The Mandelbrot Affair

[krc]

Spoiler :

In 640 AD, Hamburg finished training a unit of catapults. German soldiers were ecstatic. They had grown bored with beating up random strangers, whether with clubs or bows and arrows or swords. The idea of throwing large boulders in random directions to see if they could create fractal patterns of destruction thrilled them to no end. The citizens of Hamburg pointed the catapult-wielding ruffians down the road in the direction of China, and then promptly forgot about them in the excitement of starting construction on a new market to rival those of the other German cities.

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Meanwhile, the intrepid German explorers sailing their triremes down the coast from Seoul discovered the Barringer Crater. For some reason, learning that a giant hole existed halfway around the world made the German people deliriously happy.

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Although no pictorial evidence exists, the national epic was completed in Berlin in 720 AD. They immediately started construction on a university so that they would have scholars who could deconstruct the epic and then write learned commentaries about it.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

Those years saw the beginning of the reign of yet another Bismarck, Rupert the Unstable. Historians are divided over whether his name derived from physical or mental instability. Numerous tales survive detailing a series of accidents suffered by Rupert, all of which point to a decided lack of coordination. He was also, however, prone to blustering announcements, pronouncements, denouncements, and every other kind of nouncement. When the Chinese refused to sign an agreement for open borders under any kind of reasonable conditions, he denounced them bitterly. The Greek member of the Lovin' Spoonful sent a message heartily approving of this denouncement. For some reason, the Chinese did not react as positively as the Greeks.

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Munich reacted to the news by shipping another unit of catapults south toward the Chinese border. In order to take some more boisterous youths off the streets, they also started recruiting another unit of Landsknecht troops.

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Continuing down the coast, German triremes met the generous city-state of Capetown.

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German scientists discovered steel.

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German soldiers celebrated the discovery by staging a surfing competition off the coast of China. The Lovin' Spoonful did not provide musical entertainment during the interlude.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

Rupert the Unstable sent riders hither and yon to try to understand the state of diplomatic relations between the major civilizations. France was at war with Siam and Persia. Greece was also at war with Siam. Among normal human beings, this might suggest that Greece and France were (at least temporarily) natural allies. In the rarefied world of diplomatic relations between nations, however, it merely meant that Greece had denounced France. India (wherever they might be) was friendly with almost everyone. The Chinese had mostly stayed out of the diplomatic firestorm, except for the traditional denouncement from the Greeks. To the hawks in the German government, this state of relations seemed like the perfect time to wage war against the pusillanimous Chinese.

Spoiler :

Rupert the Unstable, however, read the scouting reports from the troops who had gathered to the south of China, and decided to wait for a player to be named later.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

While Rupert the Unstable swung wildly between blustery shows of force toward China and hints of reconciliation, life went on in the German empire. Another Great Engineer was born in Berlin.

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German triremes sailed past the coast of France and met the leader of another major civilization: Montezuma the One-Eyed of the Aztecs. In spite of his fascination with fire, he seemed like a friendly enough guy.

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They met the city-states of Singapore and Brussels.

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They also discovered another natural wonder, which caused widespread celebrations throughout Germany. Riots of happiness broke out spontaneously in all the major cities; the news was proclaimed by the ringing of bells and the flinging of large stones in random fractal directions.

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The pious Germans adopted theocracy. Rupert the Unstable declared himself the head of the church in Germany, and tried to proclaim himself Holy Roman Emperor. The Germans were mightily confused by this development, since they had never heard of any Romans. They also objected that he was only allowed to pronounce, not proclaim. The riots that had started with the celebration of the discovery of Old Faithful soon evolved into protests against the government. Rupert was overthrown, and his cousin, Waldemar the Quarreller, was installed as the 84th Bismarck to rule Germany. (As the 84th ruler, this made him twice the answer to the great question of life, the universe, and everything.)

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

As Waldemar the Quarreller took office, Berlin completed constructing its university. Waldemar decided that a shift away from the consumer-oriented markets to traditional German values (like engineering) warranted the construction of workshops. Essen completed its monument and obediently followed suit, beginning construction of their own workshop.

