When is it "cheating" in a relationship?

[Brighteye]

Well, yes. I'll tell someone when I'm feeling like being monogamous. Until then I haven't agreed not to take my clothes off with other people, so I might.
I don't understand why sleeping with someone multiple times and spending time with them when otherwise engaged should mean that you can't do the former or the latter with anyone else, unless you're doing it with the first girl every day, in which case you might have time constraints.

If my partner becomes upset about sleeping with other people, then that certainly threatens the relationship we have, but through my partner's response, not my actions. I'm not going to take responsibility for her views and choices, being an independent entity.

Surely if you forbid someone from sleeping with others then you're assuming that the relationship is so fragile that it will be broken? Whereas if you know that your partner is behaving normally but still with you then you know that you're wanted? Wouldn't forbidding 'cheating' just make you even more insecure, because you can't be sure about what might happen?

 

[Shadylookin]

well cheating is usually used when they are having oral/sex with another person. However that doesn't mean you can't get angry about them doing other things.

 

[LucyDuke]

Well, yes. I'll tell someone when I'm feeling like being monogamous. Until then I haven't agreed not to take my clothes off with other people, so I might.

Brighteye, we seem to be talking about different kinds of relationships. I think it's pretty much understood that there's no such thing as "cheating" if you're in that kind of explicitly nonmonogamous relationship.

 

[BCLG100]

If your partner would be signifigantly upset if (s)he knew it happened, it's cheating. It's different with every couple.

I fully agree with this statement, i think to my mind this best describes it with perhaps the addition.

'you know what your doing is just wrong'

whether it upsets the other person or not of course but if you know your cheating then you shouldnt be doing it.

 

[Masquerouge]

If your partner would be signifigantly upset if (s)he knew it happened, it's cheating. It's different with every couple.

Yeah, pretty much. If you can't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating.

 

[sourboy]

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know my perspective on cheating is not unusual (very similar to the replies here).

I dumped the &$%@#!

 

[Raisin Bran]

When you lie.

I have to agree completely on that one. Lying, hiding something or being dishonest is cheating.

No trouble with the flirting, as long as it stays flirting.

 

[LucyDuke]

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know my perspective on cheating is not unusual (very similar to the replies here).

I dumped the &$%@#!

So... what'd she do?

(If the wound is sore I won't blame you for telling me to mind my own business.)

 

[Masquerouge]

No trouble with the flirting, as long as it stays flirting.

Would you flirt with someone in front of your wife?

 

[Raisin Bran]

Would you flirt with someone in front of your wife?

I do actually, But don't get me wrong, when I say flirting I don't mean the whole way, some looking and smiling, anything else is not accepted.

 

[Masquerouge]

I do actually, But don't get me wrong, when I say flirting I don't mean the whole way, some looking and smiling, anything else is not accepted.

Okay... because I think that cheating is doing things you would not do in front of your wife. So I agree, you're not cheating

 

[thetrooper]

+ =

 

[MamboJoel]

Depends on the couple obviously. I've had relationships in which sex with others wasn't cheating and relationships much more... complicated

 

[sourboy]

So... what'd she do?

(If the wound is sore I won't blame you for telling me to mind my own business.)

She was flirting beyond subtle innuendos, it actually got to the point of sharing "dirty" pics. On a "break" we had (not break-up) she messed around with someone (sex), but professed her love when I decided to walk. I'm a fool, but felt it's always fair to give another chance, but she again fell victim to the person she is at heart (kissing/touching/explicit flirting), and so I had to respect myself and walk. Sad thing is, I'm at the point of looking for a wife, so yeah... kind of sucks to have to start over again.

 

[mrt144]

Well, yes. I'll tell someone when I'm feeling like being monogamous. Until then I haven't agreed not to take my clothes off with other people, so I might.
I don't understand why sleeping with someone multiple times and spending time with them when otherwise engaged should mean that you can't do the former or the latter with anyone else, unless you're doing it with the first girl every day, in which case you might have time constraints.

If my partner becomes upset about sleeping with other people, then that certainly threatens the relationship we have, but through my partner's response, not my actions. I'm not going to take responsibility for her views and choices, being an independent entity.

Surely if you forbid someone from sleeping with others then you're assuming that the relationship is so fragile that it will be broken? Whereas if you know that your partner is behaving normally but still with you then you know that you're wanted? Wouldn't forbidding 'cheating' just make you even more insecure, because you can't be sure about what might happen?

it depends on what you build the relationship around. If the central tenet of the relationship is monogamy (which isnt that absurd) you have agreed to that to continue the relationship under the fulfillment of that tenet. if your partner becomes upset it is because of your violation of the framework of the relationship. It's foolish for you or said partner to enter into a relationship without explicitly stating this. and why would you or said partner enter into it without that explicit statement?

If you have not agreed upon monogamy, then said partner is pissing in the wind.

To believe that your actions are independent of their effects is silly though. You dont choose to do things without considering the effects, at least I hope not. In this case you are just not caring about the effect you have.

A leads to B which causes C. B doesnt cause C randomly.

Being permissive of cheating is redundant. Its not cheating if it is permitted. You arent bound by the constraints of a monogamous relationship if you accept cheating in a relationship. its something else completely. An open relationship.

 

[NKVD]

kissing...if showing dirty pics to someone else than i just cheated my gf with Hally Berry and Jenna Jameson!