The Rules of Being a Man

[classical_hero]

I did get an encouraging reply about that post.

 

[El Justo]

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RULE 1 ~ Never say that another man is good-looking.
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RULE 2 ~ Never talk to a man you don't know whilst at the urinal and certainly never peak over into his cubicle.
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RULE 3 ~ Refrain from sending each other birthday cards.
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RULE 4 ~ Physical contact must be closely monitored.
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RULE 5 ~ Always make a determined effort to pay the bill.
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RULE 6 ~ You must offer your coat when a lady is cold.
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RULE 7 ~ It is now OK to moisturise. (check exceptions)
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RULE 8 ~ If there is the option of Steak or Quiche on the menu, for god's sake order the steak!
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RULE 9 ~ Regarding Crying - don't do it,
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RULE 10 ~ Never ask for directions or help.
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RULE 11 ~ Regarding 'size'. It's so obvious it matters that you should never even bother discussing it.
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RULE 12 ~ No blades, no wax, no strips, no buzzing razors near anything but the face and in this case wet shave is what gives you cold steel on skin and greater blood loss. The body is a temple remember, none of the above near any of it.
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RULE 13 ~ Real men do not hit women in any circumstance.
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RULE 14 ~ Regarding Dancing: If you are good, do it, (and make sure it gets you laid). If you not good - don't do it.
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RULE 15 ~ This kind of behaviour is neither cool, manly or acceptable:
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RULE 16 ~ You should never admit that another man is willing and able to endure more physical pain than you.
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RULE 17 ~ If something needs to be done (particularly minor) and just two men are present, you must always be the first to come up with a plan which makes the other man go do that thing.
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RULE 18 ~ Real Men do not wear shoulder pads, especially when playing FOOTball.

Again this speaks for itself.

El Justo sounding off (per #)!

1. agreed. however, i'm not afraid to admit if a guy is handsome or not. although this is not something i go around exclaiming.

2. whole-heartedly agree. look straight ahead and focus intently on the caulk job around the tiles.

3. me and the fellas never, ever exchange b-day cards but we do present gives at one another's b-days. manly gifts such as tix to a game or a trip to the washy-wash.

4. agreed. back-slapping is accepted as is the non-affectionate hug when greeting a friend one hasn't seen in a while. though i'm not necessarily a proponent of this, ball players often smack each other on the bum after a good play or hit.

5. agreed (for women only though). i have some of the cheapest friends ever imagined. they're grown men, too.

6. agreed

7. i myself use lotion after shaving and after i return from the beach.

8. quiche?! are you kidding?! never! (though i will and have eaten it).

9. i cried the night before i got married. no kidding. it was tears of joy though. to cry in public or over trivial things, however, is a different story.

10. ha! i am a human GPS. just ask my wife!

11. ooo...never! the thought of it is revolting actually.

12. agreed

13. absolutely agreed

14. i will admit that the wife forced me to take dance lessons for our wedding this past january. i am happy to report that i most definitely out-performed her

15. that pic is gross, dude

16. agreed though i admit that this has never arisen amongst the fellas

17. depends on what type of setting i'm in...if it's how to open a beer bottle w/out an opener, i will defer to my beer-guzzling alcoholic friends. however, if it's a project at uni, i'm the alpha type.

18. i do not agree! some of the meanest SOBs God ever made wear should pads every sunday in the fall! (not knocking football proper a'tall)

 

[Rambuchan]

18. i do not agree! some of the meanest SOBs God ever made wear should pads every sunday in the fall! (not knocking football proper a'tall)

Please don't consider this a bump. This is more me getting round to our resident masterchef's kind post . I agree with you on pretty much everything and thank you for your response to 'the rules'.

I really have to take exception to your views on shoulder pads however. I appreciate there is a certain cultural slant to both our views. But just so as we are perfectly clear. When I hear the word "Shoulderpads", I think of this:

Spoiler :

Not this:

 

[fe3333au]

I'm confused ... in the great land of Oz ... where real men are usually called Bruce ... be play Footy which is full contact football with one team the entire game and without the need to dress up in armour ...
... and at the same time refrain from this activity which is common in the other football

 

[blindside]

I believe that photo is fake in the sense that the players were posing for it.

