The Rules of Being a Man

[fe3333au]

@Rambuchan - Actually to be perfectly honest ... I am enjoying your rules and will discuss (in a male manner at the pub tonight) ...

The idea of what is male and how must one act is even more confusing to men due to all the conflicting information and stereotypes we are bombarded with ...

I was raised to be polite, opening doors, etc ... respect elders and women ... arguments have occured due to this because it's been misconstued as a belittling of wymen ...

I have been involved in the arts and therefore can act a little flamboyant ... I made the mistake of refering to having drinks with some people as having 'drinky-poos' ... the 'blokes' next to me sniggered but were used to me as I am usually friendly at the local pub ... they treat me sometimes as the token 'gay' ... I have in fact given up correcting them ... very surprising as the women, some of them partners to blokes, don't see me as such ... my mistake is that I talk to them ... but not in a sleazy manner ... in fact the 'blokes' mentioned above waded into the fray when I was being hassled at the bar by a bunch of young drunk dickheads ...

Also hugging ... I hug hug hug ... It's very interesting to get the freezing up reaction from not huggers ... but you soon work out the boundary and either goto firm 3 shake hand grip or hugging is OK, but not with everyone ... Have even had the wierd occurance of the 'bloke' trying to out-gay me ... getting bear hugged with a 'G'day sweetie' discorse ... but a kiss on the bloke's cheek diffuses the situation ...

I have fun keeping them guessing ... but it never ceases to amaze me that even when I bring a partner to the pub and after some Jaegermeisters get somewhat amorous ... the token-gay label remains ... Oh well, I have fun with em

 

[downtown]

First, i'd like to say that this thread cracks me up. Allow me to weigh in on each rule

1)yup. girls may make fun of us for this, but no male will comment on the looks of another. it just isnt allowed. It bothers my girlfriend sometimes, but thats just the way it goes.

2) Agreed. I in fact make a point to avoid public restrooms, and if I can, i always take an open stall as opposed to a unirnal

3) I say happy birthday on my mate's birthday...but i havent really gotten them anything since we were about 14. The only bdays i remember and celebrate on a consistant basis are my girlfriend's and my siblings. I might buy the birthday guy dinner or something, but no card or gift.

4) I hug sometimes. Its a little bit slappy and male-ish, but im not afraid to do it. im much more likely to high-five though

5) always. Nevermind that my girlfriend is way loaded, and I am not. I always attempt to. She gets mad if I always pay, but if she does, i certainly make sure that its known im not happy. One the one time i forgot my wallet, i felt like scum

6) this ought to go with saying. I'd also like to recomend that guys always hold the door open for a lady. Its easy, it doesnt take much work or thought, but its polite, and people really notice it.

7) I dont use any skin stuff, and pretty rarely junk up my hair. Maybe i will now, since its cut shorter...but in the heat, why bothter?

8) hell yes. I love steak!

9) i havent cried in public in a very long time. It isnt something that ought to be very frowned upon per say though. if I really had a reason, i'd do it.

10) ahh, if im lost, im asking for help. forget being macho

11) er, i guess i dont really have anything to say about this

12) you bet. never trust a bloke who shaves his chest. Im going to buy an electric shaver though, since shaving wet is too much trouble on a regular basis, and i hate cutting myself.

13) no question

I've found that making a point of acting all "manly" doesnt appeal to that many women. Its one thing to follow all the rules when at the pub or a sporting event...but if one is trying to impress a lady, sucking it up a little bit never hurt. just my advice.

keep it up!

 

[shortguy]

Lets see how I stack up:

1) I'm not opposed to admitting that a man is attractive, and I have done so before, usually in the company of female friends.

2) Absolutely true. In fact, I would rather not talk to a buddy at a urinal.

3) I don't send birthday cards, though I probably would if I thought that someone would like me to.

4) I'm not opposed to hugging a man, but I wouldn't kiss another man and I'd rather not put suntan lotion on anyone's back.

5) This seems to refer to date etiquette, with which I am not especially familiar; I would certainly offer to pay, though.

6) Done it before in a very informal setting. See previous.

7) I don't moisturize. I'm not opposed to it per se, I just don't.

8) I prefer chicken, personally. Though I'm not a big quiche fan, I would say that I pretty much ignore this rule.

