Sanscizo
Posting Artistè
I'm slightly bored, and I found some of these jokes funny...
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..
A doctor walks into a hospital room with a mother in her bed, and her newly born baby next to her in the crib. The good Doctor says "marnin'" and walks up to the crib, picks up the baby and violently throws it against the wall. The baby makes a terrible thudding noise and drops to the floor. The mother sits and blinks, in shock, unable to move. The Doc then picks up the baby and drop kicks it across the room, over the bed, where it smacks into the frame of the open window and slithers to the floor again. The mother is still frozen in shock, mouth agape when the Doctor runs over to the baby, and punts it through the window and out to drop 3 stories to the ground where it splats like a ripe watermelon. Now Mum finally comes out of shock and screams "My baby! My baby! What have you done!" To which the doctor replies "April Fools! It was already dead."
A piece of the M1 and M6 went to a oub and were talking to the barman. "RAR" they said. (you try it too). "RAR, WE'RE THE HARDEST PIECES OF ROAD IN THE LAND.GIMMIE A PINT.ROAR, etc." This bit of red tarmac comes into the pub next and th M1 and M6 shut up and run to hide behind the bar. The red tarmac has one drink and leaves. The M1 and M6 come out and the barman asks them "what was all that about? I thought you were the hardest roads in the land!?" They said: "We are, but he's a frikking cyclepath!"
A guy is speaking to 3 ducks. He speaks to the first duck. It says "Hi, my name is Hughie, I've had a great day, I was in and out of puddles all day". The second duck says. "Hi, my name us Dewey, Ive had a great day, I've been in and out of puddles all day". So the guy turns to the third duck and says "so I guess you must be lewy?". The duck says. "No, my name is Puddles, and Ive had a terrible day."
I went into a video shop the other day. I said ''Can I have Batman Forever''. The assistant replied ''No, I want it back tomorrow''
Man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman ''Can I have a pint please and one for the road?''
An Englishman, Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar. The barman says ''Is this some sort of joke?'
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Sigh, ladies and gentlemen, that's some tasteful stuff.
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..
A doctor walks into a hospital room with a mother in her bed, and her newly born baby next to her in the crib. The good Doctor says "marnin'" and walks up to the crib, picks up the baby and violently throws it against the wall. The baby makes a terrible thudding noise and drops to the floor. The mother sits and blinks, in shock, unable to move. The Doc then picks up the baby and drop kicks it across the room, over the bed, where it smacks into the frame of the open window and slithers to the floor again. The mother is still frozen in shock, mouth agape when the Doctor runs over to the baby, and punts it through the window and out to drop 3 stories to the ground where it splats like a ripe watermelon. Now Mum finally comes out of shock and screams "My baby! My baby! What have you done!" To which the doctor replies "April Fools! It was already dead."
A piece of the M1 and M6 went to a oub and were talking to the barman. "RAR" they said. (you try it too). "RAR, WE'RE THE HARDEST PIECES OF ROAD IN THE LAND.GIMMIE A PINT.ROAR, etc." This bit of red tarmac comes into the pub next and th M1 and M6 shut up and run to hide behind the bar. The red tarmac has one drink and leaves. The M1 and M6 come out and the barman asks them "what was all that about? I thought you were the hardest roads in the land!?" They said: "We are, but he's a frikking cyclepath!"
A guy is speaking to 3 ducks. He speaks to the first duck. It says "Hi, my name is Hughie, I've had a great day, I was in and out of puddles all day". The second duck says. "Hi, my name us Dewey, Ive had a great day, I've been in and out of puddles all day". So the guy turns to the third duck and says "so I guess you must be lewy?". The duck says. "No, my name is Puddles, and Ive had a terrible day."
I went into a video shop the other day. I said ''Can I have Batman Forever''. The assistant replied ''No, I want it back tomorrow''
Man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman ''Can I have a pint please and one for the road?''
An Englishman, Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar. The barman says ''Is this some sort of joke?'
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Sigh, ladies and gentlemen, that's some tasteful stuff.
