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[#1 Person]

“Hey” Cowmander Latter yelled to Supreme Commander of the Highland Fleet Jane, recently back from a different dimension,

“Hey, I am still playing catch up. What does this button due?” she says, pointing at a comically large read button.

“Don't pre...” Later began, but Jane already pressed it. “Oh god... You doomed us all!”

Everyone in the command center looked terrified, except Jane, who was like “what?”.

Soon the ship began to shake, rhythmically, clearly bass like and “Hips don't Lie” turned on extremely loudly. Jane was clearly liking it, bobbing her head mouthing the lyrics, imitating head banging. This continued for quite some time, until someone pressed the red button was pressed again.

“You fool! Now they know they are here!” someone said, “GOD, you ass!”

“Hey...” Jane began, “... stop it...”

“Yeah, he's right, you are an ass.” Later explained, “That was a hypersonic signal, that will travel throughout the universe. Everyone will know were we are.”

Suddenly a loud thud was herd. An impact with the ships hull.

“BRAIN THURSTY ZOMBIES!!” Later exclaimed

 

[JosefStalinator]

To Mewtonia
From the Obesian Empire

We hear that the traitor "Orostein" from our lands, the guinea pig as you call him, is taking refuge within your territory. We demand his immediate extradition for charges of treason against his home planet of Old Obesia.

 

[Daftpanzer]

Cool stories

From Killbots
To Metal Heads
Œ‰‡ Œ‰‡ Œ‰‡ Ž?
Message ends

 

[Nylan]

From Metal Heads
To Killbots

Yes, that's right, free scrap metal

and all the hard drives you can get your hands on...

...just don't touch the guitar stuff

 

[Daftpanzer]

From Killbots
To Metal Heads
‰Ž?
Message ends

 

[Nylan]

From Metal Heads
To Killbots

Fine, you can cannibalize some animals and stuff and no, you don't have to pay rent

anything else?

 

[The Farow]

Water Star

Near the Loach home planet great things were taking place which would ensure Loach survival across the galaxy.

Loaches simply put were not meant to survive on land for long periods of time. Their bodies were not designed for it. Even the best Loach technology could not overcome the same protection as vast seas of water.

So the loaches created the Water Star. It is essentially a giant water balloon except with a bunch of hyper technical junk on it to properly deliver water. The balloon is capapble of being filled up and deflated allowing for attacks on whatever planet. The only flaw is it is hard to defend. The slightest bomb could cause the balloon to pop causing it to rain for a long time on nearby planets.

The Loaches have moved an exploration to the unexplored region 2 to begin tests with this new weapon and source of power.

The Loach fleets set out to begin exploration… and to do some more fancy military maneuvers.

OCC: Essentially my orders

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Note for Daftpanzer: The vessel the fight is happening is named the 'Glacier'. Icetitan is a ship class (the very first of its type was named 'Icetitan' but it is still in the original ZPNES.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Grist grunted as he punched out another guard on the ship.

"Good grief, a bit of the stormtrooper effect they've got going here eh?"

"Eh?" asked Tekk, grabbing an approaching guard by the head and flinging him across the hall.

"It's a more sophisticated term than 'huh'. Plus the fact that my scriptwriter seems to be Canadian."

"Ah."

"Mmm hmm."

The two penguins continued to run along the length of the ship. Gris leapt a double flip around a corner, landing squarely on a racing guard.

"Sorry there." he commented the the moaning figure on the ground, "I'm not into using lethal force on my fellow penguins."

"Excellent."

"Did you just say that Tekk?"

"No, that's not my font. That voice would be the ship computer which has just engaged its defenses against us. It seems to use Garamond."

The hallway filled up with a matrix of cutting lasers.

"How stereotypical. Pity too. That was the final hallway."

"There's a crawlable air duct over here. Hand me a screwdriver."

*****

"And this, Admiral Trik, is where I kill you- no, that's too brute. Something witty and subtle is needed..."

"Oh good grief Hakk." exclaimed an exasperated Trik (still tied up to a spinner on the wall), "I'm going to be dead, so no one else will witness your final words to me."

"You're right. Let me set up the camera."

Trik rolled his eyes.

"I felt that thought."

"I'm aware of your psychic nature Hakk... it's why I stuffed you in that hole in the janitor's closet with a lead helmet on your head a while back."

