Rex Romulus XI was an old man when big news made it to Rome: Apparently another tribe has declared war on the Etruscans! This could be very beneficial to our people, and the King was aware of that. However his troops were in no condition for an invasion on such short notice, and thus he decided to enlist the help of mercenaries to do the dirty work for him. Since he himself was too old and sick to leave his bed, let alone the palace, he instructed his youngest and favorite son, Iacus Malius, who surely will one day carry the title of Rex Romulus XII, to negotiate on his behalf.
Iacus was honored to serve his father, and so he set out with two bureaucrats and four guards to pay a visit to Rome's resident mercenary post. Nobody knows what exactly transpired there, except that Iacus and his entourage left some hours later, the prince's face bearing a mixture of anger and fear. It is rumored that the heads of the mercenary enclave, twin brothers by the names of Flimus and Flamus, made some outrageous demands for the services of their men, making the final price a lot higher than they made it seem during the negotiation, citing overhead and transportation costs. Iacus continued trying to negotiate on the price for quite a while after that, but at some point snapped and threatened to have his father crush the whole compound. However, Flimus and Flamus kept their calm and reminded the prince that they were currently surrounded by dozen upon dozens of mercenaries, with all of four guards on his side, completely cut off from the outside world. They further reinforced their point by offhandedly mentioning how tragic it would be if one of the king's sons were to suffer an accident in such a dangerous location, full of people with dubious loyalty. Why, who knows if one of the prince's own guards were a foreign spy seizing this opportunity to assassinate him, killing Iacus and the rest of his escorts before finally being subdued and killed himself in the ensuing scuffle with the surrounding mercenaries who of course only had the best interests of the royal family at heart! The final part of their conversation went like so:
"Why, wouldn't that be just tragic?"
"Horrendous?"
"Sad?"
"Atrocious?"
"Dirus?"
"Horrificus?"
"Nefarius?"
"Severus?"
"Metiicu-"
"Yes yes I get it!", Iacus finally interrupted, "If it gets me out of here alive I promise I won't touch any mercenaries with a ten foot pole!"
"Glad your majesty could see reason!"
"Though of course we are distraught that we weren't able to come to a satisfactory agreement regarding that awful Etruscan business."
"Sic est. Now then, I suppose your majesty can leave this little enclave of ours and be on their merry way."
"After they have compensated us for our services of course."
"But but but what services? I told you I won't hire any mercenaries, precisely because of your inflated prices!"
"Oh this isn't for the mercenaries, this is for my brother and me."
"We did spent the past few hours informing your majesty about the logistics of supplying, arming and transporting a group of mercenaries."
"Surely nobody in their right mind would think that information is free?"
"Especially when it is information on such an important matter as war!"
"Urgh, fine, here!", Iacus threw a number of coins at the table they sat at before he and his entourage departed with a "Now leave me be!"
"Pleasure doing business with your majesty!"
"Hope to see you again soon your majesty!"
Needless to say, his father wasn't too pleased with how things went, and it is said that he passed that same day due to grief over his son's incompetency. Nevertheless, Iacus was soon crowned Rex Romulus XII, and during his entire reign stayed away completely from matters of war and especially mercenaries, instead focusing on temples, bronze working, and fishing, while also attempting to write a codified set of laws. While he never initiated an attack against the Etruscans, he did put an end to the traditional export of wool to their neighbor.
Rex Romulus X Requiescat in pace 
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