- Joined
- Oct 25, 2000
- Messages
- 12,615
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Joke I
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QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
ANDERSEN, PLATINUM OR SAP R/3 CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical
distribution strategy and implementation process.Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Anderson helped the chicken use it's skills,
methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within
a Program Management framework.
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000 (with integrated
Internet Seed Explorer), which will not only cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
have to cross the road for you to believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken DID NOT cross
the road.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was the chicken doing wandering around all over
the place anyway?"
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it
is, "Who is crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
BILL CLINTON:
Let me say this one more time. I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chicken, crossin' roads in peace.
TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out why.
WORF:
Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road!
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Joke II
-------------------------------------------------------
Feeling safe to fly the friendly skies?
Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as
squawks, recently submitted by QANTAS Pilots to maintenance engineers.
After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the
details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks. (P- The problem
logged by the pilot. S - The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Live bugs on backorder.
P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they are there for!
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
S - Suspect you're right.
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
P - Target radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P - Mouse in cockpit.
S - Cat installed.
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Joke III
-------------------------------------------------------
What did Bill Gate's wife say after wedding night?
:Now i know where the name, Microsoft comes from.
-------------------------------------------------------
Those were supposed to be jokes.
(originally posted by Cthol at Apolyton OT forum)
[This message has been edited by Thunderfall (edited November 19, 2000).]
Joke I
-------------------------------------------------------
QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
ANDERSEN, PLATINUM OR SAP R/3 CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical
distribution strategy and implementation process.Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Anderson helped the chicken use it's skills,
methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within
a Program Management framework.
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000 (with integrated
Internet Seed Explorer), which will not only cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
have to cross the road for you to believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken DID NOT cross
the road.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was the chicken doing wandering around all over
the place anyway?"
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it
is, "Who is crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
BILL CLINTON:
Let me say this one more time. I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chicken, crossin' roads in peace.
TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out why.
WORF:
Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road!
-------------------------------------------------------
Joke II
-------------------------------------------------------
Feeling safe to fly the friendly skies?
Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as
squawks, recently submitted by QANTAS Pilots to maintenance engineers.
After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the
details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks. (P- The problem
logged by the pilot. S - The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Live bugs on backorder.
P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they are there for!
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
S - Suspect you're right.
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
P - Target radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P - Mouse in cockpit.
S - Cat installed.
-------------------------------------------------------
Joke III
-------------------------------------------------------
What did Bill Gate's wife say after wedding night?
:Now i know where the name, Microsoft comes from.
-------------------------------------------------------
Those were supposed to be jokes.
(originally posted by Cthol at Apolyton OT forum)
[This message has been edited by Thunderfall (edited November 19, 2000).]