9) I used to cry a lot. It's one of the reasons that I really hate the person I was when I was younger. Worse, I would always cry at insignificant, meaningless things, yet I probably could not cry at a funeral.

10) I avoid asking for directions/help. Not because I'm opposed to it, but rather I am just extremely uncomfortable talking to people I don't know, especially if I feel like I'm potentially imposing upon them in any way.

11) Whatever. It never comes up or anything.

12) I use an electric razor, though I'm not especially impressed by the closeness. I don't shave non-facial hair, though I'm not opposed to it.

13) I've hit close female friends in fun, but I'm just not the sort that hits people in general.

So there. I guess I'm not a real man. I'd better get on that...

 

[raen]

OK where in Europe?

Here, cheek kissing is not done much at all, and a man-man one would lead to immediate cries of "gay!". In the cheek-kissing areas I've visited, man-woman and woman-woman are common, but man-man is taboo.

I kiss my father and my uncle in both cheeks


I dont follow rules, but I do many of the things written on those rules tough, I think is natural to most men.

 

[WildFire]

[

RULE 1 ~ Never say that another man is good-looking.

Haven't done that.

RULE 2 ~ Never talk to a man you don't know whilst at the urinal and certainly never peak over into his cubicle.

Duh.

RULE 3 ~ Refrain from sending each other birthday cards.

Guilty. Finding really sarcastic cards is what I do

RULE 4 ~ Physical contact must be closely monitored. This is broken down as follows:

a) No holding hands ever. Hand shake must be firm and the duration dependant on familiarity.

High fives are the way to go

b) Regarding hugging: Only acceptable i) during winning sports occassions. In the case of a loss you can put arms over shoulders but don't let them slide to the waist or around the back. ii) in greeting (this must be short and back slappy) iii) when drunk (but watch it doesn't get out of hand).

c) If feet touch under the table, move them quick and be disturbed about it.

Had that happen, very awkward.

d) Regarding Suntan Lotion: Never apply lotion to another man's back, unless that man is a close relative, and then only in the complete absense of women. If a friend nags you into breaking this rule you should disown them or at least refuse.

Hardly ever use the stuff anyway

e) Regarding kissing: Only between Dads, Grandads, Sons and Brothers. This is only on the cheek. Lips never come into it ok? Just dry cheek on dry cheek and no lingering either. Don't do two, that's clearly unnecessary and reckless. This rule is culturally specific and it should be presumed that all kinds of kissing are well off limits if at all possible.

Never.

RULE 5 ~ Always make a determined effort to pay the bill.

I've been tryin' to do that lately with a friend of mine who I KNOW likes me but she'll never let me pay.

RULE 6 ~ You must offer your coat when a lady is cold.

Duh

RULE 7 ~ It is now OK to moisturise. (check exceptions)

Ok..

RULE 8 ~ If there is the option of Steak or Quiche on the menu, for god's sake order the steak!

Hell yeah steak.

RULE 9 ~ Regarding Crying - don't do it, except:

a) When your team loses - in this case you can do it openly and blubber like an idiot.

Last time I cried was during the Yankees collapse last playoffs.

c) All other circumstances are totally unacceptable.

You're fiancee just broke up with you and you aren't allowed to cry?

RULE 10 ~ Never ask for directions or help.

Maps

RULE 11 ~ Regarding 'size'. It's so obvious it matters that you should never even bother discussing it.

RULE 12 ~ No blades, no wax, no strips, no buzzing razors near anything but the face and in this case wet shave is what gives you cold steel on skin and greater blood loss. The body is a temple remember, none of the above near any of it.

Ok..

RULE 13 ~ Real men do not hit women in any circumstance.

Guilty but it's only in a playful/teasing nature



Can a real man admit they're tired? I'm beat!

 

[Jawz II]

Mate, as the song says, you're 'simply irresistable!' (no offense ) -- you proved to the world that you're a real Man

noooooo, i just proved to the world that i have smelly armpits, when you grow hair there youll know what im talking about (if you havent yet)

i thought this thread was mostly a joke, as it has been mentioned else where, dont take these rules too seriously, be your own person, dont do whats youre expected to do, do what you want to do

you wanna know whats manly? i can do anything and it would be manly!
i could dance balet and it would look so frigging manly!! (not really, it wouldnt)

but its that mindset, ok? if youre constantly worried about whats manly and whats not, then youre not a very manly male
this is a quote from a song i like: "if you ever doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive"

 

[The Last Conformist]

Since most of my contributions to this thread this far has been belittling Mise's cheney, I thought I'd see how I measure up against The Rules.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 1 ~ Never say that another man is good-looking.

