"I love the smell of obedient subjects in the morning."
Rex Romulus XVI (RRXVRIP) was overlooking the punishment of the last remnants of the rebel scum that dared defy his late father. He was standing on the top of a hill on the outskirts of Rome, watching with joy as his soldiers systematically drowned the lot in the river below. Certainly now a new era of peace and order will dawn upon the Kingdom of Rome, or at least that's what he was thinking when one of his soldiers approached him and interrupted his daydreaming:
"My Lord, I bring news both good and bad."
"Ah yes, soldier, I trust you are here to confirm that the last of the rebel scum has been eliminated?"
"I am indeed, your Excellency, every one of your living subjects has seen the light and bows to your rule."
"Good, very good, that means I can finally devote my time to more pleasant pursuits again, such as fishing, teaching my sons, holding parades in my hon- wait a minute, you said something about bad news before?"
"Erm, yes, your Majesty, I am afraid an army of mercenaries of unknown origin is marching on Rome. They have already ambushed and murdered several hunters in the forests."
"These savages! And just when I thought I had brought peace over the land too! These barbarians will pay for their insolence! Soldiers! To arms! We march now! And if we die, it will be for honor and glory"
And so, the King and his army crossed the river and was about to enter the woods, when unfortunately just as they had climbed the hill on the other side of the creek the King slipped, tumbled all the way down again and broke his neck on a rock.
...
A week of grieving and crowning ceremonies later His Majesty Rex Romulus XVII (RXVIIRIP), barely an adolescent, was leading the attack against the dastardly mercenaries. However it was not the glorious battle he or his father had expected, but instead it took months of long drawn out fighting in the woods to dislodge the cowards that wouldn't come out for a fair pitched battle and instead relied on hit and run tactics. The young monarch even had to bribe the Etruscans to enlist their help against this pest, even though he wasn't sure if they were the ones who sent the mercenaries in the first place.
Whoever was initially responsible, after spending way too much time fighting he had finally cleared the forests, and could return to his Palace to oversee the spread of fertility cults to Ravenna and the establishment of a new outpost on the very tip of the peninsula the Romans called home. Maybe now the time of chaos and war was over, and he could enjoy the peace his people longed for...
