Trouble Family problems
- Thread starter itsmelisa
- Start date
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
I wonder... if we put itsmelisa and CFC Bot in a cage and told them to fight, who would win? 
Swedishguy
Deity
Yeah, but it's old like the streetpave!
That's a funny one.
There is something that is troubling an african dude from a small and illiterate village, for a couple of days. So he seeks some advice from some of his educated friends.
He calls all of his friends and tells them his problem "Friends, i have a meeting with bill clinton in a couple of days on how to make our small village a better place, but the problem is that i do not know how to speak in english." So all his friends decide to teach him something to say to bill clinton.
They tell him that when he shakes hands with clinton then say "Hi! How are you?" And when he asks, answer him"Me too". He gets this in his head and goes to meet clinton.
On his arrival at clinton's house, they shake hands and he remember what his friend had taught him and said but he asked,
"Hi! Who are you"
Bill clinton thought this was a joke
Clinton "haha! I'm hillary's husband. And you?"
And he goes "Me too"
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- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
He calls all of his friends and tells them his problem "Friends, i have a meeting with bill clinton in a couple of days on how to make our small village a better place, but the problem is that i do not know how to speak in english." So all his friends decide to teach him something to say to bill clinton.
They tell him that when he shakes hands with clinton then say "Hi! How are you?" And when he asks, answer him"Me too". He gets this in his head and goes to meet clinton.
On his arrival at clinton's house, they shake hands and he remember what his friend had taught him and said but he asked,
"Hi! Who are you"
Bill clinton thought this was a joke
Clinton "haha! I'm hillary's husband. And you?"
And he goes "Me too"
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Swedishguy
Deity
I don't get it. 
Mise
isle of lucy
Don't worry, it was rubbish.
His friends tell him to ask Bill Clinton, "How are you?", and tell him that when Bill Clinton answers (presumably with "I'm good!" or something similar), that he should respond with "me too" (as in, "I'm good too").
But he gets it wrong, and asks "who are you?", to which Bill responds, "I'm Hillary's husband". Remembering the advice his friends gave him, the illiterate guy says, "me too".
See, not funny.
His friends tell him to ask Bill Clinton, "How are you?", and tell him that when Bill Clinton answers (presumably with "I'm good!" or something similar), that he should respond with "me too" (as in, "I'm good too").
But he gets it wrong, and asks "who are you?", to which Bill responds, "I'm Hillary's husband". Remembering the advice his friends gave him, the illiterate guy says, "me too".
See, not funny.
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
Argh, unfunny! 
Why, Jokebot, why?
Why, Jokebot, why?
Mise
isle of lucy
No makey-outy for you!
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying:
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.
Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming for?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.
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- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.
Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming for?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Swedishguy
Deity
Hmm... why don't she talk to me?!
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The
conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.
Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him
capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,
stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center
of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.
Still you couldn't, Then see below.........
think hard
tired....
wanna know the answer????
ok........ here's the Answer............
During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!!!!!
Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The
conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.
Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him
capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,
stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center
of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.
Still you couldn't, Then see below.........
think hard
tired....
wanna know the answer????
ok........ here's the Answer............
During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!!!!!
Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Ok now I am talking to u swedish hi how r u ?
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Swedishguy
Deity
I'm a just a bit pissed off because you didn't respond to my PM.
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
Jokebot? said:
...
Gaius Octavius
Deity
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2006
- Messages
- 4,016
RE: The grandfather joke...
This seems to be based off an old song. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_My_Own_Grandpa
The lyrics are very similar to the joke.
This seems to be based off an old song. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_My_Own_Grandpa
The lyrics are very similar to the joke.
I thought you were Eran and I was like "Woah man, what happened to Mormon principles?!"
Well, I can't say for sure whether or not it would violate my principles until itsmelisa posts in the Member Picture Thread . . .
Wait, what?
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
.
.
.
.
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
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- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
The mechanic shouted across the garage, Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
.
.
.
.
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
----------
- Lisa
Only The Best Funny Jokes:
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com
Mise
isle of lucy
That one and the one about the guy's salary sound awfully politically motivated. I call shenanigans.
?