 

[Jawz II]

It's just wrong though isn't it? I mean what are they playing at?

I can't quite make out if they take themselves seriously or not. I'm hoping it is a piss-take but something (the widespread use of stadium rock band haircuts) tells me they ain't kidding.

I've been left quite disturbed by that image. I shall have nightmares tonight of bare chested, stadium rock stars, dressed in animal skins, singing songs called "Battle Hymn".

thank you very much

ive been engaged in more than one screaming arguement with european males about manowar and that whole genre of music!

IMHO opinion if those bands, if they arent the worst sounding, at least they are without doubt the most embarassing ones...

 

[Rambuchan]

I believe that photo is fake in the sense that the players were posing for it.

I'm inclined to agree. (Mind you they are Italian ).

Jaws - Thank you too! It's an abomination, really! :shakehead

 

[El Justo]

Please don't consider this a bump. This is more me getting round to our resident masterchef's kind post . I agree with you on pretty much everything and thank you for your response to 'the rules'.

I really have to take exception to your views on shoulder pads however. I appreciate there is a certain cultural slant to both our views. But just so as we are perfectly clear. When I hear the word "Shoulderpads", I think of this:

ha! thanks 'Ram.

i will never, ever win an argument w/ my euro friends on the heartiness of american football

though i can't stand the guy (below), he is one of the meanest, nastiest, linebackers (or persons for that matter) that ever played----Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens

 

[downtown]

that's because in real life, he's practically a murderer!

 

[Rambuchan]

Well I suspected it would come to this.

I urge you to look again at the picture above and tell me in what way your candidate is in breach of 'the rules'.

Have a look at this guy. Fancy trying to stop him in his tracks without 'shoulder pads'?









Jonah Lomu - of the All Blacks (New Zealand)

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Soccer players hug and practically make out when they score a goal.

 

[Rambuchan]

We aren't talking about soccer players here.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Oh, the guys in the pics are disguised as soccer players for a costume party, I get it now[/sarcasm]

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Oh wait a minute, thats 'rugby' isnt it? Well...uh, they make out too, yeah thats it.

 

[El Justo]

El Justo's "Rules of Being a Man" no. 19:

thou must be able properly negotiate the fancy debate of american football vs. footie & rugby

 

[Bozo Erectus]

I wouldnt know rugby if it leapt up and bit my nose

Edit: Something definitly not kosher about playing football in short-shorts

 

[Rambuchan]

El Justo's "Rules of Being a Man" no. 19:

thou must be able properly negotiate the fancy debate of american football vs. footie & rugby

Can you offer some expansion on this please? I'm all up for discussing it, but there appears to be some conflict with an existing rule. As you see from the thread, I've tried to be as inclusive and open as possible in arriving at the rules, (without coming across as a complete girly man of course ). If we are suggesting that 'negotiation' goes in, I'm ready to hear out your ideas.

Bozo, were your posts the result of a whole one or just half?

 

[Bozo Erectus]

If we are suggesting that 'negotiation' goes in, I'm ready to hear out your ideas.

Real men dont negotiate or hear out ideas. Real men say things like: Youre either with us or against us.

Bozo, were your posts the result of a whole one or just half?

Forgive me Your Honor, but Im afraid that I must make use of my Fifth Amendment rights, on the advice of my legal counsel.

 

[Rambuchan]

Real men dont negotiate or hear out ideas. Real men say things like: Youre either with us or against us.

I've tried to stay the right side of the girly man line . The with us or against us line moves beyond manliness and starts becoming primate territory.

Forgive me Your Honor, but Im afraid that I must make use of my Fifth Amendment rights, on the advice of my legal counsel.

I'll take that as a 'whole one' answer.

 

[Jawz II]

and for no other reason than to mess with manowar fans on OT heres a little gem from the 80s (again...you all knew this was coming back!)