Would you spank your child?

[Yeekim]

Your Mam being unable to control her temper, by the sounds of it.

I think some people here are equating a spanking (which I would consider basically a light slap on the arse) with a savage beating.

Indeed. Losing one's temper can hardly give any good results, no matter the circumstances.
Children are curious. Probably every child will, at one point, try to find out "what happens if I intentionally misbehave and defy my parents?". At this point, a slap or two is very much called for. Most important thing a parent must ensure is that their children have a good reason to love them. Giving them a good reason to feel respect as well is the second most important thing.
Child psychologists also say that children need well-defined and enforced limits to feel secure and cared for.

 

[RedRalph]

I note almost all the actual parents are along the same lines...

 

[Shekwan]

I'd give my kid such a going over it'd make Father O'Brien down the Christian Brothers look like Mary Poppins.

Seriously though, nothing tells a kid whats right and wrong than a slap. For some reason I don't remember my parent's well reasoned arguments as well as I do their (very infrequent) slaps.

 

[Grisu]

I note almost all the actual parents are along the same lines...

those lines being?

 

[RedRalph]

those lines being?

An ocasional light slap is OK, but only in the right circumstances and don't go overboard.

 

[Yared]

So... would you rather hit on their butt or their hand?

 

[Grisu]

An ocasional light slap is OK, but only in the right circumstances and don't go overboard.

guess I'm not among 'almost all' then

I'm not too far from that position in such that I believe that spanking the way you described it here isn't harmful. I just believe it's not beneficiary either, so I'll refrain.

 

[Mark1031]

Here is the crux of the issue as I see it.

Kids dont come with operators manuals, and it wouldnt do you any good if they did for the sole reason they are all different, and being different, different methods of parenting are going to vary greatly depending on the kid and the parents involved.

Spanking is simply one parenting tool of many, and its certainly not a 'single solution' to every problem a parent faces in raising kids. And it can be used correctly or incorrectly, just like any of the other parenting tools can be. It may be effective or not effective at all depending on the childs attitude as well.

You may have a kid that doesnt care if they get put into time out - in fact, I have seen kids that enjoy it. You may have kids that just look at you funny if you try to talk with them in a stern voice. Or you may have kids that get overly traumatized if you give them harsh looks and stern language.

Point being, parental correction can be abusive if done incorrectly or too harshly. Constantly yelling at your kid or punishing them in an unfair manner is going to hurt them just as much as spanking them unfairly will, and kids will simply resent you for it. Spanking, done correctly (i.e. not with abuse) is indeed an effective parenting tool and shouldnt simply be discounted out of hand just because someone considers it barbaric. It can be barbaric if it gets out of hand, but so can any form of abuse.

How can you be so smart on this and yet....

I will add to this-do not buy any book about parenting because none of them acknowledge the basic truth that Mobby has pointed out. Kids differ. My 3 kids were all different and need to be parented somewhat differently. Some need kicks in the butt, some need gentle encouragement. You really have to use your gut and follow your emotions, empathize with your kid, recognize that they have different abilities, emotional maturity, anxieties and develop at different rates. Also they can be selfish and manipulative and your job is to set them on a path to healthy and happy independence. There is no way to write a book on this. This is what experienced parents recognize so if a gentle swat at a certain age works for a certain kid go with it, there are infinitely worse things you can do as a parent that involve no physical contact at all.

 

[MobBoss]

How can you be so smart on this and yet....

What do you mean? I am equally as brilliant on other topics as well. You just have yet to achieve my level of wisdom in those other areas...

I will add to this-do not buy any book about parenting because none of them acknowledge the basic truth that Mobby has pointed out. Kids differ. My 3 kids were all different and need to be parented somewhat differently. Some need kicks in the butt, some need gentle encouragement. You really have to use your gut and follow your emotions, empathize with your kid, recognize that they have different abilities, emotional maturity, anxieties and develop at different rates. Also they can be selfish and manipulative and your job is to set them on a path to healthy and happy independence. There is no way to write a book on this. This is what experienced parents recognize so if a gentle swat at a certain age works for a certain kid go with it, there are infinitely worse things you can do as a parent that involve no physical contact at all.

Well said. And fwiw, in my opinion, you really have to have 3 kids or so in order to be able to see some of this. Its easy to make the mistake of having just one kid, and thinking that what works for that one is going to work for them all....its not.

Not that I would recommend having 3 kids just to have the experience...hehe. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably go with just one since its both cheaper than having 3 and also its easier to spend time with just one and less stress overall (no kids fighting with each other over nit-nak crap).

 

[JollyRoger]

(no kids fighting with each other over nit-nak crap).

All that shrugging and must drive one at times.