18 Civs; the Mongol Version

400AD

A lady with ginger hair is in Mongolia

LADY: Khan, greetings. My name is Elizabeth of the English Empire.
GENGHIS: Greetings, my lady. So, do you want anything?
ELIZABETH: Erm, yes, I thought I might enlist your services. How much?
GENGHIS: What?
ELIZABETH: I said, I’m willing to enlist you. How much do you want?
GENGHIS: I still don’t understand. I don’t sell myself to anyone.
ELIZABETH: What kind of mercenary are you? Jeez.
GENGHIS: Mercenary? I am no mercenary; I am the ruler of this great Empire of Mongolia!
ELIZABETH: You are kidding me! So this dump pretends to be a contender? No way! I just thought I could do with a few more troops is all. I saw this small cluster of huts and thought, might do.
GENGHIS: Right, got you now. That’s just intimidation techniques really.
ELIZABETH: Keep telling yourself that, Genghis. Bye.

The English queen’s visit was closely followed by another queen’s.
 
425AD

QUEEN: Pah! Another day, another barbarian and heathen tribe appears out of the drab mists of the East. Frankly, Genghis, god even the name makes me heave, your people have no place in this world, and if you had any respect, you’d destroy your empire and commit suicide within the hour.
GENGHIS: Uh-huh. Nice necklace. Mind if I take a closer look?
ISABELLA: Ugh, Neanderthal. And yes I do, that jewel is worth at least ten times your empire. Don’t touch things your empire can’t afford.
GENGHIS: Check. I guess the crown is out of the question then. And the earrings.
ISABELLA: Fortunately, yes. Oh, I can’t stay a minute longer. I’m off.

Isabella hurries out.

GENGHIS: Have to say, I preferred Elizabeth.

=====================================================================

The man looked up wearily from his work. “Come in”, he called.
Ialbuk pushed open the heavy oak door and entered the office of Tsubodai Tsanda, the aged governor of Zapotec. He was here with the intention of joining the next band of men sent out to escort the caravan from India. Since he didn’t even have the faintest idea what might be happening to the caravans, he felt his only choice was to experience first hand the occurrence. Insanely risky, but Ialbuk was one to take such risks.
The governor stood up to shake his hand. “What can I do for you?” he asked in a voice betraying his lack of interest.
“I was told you were the one to talk to about this” Ialbuk began, as the governor sat back down. He was aware he had not been offered a seat. “I wish to volunteer for the next protection band, escorting the trade caravan from India”.
The governor looked sceptical. “What for?” he asked. “You are aware that the last four bands of soldiers sent to escort that damned caravan never made it back? Soldiers go because they are ordered. You, on the other hand, are the first civilian to ever offer to go.”
“I need the money”. Ialbuk had prepared his story well. The more specifics, the more believable it would sound. “My mother recently passed away, and …”
“I’m sorry to hear that” interrupted the governor, who had returned to writing his report.
Ialbuk shrugged nonchalantly. “’Twas the drink that killed her. Not even into her sixth decade. Anyway, now she’s dead, my uncle, who hates me, kicked me out the house. This is in Osaka, mind. Anyway, I have nothing to lose from this. I’ll do it for quarter-pay, just in case you were in two minds.”
“Hmm” said the governor. “Well I’ve certainly never seen you round here before. What did you say your name was?”
“Kublai, my liege.”
The governor stopped writing, and put down his quill.”I do know you actually” he snarled. “My agents report that a man by that name, and fitting your description, was in a freehouse over by the docks, asking about bandits in the area. It seems you fancy pulling your first stunt on this caravan. So that’s your real game, is it? Now I don’t know precisely what your plan would be, but I have no intention of letting you realise it. Get out, before I call for my guards”.
Damn, thought Ialbuk. His plan was falling to pieces before his eyes. It was vital that he should be with the caravan when whatever was going on happened. But unless he acted fast, there was no chance of that. So what to do?

To be continued …
 
Just found out I won't be in most of tomorrow so posting this now. Another update in another 3 weeks (22days from now, whatever date that Sunday is), but after that I should be able to update a little quicker:D Thanks for reading!
 
Good segment, tho a bit warless. Expecting new update at 7th of February (or at least that is my calculation)
Spoiler :
Ialbuk--> Kublai? How the.... Oh yes just spell him reversed and voila!
 
I'm guessing BIG WAR!
 
pacifist can you add a world wide nuclear war? i would love to see the world burn!
 