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Waldemar also reviewed the troop deployments that he had inherited from his cousin. To the north of China, the German soldiers had surfed into a position from which they could launch a powerful invasion against Beijing.

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To the south of China, the Chinese forces had drifted slightly in the direction of Siam. They had left a critical catapult unit vulnerable to a sudden attack from the German longswordsmen, and had left an exposed unit of pikemen to hold their northern flank. Waldemar wasn't called the Quarreller for nothing; he immediately declared war on the Chinese.

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The French, who had been at war with someone for almost all of recorded history, seemed to take the declaration of war as a personal affront, and immediately denounced Germany. Waldemar told them to get stuffed. German diplomats translated this into French as "very well". For Waldemar, that might well be a reasonable translation.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

Berlin's Great Engineer traveled north to Munich and hurried the construction of Notre Dame. Munich then returned to recruiting Landsknechts.

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The war against China swung rapidly in favor of the Germans. The southern army held a solid position, and their ranged units kept what was left of the Chinese forces at bay.

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The northern army moved swiftly against Beijing, which soon fell. The Chinese governor of the city was replaced by a German-controlled puppet.

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The combined German armies then moved against Shanghai with no opposition.

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China had ceased to exist as an independent nation.

 

[krc]

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As the war wound down, Cologne and Munich completed their respective construction projects and began building workshops.

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Berlin, meanwhile, completed its workshop and started on the Porcelain Tower.

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The Siamese and Persians came to an agreement and denounced the Germans as a warmongering menace to the world. The war-mongerers in Berlin threw a party to celebrate having achieved international recognition.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

Scientific breakthroughs were coming thick and fast to Germany. Chivalry was discovered in 1030 AD and the compass in 1070.

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Hamburg, although a little late to the party, completed their market and started on their own workshop. Frankfurt began recruiting settlers. The cornerstone was laid for the first building of the University of Munich.

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The next German scientific breakthrough was the discovery of Astronomy.

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With this discovery, the Germans entered the Renaissance. Germany at the time was ruled by its 93rd Bismarck, Dagobert the Slow.

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As a present to Dagobert in celebration of entering the Renaissance, the Germans held a festival. During the festivities, the renowned scholar Boethius presented Dagobert with a list of the world's busiest people. Gandhi was far and away the busiest. Rumor also had it that the Indians were far ahead of all other civilizations in social policy. Dagobert may have been slow, but he wasn't a complete idiot; these stories worried him. He was also confused about exactly where the Indians were accomplishing all of these feats. Germans had met representatives of India millennia ago; they were the second foreign civilization (after China) that the Germans had ever encountered. And yet, years of dedicated exploration had not turned up any sign of their cities; no one seemed to know exactly where they were located. German scholars reminded Dagobert of the ancient stories of the Mandelbrot who lived in the uttermost west. Dagobert slowly came to believe that the Indian civilization was located in this mysterious "uttermost west", and that their success grew out of their mastery of fractals, learned at the foot of the Mandelbrot. He swore an oath on behalf of the German people that Indian control of the Mandelbrot and fractal power would someday be replaced by Germany.

 

[mbkkbm]

subbed....this is funny!

 

[DragonHead]

subbed, hilarious good job!

 

[krc]

Dagobert was followed as ruler of Germany by Adalbert the Indolent. Adalbert could not have cared less about the administration of an empire; he was too busy playing games. Because his rule occurred at an early period in the evolution of games, the rules kept changing mid-stream. These continual rule changes kept him distracted (since even old games looked new when the rules mutated) during the entire period that he served as the 94th Bismarck. Fortunately for the German people, the empire was in such good shape at this point that it practically ran itself.

Spoiler :

Frankfurt finished recruiting a settler and began building a colosseum, since they wanted to get their share of the tourist trade.

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German scientists discovered machinery.