* I've been known to do it, but mostly I just don't care about men's looks.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 2 ~ Never talk to a man you don't know whilst at the urinal and certainly never peak over into his cubicle.

* I won't initiate such a conversation, but if someone starts one, I'll chat away. Incidentally, cubicles at urinals? WTH?

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 3 ~ Refrain from sending each other birthday cards.

* Never send birthday cards. Might give gifts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 4 ~ Physical contact must be closely monitored. This is broken down as follows:

a) No holding hands ever. Hand shake must be firm and the duration dependant on familiarity.

* I follow that, I suppose.

b) Regarding hugging: Only acceptable i) during winning sports occassions. In the case of a loss you can put arms over shoulders but don't let them slide to the waist or around the back. ii) in greeting (this must be short and back slappy) iii) when drunk (but watch it doesn't get out of hand).

* I'm quite relaxed about hugging guys. Been known to do it just to embarass them.

c) If feet touch under the table, move them quick and be disturbed about it.

* I tend to kick in those situations.

d) Regarding Suntan Lotion: Never apply lotion to another man's back, unless that man is a close relative, and then only in the complete absense of women. If a friend nags you into breaking this rule you should disown them or at least refuse.

* No-one ever asked me to.

e) Regarding kissing: Only between Dads, Grandads, Sons and Brothers. This is only on the cheek. Lips never come into it ok? Just dry cheek on dry cheek and no lingering either. Don't do two, that's clearly unnecessary and reckless. This rule is culturally specific and it should be presumed that all kinds of kissing are well off limits if at all possible.

* I never kiss a guy, especially not relatives. (Actually, I kissed a guy once, but that was to stop him playing gay. It worked.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then it gets complicated as we now have this idea of 'women's equality', adding more confusion for the budding machoman living in the 21st century. Some of the rules have changes and some have not.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 5 ~ Always make a determined effort to pay the bill.

Whether you earn more than the woman or not, you must do so. If the lady insists forcefully, you have to accept that times have changed and let her do it. But make sure she realises you are not happy about it.

* Standard assumption is that the bill is split. If a girl wants to pay, and she's not doing it all the time, I'll just say "thank you".

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 6 ~ You must offer your coat when a lady is cold.

Some things never change. You must still presume that she is fragile and incapable of protecting herself.

* I do that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 7 ~ It is now OK to moisturise. (check exceptions)

We are now allowed / supposed to take pride in our appearance. This means you can go over board on hair wax and moisturisers.

* I'll use moisturizer if my skin is cracking. Hair wax is an abomination.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 8 ~ If there is the option of Steak or Quiche on the menu, for god's sake order the steak!

This is a case specific illustration of a general rule. If there is a non-veg option ie. red meat, go for that and ignore the vegetarian shi*e. That stuff is for rabbits and models.

* Meat all the way. Veggie stuff is bad for the waistline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 9 ~ Regarding Crying - don't do it, except:

a) When your team loses - in this case you can do it openly and blubber like an idiot.

* Crying about sports is for subhumans.

b) When there is a bereavement in the family - this must be done reluctantly and in a stiffled fashion. No boo-hoo-hooing, again that's for the ladies and kids. If you feel the need to break down, get it over with quick. The recovery should be noble, with much flaring of the nostrils and whiping of the eye with the back of the hand.

* I failed to cry at my beloved grandfather's funeral.

c) All other circumstances are totally unacceptable.

* I mostly only cry when cutting onions.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 10 ~ Never ask for directions or help.

You don't need any help in explaining this one do you?

* I'll ask for directions if I need it. The locals are there for my benefit, after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 11 ~ Regarding 'size'. It's so obvious it matters that you should never even bother discussing it.

* It's worth discussing for the badly concealed shame on many guys' faces.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 12 ~ No blades, no wax, no strips, no buzzing razors near anything but the face and in this case wet shave is what gives you cold steel on skin and greater blood loss. The body is a temple remember, none of the above near any of it.

* Only shave my face, but I use a shaving machine. Got tired about my mother's constant complains about cuts in my face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 13 ~ Real men do not hit women in any circumstance.