Hakk adjusted the camera slightly.

"Ah! Perfect. Anyway, back to killing you- say, should I do some sort of evil monologue? It seems fitting, though I'm kind of new to the whole 'evil' thing."

"Well... it would buy me time to make an escape, and you seem to have developed a case of 'cinematic villain disorder' so I guess you might as well."

"Allright... ahem. It is now, Trik, my old nemesis and jailor, that I have gained the upper hand. Our story goes back many a month now, back on that day when..."

*****

Gris and Tekk emerged from the far end of the vent gagging.

"You idiot Gris. That's as much an air duct as a sewer is a healthy water supply. I'm not sure if that was exhaust, septic or the laundry chute."

"You should hardly complain, you're half machine. Can't you just turn off your olfactory system?"

"Oh, hi guys." interrupted a figure at the front of the ship.

"Pikt! Where's Trik?"

"I'm afraid I can't say. Hakk apparently put some sort of mental suppression field on my brain."

"How many years ago did he do that?"

"That's very cruel of you Gris. About half an hour ago."

"A lot of use that is."

"Well, there is a way I could help. Ooklay inway ethay imarypray eaponsway eckday."

"Hakk doesn't know pig latin?"

"Apparently nooooooaaaaAAAGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Pikt fell to the floor twitching, his tongue lolling out. Some smoke came out of his mouth.

"Ooh..." breathed Gris, an odd look on his face.

"He should be fine. Might be a little brain fried, but not much worse than he was already."

"He's not an idiot, just a paranoid schizophrenic. And rightfully so. He has an evil clone."

"Those things do cause trouble. Anyway, quick! To the eaponsway eckday!"

 

[Tyrion]

The plan was working, Grrgheegh could feel the giant worm eating those his flesh. In a matter of seconds its wormy (a word the zombies had invented) head cracked through Grrgheegh's gut. Grrgheegh stared at what appeard to be the end of a really, really big worm, and then he grabbed it. He savagely pulled it right through him and slammed it onto the sand. Grrgheegh's partner Grrghaarg held down one end while Grrgheegh held down the other, for as we know all worms have two heads, and thus two brains.

"Worm... Brains..." Grrgheegh commented wisely. Grrghaarg nodded thoguhtfully.

They then tore open the worm with their bony hands, in a brutal display of Zombie's physical strength.

Extracting the brain Grrgheegh opened up his skull and plonked it in. He suppresed a sudden urge to eat dirt and started shambling back to the ships.

 

[Abaddon]

To the Obesian Empire
From Mewtonia

Do you have any milk?

 

[Daftpanzer]

Awesome stories

@Lord_Iggy, I will fix that ships name on the map.

 

[Nylan]

Guitar Magazine: Space Edition (edited by some slacker guy)

Gibson announces a massive construction project of a whole bunch of new interstellar guitar-ship thingies for use by the collective peeps of Whatever… . This new fleet will be totally righteous and shall henceforth be known as The Warped Tour. Ship designs are expected to include the Gibson SG, Les Paul Custom, and Firebird. It’s pretty awesome man, so like go check it out and stuff.

Ibanez has countered with the construction of a new huge base guitar ship thing called the RX209834u827308upk345234/43B23432_.5 Special. It’s a carrier for a bunch of little guitar pick fighter thingies that will totally rock your sox.

Meanwhile about three people showed up to the My Chemical Romance concert, two of which were band member’s mothers. The next show is RoboQueen, a cover band featuring the best royalty has to offer. Tickets on sale now.

 

[LittleBoots]

FROM: The Supreme Race, the Psychic Wonders, the Majestic Squirrels
TO: Starving Nuns

Look, just relocate, and we'll leave you alone. We called dibs on that planet and we both know that.

 

[Abaddon]

Us
To Universe

Mew...

 

[Nylan]

Metal Heads
to "Us"

Ahem.....

to the tune of that one cat food commercial
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meowww.....

Don't make us bust out the Rap Cat

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Meow-ma-me-izzow, Ma-ow-ow, Reaarear!

 

[Nylan]

BEHOLD:

The scourge of our rap hating nation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaetzJ3dklU

sorry for the endorsement, couldn't find one without it

 

[Lord_Iggy]

I mean:

GAAH!!!

 

[Abaddon]

Mewtonia
To Universe

Got Milk?