The Rules of Being a Man

[Dann]

@JoeM
Oh you mean the original rules all the way back in page 1? Now those are gospel. To be followed to the letter.

 

[crabapple]

A real man follows, breaks or bends any rules,laws or regulations he sees fit.

 

[JoeM]

The only rock solid rule is: never cry in public. No matter what. Run out of the room like Clark Kent rushing to a phone booth, if necessary. Adhere to that bare minimum and you'll be just fine.

If you are having trouble keeping the tears in, in public, then you should send back your birth certificate and request an amendment.

 

[Winston Khan]

C'mon! This is NOT a serious thread. That sexist crap I posted was NOT what I would recommend in real life.

Uhuh, do you not hear the sarcasm oozing from the posts! Do you know the consequences of bringing 'Serious' up in a thread of this topic...

Sexist, bring it on....

 

[Bozo Erectus]

If you are having trouble keeping the tears in, in public, then you should send back your birth certificate and request an amendment.

Either that, or just return your defective testicles to the manufacturer.

 

[Rambuchan]

A problem such as when the geezer in the petrol station doesn't switch on the pump for a few minutes when you are holding your nozzle in the reservior and you are wanting to beat the Formula One pit time! (This could be in the road-trip rules, but used here as an example). Surely has to be an annoyance for any competitive man.

Your problem is understood brotherman. Please consider:

a) If you are in some kind of Cannonball Run style competition with some macho-wanna-be, then clearly one should have established a vast lead over that pretender early in the day. The little stop offs should have been fitted into your schedule already. No sympathy for losers here.

b) Bearing in mind the above, a truly manly one would consider this an opportunity, not a problem. This scenario is a piffle, to be fair. But anyway, it presents a clear opportunity to flaunt your manliness across the gas station forecourt, especially if a troupe of young ladies is present. Consider leaning in through your open driver's window and pumping brusquely on the horn a few times. That'll get 'the geezer in the petrol station's' attention and the troupe's. It'll get your gas flowing and their's, if you know what I mean *snort snort*. Consider gesturing to him threateningly and saying something like: "Hey punk, was you born an idiot or do you take lessons? Bring the gas fool!" Then try spitting on the forecourt floor, tipping your hat and winking at the troupe (who will now be giggling furtively). I hope you now see how this scenario really is an opportunity, and not a problem at all.

Does this help at all?

 

[Rambuchan]

That should be a manly rule; with age you should become more entrenched in chauvanism, not less.

Can I hear a second voice for this one? I'm kind of convinced this needs to be entered into the law books.

I'm sure it's come up on the last 32 pages, but do REAL man adhere to any rules, anyway? Isn't the very action of writing down rules girly-man stuff?

Like I said to Winston: There is no sympathy for losers here. If writing down rules is a girly-man activity, then your questioning them can hardly be consider macho. In fact, it reads like whining, of sorts. You've done yourself a real disservice here Kaeptn.

 

[JoeM]

A real man follows, breaks or bends any rules,laws or regulations he sees fit.

Not his own unspoken code though; look at any of the world's greatest men:

Jack, Conan, err...<null>

You're talking about corporate rules, the Marshall's laws, Health and Safety, and the like.

 

[Winston Khan]

Your problem is understood brotherman.... etc

Does this help at all?

Fella, I see your point, this is however an off-the-cuff example, created in a moments notice! I am not, myself, associated with; either losing a competition or; having to raise my profile in order to be served effectively/efficiently/properly.

But what other rules can be observed or typed....?

 

[Brighteye]

What a funny thread. Best of all is the way the rules are formulated as if you could do any different.
As if any man actually realises how good-looking his companions are! A heterosexual male will have no idea how good looking men are, since he likes girls.
Had me in stitches. Nice one.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

As if any man actually realises how good-looking his companions are! A heterosexual male will have no idea how good looking men are, since he likes girls.

Had me in stitches. Nice one.

 

[Brighteye]

Yes, yes, I should change it to read 'male companions', rather than implying that his only companions are men.

 

[garric]

I think sent you a PM about this earlier but you have chosen to ignore it. I would ask that you remove the ManOwaR reference, the one you implied that ManOwaR is "gay". ManOwaR consists of very strong men, and they play really hardcore metal, so I think classifying them as gay is just a facet of your sexual insecurity.

You think these lyrics are gay?:

Manowar - Pleasure Slave

She Is Waiting To Kiss My Hand
But She Will Wait For My Command
My Chains And Collar Brought Her To Her Knees
She Now Is Free To Please
Woman Be My Slave
That's Your Reason To Live
Woman Be My Slave
The Greatest Gift I Can Give
Woman Be My Slave
Before Her Surrender She Had No Life
Now She's A Slave Not A Wife
Her Only Sorrow Is For Women Who Live With Lies
She's Taken Off Her Disguise
Woman Be My Slave
Chained Unto My Bed
Woman Be My Slave
Begging To Be Fed
Your Body Belongs To Me
Woman Come Here
Remove Your Garments
Kneel Before Me
Please Me
Woman Be My Slave
Chained Unto My Bed
Woman Be My Slave
Begging To Be Fed
I Want You Now
Woman Be My Slave

 

[Bozo Erectus]

This thread should be in the Comedy Hall of Fame.

 

[C~G]

I would ask that you remove the ManOwaR reference, the one you implied that ManOwaR is "gay". ManOwaR consists of very strong men, and they play really hardcore metal, so I think classifying them as gay is just a facet of your sexual insecurity.

It's nice to have someone to ask first something and then hearing the same person trying to disapprove the need to follow this request.

 

[ironduck]

garric is cracking me up today

 

[garric]

I guess some people take things a bit too seriously.

 

[Eukaryote]

A real man follows, breaks or bends any rules,laws or regulations he sees fit.

Exactly, we don't live by a book. But still if you have a coat and you're sitting beside a women who says she's cold, I consider you a quite a jerk if you didn't give her your coat. As I said I don't plan on breaking rules 5, 6, 8, 11, 13, and 15. But if a rule isn't about crulety or women then I'll break 'em if I damn want to.

 

[Eukaryote]

------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULE 9 ~ Regarding Crying - don't do it, except:

a) When your team loses - in this case you can do it openly and blubber like an idiot.

b) When there is a bereavement in the family - this must be done reluctantly and in a stiffled fashion. No boo-hoo-hooing, again that's for the ladies and kids. If you feel the need to break down, get it over with quick. The recovery should be noble, with much flaring of the nostrils and whiping of the eye with the back of the hand.

c) All other circumstances are totally unacceptable.

You are wrong about c). It's also okay to cry if you're doing it in front of a woman and you want her to think you're all sensitive and stuff. Basicly, crying for love, or even just to get laid, I say is a-o-k.

 

[Rambuchan]

Agreed. And thanks. That's going in!