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Berlin completed the Porcelain Tower. As a result of their accomplishments, science flourished and they immediately discovered navigation. The influx of scientists, however, led to increased squabbling in the streets, with the scientists divided into two camps. One argued that the Porcelain Tower fit into the theme of pyramid-topped wonders constructed in the city; the other argued that the not-quite-repeating pattern of floors was fractally inspired. The mayor of Berlin decided that the most reasonable next step was to recruit some knights who could be used to clear the streets.

 

[krc]

Economic development in the German empire proceeded apace.

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Essen constructed a workshop and started on a market.

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German scientists discovered banking.

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Berlin recruited a troop of knights, who succeeded in clearing the streets of the rabble of scientific groupies and hangars-on.

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Munich finished its gardens and started on a bank.

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Frankfurt completed its colosseum and started on a bank.

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During this period of economic growth, Germany was ruled by Radiger the Secretive. Radiger founded another city, Dortmund, with the settlers who had left the city of Frankfurt years before. He refused to allow anyone to draw pictures or maps of the city in order to obscure its fundamentally military purposes. Modern cartographers of the period have placed the city near the ancient borders of Siam. Part of the historical evidence for its location is a communication from the Siamese rulers objecting to the German acquisition of land near their border. The area in dispute controlled access to yet another source of iron. The modern location of Dortmund can be discerned from the small inset maps above.

 

[GGM007]

Great stuff, looking forward to the rest..

 

[NinjaCow64]

IMO this is the best story in the Civ 5 forums. I must remeber to re-read itthe alst update on something that exdisplays the pictures properly.

 

[Galactic Lord]

Wow, this is really great! I like how you turn something completely usual, like building a Knight, into something very interesting with a story.

 

[DragonHead]

!!!.!!

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

The middle years (1300--1500 AD) of the Renaissance passed relatively quietly in German. In many ways, these years were a golden age for the German middle class. Bismarcks came; Bismarcks went. One significant social trend in the period had a large impact on later historians who tried to tell the story of those years. The people who had entered monasteries during the medieval era---the men who had become scribes, the men who had produced magnificent illustrated manuscripts---found other employment for their skills. Many of them went into banking; Berlin, Cologne, and Hamburg all began constructing major banking establishments during those years.

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The discovery of gunpowder in 1330 had a smaller impact on social mobility than the discovery of the printing press in 1390 or the discovery of economics in 1470.

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The German capital continued to be the most wonderful city in the world. The recruitment of a Great Engineer hurried the production of the monumental Forbidden Palace. Later, Berlin began constructing the Taj Mahal.

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Although peace and prosperity spread in fractal waves through the empire during this age, some imperfections surfaced. On two occasions, German knights were forced to clear barbarian camps. As had happened so many times before, bands of barbarians responded to these opportunities to better themselves by enlisting in the German army.

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On a more ominous note, tensions remained quite high with between Germany and Siam. Troops from both sides patrolled the borders near the German military city of Dortmund.

 

[crashcrush]

"The Siamese and Persians came to an agreement and denounced the Germans as a warmongering menace to the world. The war-mongerers in Berlin threw a party to celebrate having achieved international recognition. "

LOL - I now think of this line every time I get hit with my own denouncement cascade. Love the write up. Keep it up.

 

[krc]

Spoiler :

As the 16th century dawned, Griswald the Impulsive ruled as Bismarck in Germany. As you might guess from his name, he did not spend a lot of time weighing all of the options before making decisions. He took one look at the map and concluded that the Siamese city of Phitsanulok would make a fine fractal addition to the German empire. He made this demand to the Siamese ambassador, who did not see the wisdom in this proposal. Griswald threw the ambassador into the dungeon at the base of the Forbidden Palace. He then ordered the German army to invade Siam.

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Phitsanulok fell quickly in the face of the German invasion.

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The Siamese elephant units were experienced fighters, but their previous campaigns had been against the French. They didn't fare as well against a line of German landsknechts backed by trebuchets, crossbows, and longswords.

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Siam put up a spirited defense of Lampang, where access for attacking units was limited by hills around the city. A German army kept the Siamese forces pinned down behind Lampang while other troops swept across the southern part of the continent acquiring cities.