award placements for this round (which not-so-coincidentally include bonuses to this upcoming game).

In the mean time, interested parties are free to read up on the next great adventure: Roll II Rule—all the insanity you know and love, now with sprites!

Until next time, keep the dice rolling.















* I know what you're thinking.
*roll*
16 (17): DREBBIN WILL LIVE

 

[NinjaCow64]

Nice job man, can't wait for R2R

 

[Omega124]

I want the 19 actually >:c

 

[JohannaK]

Clearly I crashed after CivCube shot him. Therefore I defeated christos in selfless sacrifice.

Then CivCube swooped in and looted the corpse.

 

[poketwo]

FOOLS!
BY ENDING THIS GAME, YOU HAVE ONLY MADE MINE THE LONE TRUE RTD. IOT TURNS TAKE QUITE A BIT OF TIME, WHILE MINE SHALL BE EASY TO UPDATE RAPIDLY!
ROLL TO SCYTHER SHALL SOON BE THE KING OF CIVFANATICS RTDS, A PROGENITOR TO A NEW AGE OF ROLL TO DODGE. THE AGE OF MINIMALISM! AND WHEN YOU FINALLY RETURN TO START UP ROUND 5, ONLY FEW WOULD BE INTERESTED. AND SCYTHERS WILL RULE!!!!!
MUHAWAWAAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAH!

 

[CivCube]

Clearly I crashed after CivCube shot him. Therefore I defeated christos in selfless sacrifice.

Then CivCube swooped in and looted the corpse.

1:18

 

[GenMarshall]

20: Tapping deeper into UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAH!!1, you restore yourself to full health at the cost of -2 to social rolls and -1 SAN.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (20): You demonstrate the Power of the Dark Side, dealing 29 damage to the 80th Division.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Requiescat in pace:
Lesotho
Jamaica
Mauritius
Swaziland
Madagascar
Djibouti
Mongolia
Pakistan
Saint Lucia
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
Grenada
Bhutan
Comoros
Nepal
Seychelles
Ethiopia
Haiti
Malawi
Kenya
Somalia
Yemen
Eritrea


FINAL RANKINGS​

1st Place
CivCube

Damage Dealt
President George: ~152 (killed)
General Chiang: 86 (killed)
Ghost Writer: 14
Premier Christos: 267 (killed)
TOTAL: 519

Awards
+5 to start in Democratic Republic of Congo
Additional +3 to start in/around Mbuji-Mayi, OR gain Agent CivCube-Avatar as companion NPC
Player avatar inherits ALL equipment and stats!

Accolades
Determinator
You've never let a silly thing like health get in the way of pursuing the villain! All military units gain +2 defence. Player avatar gains 'Mad Tank' ability: when fighting alongside a group, can force enemies to attack self at half damage.

2nd Place
Omega124

Damage Dealt
Ghost Writer: ~69 (killed)
George I: 196 (killed)
TOTAL: 265

Awards
+5 to start in Namibia OR +4 to start in New York State
Player avatar inherits most equipment and stats

Accolades
Red-Blooded Revolutionary
You took on the Man and won! All military units gain +2 attack. Option to annul national debt OR begin with Bluecape brigades in New York State.

3rd Place
CivGeneral

Damage Dealt
Ted Cruz: ~128 (killed)
TOTAL: 128

Awards
+3 to initial start
Player avatar inherits basic equipment OR boss weapons
Player avatar inherits basic modifiers OR Sith modifiers
Accolades
Reluctant Hero
Much like America, you can be counted on to do the right thing... after exhausting all other options. Military units gain +1 defence. Option to annul Sith penalties to player avatar in exchange for -2 national diplomacy, -2 starting or joining a war.

4th Place
NinjaCow64

Damage Dealt
Premier Christos: 86
TOTAL: 86

Awards
+2 to initial start
Player avatar inherits basic equipment and stats

Accolades
Once and Future Servant
Through devotion to Altria Pendragon, you found the strength to overcome the Eternal Kingdom's dark legions. Option for player avatar to inherit Anointed Armour OR +2 to national influence.

Huenerable Mentions​

JohannaK

Damage Dealt
President George: 17
Ted Cruz: 16
Premier Christos: 220
TOTAL: 253

Accolades
Liabilitally
Despite your intentions, your technology ended up helping the enemy more than your friends. -2 national diplomacy.
Eleventh-Hour Martyr
Though you failed to undo the surrender stat in time to place amongst the Heroes, you did land the crippling blow on Mr. Christos. +2 to initial start.

Ailedhoo

Damage Dealt
President George: 32
General Chiang: 37
TOTAL: 69

Accolades
Servant of Darkness
Your over-eager actions led to the rise of Ted Cruz as a game boss, and your oath of fealty to the forces of Chaos mark you as a global threat. +2 to black magic, -3 diplomacy with all but like-minded factions.
Strategic Unreality
When it comes to theory versus practice, you'd rather the fight proceed as you've imagined it. Player avatar starts with -2 defence.

hoplitejoe

Damage Dealt
President George: 55
TOTAL: 55

Accolades
Prophet-Martyr
You weren't there for the official endgame, but you were the first to draw blood. +1 to initial start.

hendo

Damage Dealt
Premier Christos: 11
TOTAL: 11

Accolades
Pretty Spry for AFK Guy
You managed to hold ground against the second-highest boss without even doing anything! Player avatar gains +1 defence.

The adventure continues in
Roll II Rule!​