Again this is the presumption that women are utterly defenceless creatures, completely unable to fend for themselves in anyway. In abiding by this rule, we tacitly condon women hitting men. This is to secure the moral high ground naturally - I mean if women have to resort to violence, this clearly demonstrates their innate irrationality.

You must also be warned that the law courts in most western countries take this similarly condescending view on violence towards women. Just don't do it. You've been given the gift of reason - use it.[/QUOTE]

* If a woman hits me, I'll hit her. Indeed, I'll hit a woman in the same circumstances I'll hit a man.

The defenseless thing is largely true, tho. None of the women that've attacked me over the years put up much of a fight.

 

[A'AbarachAmadan]

Great Thread!! Very funny.

RULE 1 ~ Never say that another man is good-looking.
Hmm...I find if I point out hot guys to the wifey she points out hot chicks to me! My own personal exception.
RULE 2 ~ Never talk to a man you don't know whilst at the urinal and certainly never peak over into his cubicle.
What, no comments about the cold water?!
RULE 3 ~ Refrain from sending each other birthday cards.
Concur.
RULE 4 ~ Physical contact must be closely monitored.
Well, ya!
RULE 5 ~ Always make a determined effort to pay the bill.
Well, being married kills this one as it all belongs to her.
RULE 6 ~ You must offer your coat when a lady is cold.
Obviously!!
RULE 7 ~ It is now OK to moisturise. (check exceptions)
What, are you all becoming girly men?!
RULE 8 ~ If there is the option of Steak or Quiche on the menu, for god's sake order the steak!
Of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RULE 9 ~ Regarding Crying - don't do it, except:
Exceptions?!?!?!
RULE 10 ~ Never ask for directions or help.
Well, I always break this one, but traveling alot will make one more willing.
RULE 11 ~ Regarding 'size'. It's so obvious it matters that you should never even bother discussing it.
RULE 12 ~ No blades, no wax, no strips, no buzzing razors near anything but the face and in this case wet shave is what gives you cold steel on skin and greater blood loss. The body is a temple remember, none of the above near any of it.
What about a good dry shave?!
RULE 13 ~ Real men do not hit women in any circumstance.
Unless they're a terrorist, in which case we just shoot them.

 

[King Alexander]

i thought this thread was mostly a joke, as it has been mentioned else where, dont take these rules too seriously, be your own person, dont do whats youre expected to do, do what you want to do

Real Men are absolutely sure about something, they don't say 'I thought'!

you wanna know whats manly? i can do anything and it would be manly!
i could dance balet and it would look so frigging manly!! (not really, it wouldnt)

Of course, a Real Man do whatever he wants(even balet )

but its that mindset, ok? if youre constantly worried about whats manly and whats not, then youre not a very manly male
this is a quote from a song i like: "if you ever doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive"

Don't worry mate, every person is different and this is a funny thread about the 'myths' of what a Real Man is

oh...just to know...a Real Man isn't ever worried about what's manly or not, because he relies on the instincts of the Real Man

 

[The Last Conformist]

Real Men are absolutely sure about something, they don't say 'I thought'!

That's because real men are anti-intellectual neanderthals.

 

[Brewster]

While sending a buddy a card on his birthday is not a good idea, buying him a beer is perfectly acceptable (encouraged in fact).

Your drinks should be one colour and contain none of the following (umbrella, fruit slice, cherries, or any kind of embellishment that does not contribute to the drink).

BBQ everything you can. Food is better when cooked over an open flame.

 

[classical_hero]

@ Classic_Hero:[/B] You are confused old chap. It's boys who wear T-shirts with slogans.

obviously you are not a real man.

 

[Rambuchan]

obviously you are not a real man.

:shakehead

 

[Rambuchan]

@Rambuchan - Actually to be perfectly honest ... I am enjoying your rules and will discuss (in a male manner at the pub tonight) ...

The idea of what is male and how must one act is even more confusing to men due to all the conflicting information and stereotypes we are bombarded with ...

I was raised to be polite, opening doors, etc ... respect elders and women ... arguments have occured due to this because it's been misconstued as a belittling of wymen ...

