this is continuatoin of my last post here so i left the beginning out
wire that connected the pacemaker to the
nuclear power plant. The explosion causes
Osama Bin Laden's monkey to crash into
the pop charts. Meanwhile, piloting his dirigible high over Alice Springs, Hakan Sukur looked down over the Australian desert and to his astonishment
He saw a HUGE spacecraft, from the moons of Crondor. He heard a sound from behind, and a
Iraqi "Fighter" Jet Piloted by Goat zooms by, Causing
Hakan to fall out of the plane and land on the space ship, *CLANG!*, the pilot of the spaceship said
as he bopped along to the instrumental section of Jethro Tull's 'Aqualung'. Noticing Hakan on his windscreen, he swerved into
the middle of the road and it was too late to brake...he was too old to rock and roll, but too young to die
he pressed the emergency eject button, and flew out of the space ship, hitting his head on hakans plane
and causing temporary concussion.
When he awoke, he was astounded to find himself in the centre of Stonehenge being pelted by bootleg copies of the Rolling Stones' first album that he had been storing in his
underwear. It was always such a tight squeeze, but with that new 7 minute abs machine he'd purchased,
he could finally boast a trim torso to rival Hippo's and could fit as many 60s classic albums in his shorts as the big boys at school used to. Never again would he consider using that rubbishy 8 minute abs scheme and to register his complaint at such a blatant rip-off, he
commissioned Steven Seagal to take down the grandmaster of the ab machine business, Chuck Norris. The pilot, Hakan Sukur and Sensei Seagal set out for Chuck's fortress,perched in the highest mountain in the fabled land of
Kefkonia but to get there they must cross some swamps so as they were crossing the swamps a
giant airship with red and blue balloons lifted them out of the swamp but the pilot was
The ugliest thing ever to have walked the earth, suddenly the pilot began to speak and it said "My name is
Balrog and I am here to stop you from killing Chuck Norris! just then the airship
Just kept going strait and nothing happend until Balrog grabbed a
A stick and punched a great big hole in the balloon and it torpedoet its way down to earth, but then The Balrog spread out its great fiery wings and flew up in the air, he took out his sword and chopped the balloon and all its passengers to pieces. Meanwhle in the town of new york the great robot I8NY was drinking tea and a women came out from a old farm house nearby with her ugly stupid dog,kefka(hey isnt that funny?), and yelled
"I am the Wicked Witch of the Infomercial, and I hereby geas all of you to continue and slay the evil Chuck" With a wave of her wand, she brought back to life the recently slain characters, and sent them on their way, waving, whilst standing next to the giant robot. An hour later, Steven Seagal's pony tail
Was sat on by a huge hippo who was attemting to keep Steven Seagal in place untill his assasians arrived (why that hippo did not try and kill him himself no one knows) but anyway back to the story Steven Seagal screamed out
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", revealing that he was actually part of the Secret Cow Society, which descended on the poor hippo.
seized it in their hooves, and then sprang up into the twilight sky with the hippo, mounting bicycles that appeared out of thin air. The cows peddled up towards and eventually over the moon, with the hippo somehow fitting into the basket of one bike. With a tear in one eye, Hakan Sukur mumbled, "I've got to phone home and
get a mint choc chip ice-cream(with flake) and stick it up my nose. Hakan then sneezed causing his head to fly 1000 miles into space where an alien
Grabbed it by the nostrils, and asked all its little friends to play soccer, SUDDENLY a great big spaceship came and splatted them all in to millions of pieces, and the Pilot was no other then
Simon Darkshade, the Dictator from another dimension! He was here to end
the constant killing off of ever character. He swept the hair off his forehead, and announced in a booming voice: "I put ye together again, without having to resort to all my horses and men. Go forth, and take down the evil Chuck. With that, he beamed them down to the road once more, leaving them with three gifts to aid their quest. The first was
A Magicaly enhanced block of swiss cheese though it tasted good it did not help them much but the second did it was
the magical Tenchi-ken, the most powerful sword on the planet Jurai, only usable by the Juraian Royal Family. The third was
perhaps the most useful of all, being the one thing that could destroy the evil lich of the ab-rockers, Chuck Norris. It was a copy of his unreleased straight to video epic, "Missing In Action XVII", still in it plastic wrapper. When boldy thrust in Chuck's face, it would cause him to be utterly annihilated. Thus, Steven Seagal took the Tenchi Ken, Hakan the video, and pilot, whose name was Spitman nibbled on the cheese, which the disembodied voice of Darkshade told them was protection against
those pesky llamas flying around and slaughtering helpless janitors and lawyers at will, but they weren't janitors or lawyers...or were they????
Meanwhile, Lichy Chuck sat on his evil slime-covered toilet-shaped throne, playing Karateka on his X-box, commanded his troops to prepare an ambush, when suddenly
his armed force of ninja giraffes went out outside and got their butts kicked by two 20ft high ants, which made Chuck say
Ah crap the ants started inching in closer and were just about to kill Chuck when suddenly the heros came down the road and the ants smelled the half eaten chesse and turn around to get it and kill anyone who had that cheese
but when the photographer heard the magic word he pressed his flash and the ants were temporarily blinded. In their immobilised state, Chuck Norris foiled the heroes once again and took the opportunity to make himself more scarce than
a French translation of Geoffrey Boycott's autobiography. He tried to make good his escape by mounting his rocket bike from "Delta Force", but forgot that this was only the promotional version. The heroic trio, having thrown off their paralysis, strode boldy to stop his escape. Hakan Sukur held out the video, and loudly proclaimed "Chuck Norris, your reign of terror is at an end. Prepare to be strung up by your
Left ear! just then chuck laughed and kicked the video out of his hand and said "YOU FOOL IT ONLY WORKS IF I ACTUALLY WATCH THE VIDEO!"
So Hakan then
Grabbed the sword from Steven Seagal and swung it at Chuck's belly which cut his corset he was wearing under his shirt and Chuck's flaby gut poured out proving that the 8 minute ab workout did not work
With this, time seemed to stand still. Everyone stood and looked in horror at the corpulent form of Chuck. His eyes moved around wildly in fear and non-comprehension, and then slowly fixed upon the shniy cover of the video. He saw himself, and began to shake uncontrollably, and fall into small pieces of ash. The Evil Chuck Norris was destroyed. Steven Seagal turned to David Carradine and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?", to which the Kung Fu master answered
You rang m'lord?" Now if there was ever anything to drive el Seagull more insane than the disintegration of popular beat combo Steps, it was unnecessary quotation from Paul McShane sitcoms and before Carradine could respond, he
had Tenchi-Ken stuck right between the eyes!
With Chuck gone Darkshade's voice sent them on another quest. That quest was to
eliminate the King of the 'water you can never get out of the cup when your finished'. Darkshade also spoke of King WYCNGOOTC's castle, which was filled to the brim with
things that do not exist, such as plant feces, women's beards, and intelligent Aussies
So Hakan Sukur, Steven Seagal and Spitman set out on the arduous journey to the castle of the King of WYCNGOOTC, whose actual name was Taah the XVth. Their path took them deep into the fetid swamps of
eternal peril where a deadly bunny lived. Sadly, some film had killed it off beforehand so lets say it was a deadly budgie
and my addition: that loved the movie "steel magnolias".......
