007 jokes...

[GenghisK]

Ok, my first James Bond joke ever. No I didn't mean you good_bye_007

007 in a secret mission, in a bar, with a charming blonde spy girl:
_ Ya know what sweetie? Look at my special 007 watch. It's a special watch, it can tell me everything.
_ Pfff, Bond...
_ Na, it's true. Look. My watch tells me you don't have panties. Do you?
_ YES I HAVE!!! Pfff. You pig.
_ Oh I think my watch has 1 hour advance...

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[drake]

Thats a good one!

007 was always one smooth mutha****a wasnt he?

Speaking of, since I doubt we'll get many james bond jokes, which bond was your favorite?

Connery has got to be my choice

 

[GenghisK]

Me too

Probably because he was the first 007 ever...

Glad to see you enjoyed it.

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

How many of you guys can name the 6 actors than have played James Bond, 007, in major motion pictues. Many have trouble naming the third actor, and almost no one gets the 2nd one.

 

[GenghisK]

Sean Connery
Roger Moore

for the 2 oldest and most famous

Then:
Timothy Dalton
Pierce Brosnan
George Lazenby (something like that...)

And I think that's all. I though there were only 5 actors.

 

[starlifter]

I am sure a British actor named David Nivin (or Niven?) played Bond in a terrible late 60's film called Casino Royale. I'm sure it was a Bond movie, and remember seeing a short part of it once a long time ago. It was so bad that I didn't make it thru 5 minutes, though.

However, I looked on 2 James Bond websites and did not see it listed as one of the bond films:
http://dbwooly.tripod.com/cgi-bin/index.htm
http://www.rdhobby.com/bond/index.htm

 

[starlifter]

PS, Favorite Bonds:

1. Connery
2. Brosnan
3. Moore
4. Dalton
5. Lazenby (never saw all of his movie)
6. Nivin (never saw all of his movie)

 

[xeven_god_of_helsibahr]

Yeah, Sean Connery was a good Bond. He tought us the valuable lesson: You Only Live Twice.

 

[GenghisK]

Did you also remember that Connery and Moore did play in several common adaptations?
Example: Operation thunderstorm (it's the french title though) with Bond fighting Largo. There were a version with Moore and another with Connery. There are some others books who were also adapted twice. Don't remember which ones, though.

 

[starlifter]

posted July 14, 2001 04:07 PM
How many of you guys can name the 6 actors than have played James Bond, 007, in major motion pictues. Many have trouble naming the third actor, and almost no one gets the 2nd one.

I just re-visited this thread today, and now I know what your wording means. At the time, I thought it was odd the way you said "3rd" and "2nd".

So my answer (in the context you were speaking) is:

1. Sean Connery (Best Bond overall, so far)
2. David Nivin (maybe Niven; a skinny British dude, dead now)
3. George Lazenby (Australian model)
4. Roger Moore (Quirky, but humorous)
5. Timothy Dalton (A dark, shadowy portrayal... no humor)
6. Pierce Brosnan (Potential to become the "best" Bond one day)

 

[starlifter]

OK, now for a Bond joke:

On his first trip to Japan, Bond wanted some "action" on his first night in town, before playing golf the next morning with the Japanese Prime Minister and some dignitaries. Later that evening when he had the most beautiful Geisha girl in Tokyo charmed into his bed, she started softly moaning "Yaki-San Yaki-San" in her dainty voice as he was pounding away. The manly Bond, being the intelligent agent he is, realized he learned a new Japanese word, "Yaki-San" which was an expression of joy and elation.

The next morning, on the 8th tee, his golfing partner, the Japanese Prime Minister, hit a beautiful shot on the 161-yard par 3... the ball hit the front of the green, and rolled into the cup. Everyone began offering congratulations and celebrating, and the Japanese PM started jumping up and down, and began yelling "Bonsai, Bonsai!"

Mr. Bond, ever eager to impress an international audience, realized he had an opportunity to show his command of cultural skills, and slapped his partner on the back and with a big smile, told the PM "Yaki-San, Yaki-San!"

All the Japanese suddenly became silent and looked at Mr. Bond. The PM stopped jumping up and down, then in broken English said, "What you mean, 'Wrong Hole, Wrong Hole?'"

EDIT: Spelling errors.


[This message has been edited by starlifter (edited July 15, 2001).]

 

[duke o' york]

David Niven (with an E - might have improved his acting

) wasn't a very good Bond, but it was meant to be a pi**take anyway.
I reckon that despite the fact he wasn't really an actor, Lazenby was a great Bond. This is probably less to do with his acting talent and more to do with the fact that the film was actually well-written, without the usual opportunities for Connery to look handsome staring into the sunset or for Moore to do those atrocious one-liners. You Only Live Twice is still the best though. Brosnan had better start realising his potential to be the best Bond soon because he's only supposed to have two films left.
"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to look pretty, use gadgets and sleep with beautiful women."
Desmond Llewellyn (is that how it's spelt) was a sad loss though.

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in vino veritas

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

Lost track of this one when I was out of town last month. Lazenby and Dalton invoke the book 007 best.
That Casino Royale movie was a hoot, with Niven as an old retired Bond, Peter sellars as an esrtwhile replacement, and Woody Allen as Bond Jr. Vey few indeed rember niven as a Bond.