I have been involved in the arts and therefore can act a little flamboyant ... I made the mistake of refering to having drinks with some people as having 'drinky-poos' ... the 'blokes' next to me sniggered but were used to me as I am usually friendly at the local pub ... they treat me sometimes as the token 'gay' ... I have in fact given up correcting them ... very surprising as the women, some of them partners to blokes, don't see me as such ... my mistake is that I talk to them ... but not in a sleazy manner ... in fact the 'blokes' mentioned above waded into the fray when I was being hassled at the bar by a bunch of young drunk dickheads ...

Also hugging ... I hug hug hug ... It's very interesting to get the freezing up reaction from not huggers ... but you soon work out the boundary and either goto firm 3 shake hand grip or hugging is OK, but not with everyone ... Have even had the wierd occurance of the 'bloke' trying to out-gay me ... getting bear hugged with a 'G'day sweetie' discorse ... but a kiss on the bloke's cheek diffuses the situation ...

I have fun keeping them guessing ... but it never ceases to amaze me that even when I bring a partner to the pub and after some Jaegermeisters get somewhat amorous ... the token-gay label remains ... Oh well, I have fun with em

Although I appreciate what you are saying here in the main, I have to say you are tredding on thin ice mate

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Another excellent thread Ram Although that is as much of a compliment as you will get out of me

I had a friend once who started to kiss lads on the cheek when he was drunk. It was a shame because we spilt some of our beer as we broke our bottles on his head.

Men should never, ever admit they're wrong. Especially in an arguement that involves sport. Furthermore, men should belittle female sportspersons as often as possible to try and hide the fact that the female sportsperson would hammer us at the sport in question (Except football obviously!)

Men should also f***ing F and blind as much as humanly f***ing possible whenever there are no f***ing women or kids about.

Oh and as far as being anti-intellecutal is concerned after reading The Star always pre-fix "I'm not racist/sexist/homophobic" to a statement that is racist/sexist/homophobic.

 

[Rambuchan]

* I won't initiate such a conversation, but if someone starts one, I'll chat away. Incidentally, cubicles at urinals? WTH?

Cubicle was a (lame) word I came up with in case some folk did not use the word urinal. :shrug:

* I'm quite relaxed about hugging guys. Been known to do it just to embarass them.

Like I said, tredding on thin ice. If it breaks you know what icey water does right?

* Meat all the way. Veggie stuff is "bad for the waistline".

* Crying about sports is for subhumans.

You're tredding on some sacred ground there mate.

* I mostly only cry when cutting onions.

:shakehead you've obviously not derived ANY benefit from this thread.

* If a woman hits me, I'll hit her. Indeed, I'll hit a woman in the same circumstances I'll hit a man. The defenseless thing is largely true, tho. None of the women that've attacked me over the years put up much of a fight.

All bravado aside, that is shameful TLC. It woud take a pretty butch woman to prevent a guy restraining her. You don't need to use violence in response to violence, especially in such an uneven match up.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

* Crying about sports is for subhumans.

Obviously you haven't cared enough

 

[fe3333au]

I could be doing research :brush: ... no ... I wouldn't even fall for that one ... ...
I just guess I will forever remain on the outside, never really understanding the subtleties of this strange machismo world of burping, backslapping and beer swilling bliss

 

[Jawz II]

Don't worry mate, every person is different and this is a funny thread about the 'myths' of what a Real Man is :

<---- do i look worried?

Real Men are absolutely sure about something, they don't say 'I thought'!

actually what i meant was : i condiser this thread to be mostly a joke, not that it matters, if youre sure of anything youre most likely wrong

Of course, a Real Man do whatever he wants(even balet ):

im doing a pretty good jig right now as im typing

oh...just to know...a Real Man isn't ever worried about what's manly or not, because he relies on the instincts of the Real Man

thats what i said

 

[The Last Conformist]

All bravado aside, that is shameful TLC. It woud take a pretty butch woman to prevent a guy restraining her. You don't need to use violence in response to violence, especially in such an uneven match up.

I don't think a grown-up person who attacks me physically is in any position to complain if I reply in kind.

I exaggerated when I said I'd necessarily hit someone if he or she hit me, tho; if the attacker is pathetic enough, I may content myself to restraining him/her (which is violence in my book, as well as of those I've done it to, but whatever), or in extreme cases just parry the blows till the person walks of crying because her (never happened with a he) hands hurt.

The point is, I don't care about an attacker's gender; I care about his or her strength, size, competence, and intent.