A world war with PACIFIST? It seems a bit hilarious…
 
VII - On Greetings, Great Scientists and Gearing Up For War​

Part II​

Only one thing to do really.
Ialbuk made a snap decision. The governor was unlikely to be involved.
He pulled out his imperial identity card and threw it onto the desk, leaning over the governor.
“Do not call your guards” Ialbuk hissed. “My name is Ialbuk Azzabolanai, and I am an imperial agent sent to investigate this farce with the caravan”.
The governor, his face pale, examined the card, and looked up in shock at Ialbuk. “This looks genuine”, he stuttered.
“Of course its genuine” Ialbuk retorted. “Now, you put me in the band of men to go with the caravan, or the imperial court will be seriously unimpressed. After all, there are many there that already think you should have done more to sort out this business, and denying me, why, their suspicions may be aroused …”
“That’s unfair” said the governor angrily. He had recovered from his initial shock. “My resources are limited and my primary duty is to defend this town”.
“Well, it’s your choice. I’m sure the Khan will understand.”
“Bollocks will he! You may go”. The governor paused. “Does anyone else know your true identity?”
“If they do, I am unaware of it”.
“Good. Trust no-one.” The governor sighed. “I feel like I’m surrounded by enemies down here. There must be spies on my staff.”
“Well, step up your efforts to find them. Meanwhile, add my name to the roll. Anyone that looks should think I am just another soldier going out to the caravan. And I’ll need some equipment.”
“You can get some from my garrison commander. He’s a good man, and probably to be trusted, but I’ll tell him you’re a soldier from Beshbalik, sent to help out”.
“As long as he knows not to ask questions. I’ll see him in the morning. Now I must be going”. Ialbuk needed a good night’s sleep.
“Farewell” said the governor, as Ialbuk pushed open the oak door and strode off.
 
450AD

The Indian king is welcomed in Karakorum

ASOKA: Khan, friend and ally, greetings from India.
GENGHIS: Wow, thanks, I’ll treasure them. What can I do for you?
ASOKA: It’s not what you can do for me, rather, what can I do for you?
GENGHIS: Not a fat lot, I reckon. Although some free stuff would be cool.
ASOKA: Scrounger. Nah, well I have the secret mystical tech that goes by the name of Calendar, and also a vast sum of 10 gold up for sale.
GENGHIS: Ok, I bid … 5 Gold?
ASOKA: Hmm … no, for some reason that doesn’t seem enough to meet my reserve price.
GENGHIS: What the hell is your reserve price?
ASOKA: I can’t tell you, but here’s a hint: I sure like constructing stuff. I find it very constructive. In fact, construction is worth paying for.
GENGHIS: God, a cryptic clue. Where’s Ialbuk when you need him?
KOLAI: Ooh, I know sire, he’s …
GENGHIS: (hisses) I know, you imbecile. Don’t let Asoka know, he’d have a field day over our bandit problems.
ASOKA: What was that?
GENGHIS: Oh, erm, nothing. Well your clue is intriguing, but I think I cracked it.
ASOKA: How brilliant of you.
GENGHIS: You obviously wanted 10 gold for your tech and 10 gold. So, deal?
ASOKA: No way, you dolt!
GENGHIS: Well I ain’t paying any more. I’m not stupid. I’ve won the Mongols’ general knowledge quiz 5 years in a row now.
GRIZNAKH: Yeah, well that’s because you were asking the questions, and so had the answers as well. And most of the questions were stupid, like “What am I thinking of now?”
GENGHIS: Well I don’t see your point, Griznakh. After all, I was the only one who knew the answer, wasn’t I? So that must make me the cleverest.
GRIZNAKH: Ok, so what am I thinking of right now? I know, so you should.
GENGHIS: That’s so easy. Food.
GRIZNAKH: Ha! Not specific enough! You lose!
ASOKA: You lot are so funny, and it’s all because you’re genuine idiots! I’m off!

Asoka exits the council yurt

GENGHIS: Well, at least we’re not fake idiots, so there! Stupid Asoka.
GRIZNAKH: And also, in the Mongol general knowledge quiz, only the Mongol generals are allowed to enter. So that’s you, Kolai, and that simpleton William!
GENGHIS: Tough competition that is, Griznakh!
KOLAI: Too right it is!

Cyrus enters

CYRUS: Actually, for barbarian scum, you lot are quite intelligent.
GENGHIS: Exactly! Thank you!

Cyrus laughs

CYRUS: And you’re amusing. Yes, I think I shall let you live a little longer. Now, let’s do business!
GENGHIS: Sweet. I’d offer you a drink, but we’re fresh out.
CYRUS: Incidentally, I have a surplus of wine in my country, and we’d be happy to supply you with some … for a price.
GENGHIS: Now hold on. What makes you think we want to trade for crappy Persian wine? It’s probably not even wine, it's probably, erm, I don’t know, fermented grape juice or something.
ISHAK: Hang on blud, ain’t fermentatated grape juice, like, ain’t that wine?
GENGHIS: Yeah, so?
ISHAK: Erm … damn, it’s gone. Nah, must’ve been, like, an illusion like.
GENGHIS: Ishak, in future, write down what you want to say before you say it, please?
ISHAK: But I can’t write!
GENGHIS: Yeah, I know.
CYRUS: Going back to your original question, the reason you want to trade for wine is because you’re barbarians who are more often drunk than sober.
GENGHIS: Ah. So I do want wine then?
CYRUS: You do.
GENGHIS: Alright then, so what do you want?
CYRUS: In return, Persia would like a supply of pig.
GRIZNAKH: This is ok with me sire. We have plenty of pigs.
GENGHIS: Alright then, Cyrus, you gotcha self a deal.
CYRUS: Finally! One has to be patient with you Mongols, you know.
GENGHIS: Dude, you don’t have to look at yourself. Your face is like the north end of a pig going south.

The trade opened up yet more possibilities for the Mongols, and an increase in drunken brawls was happily noted by the Khan. In fact, it was surprising when, a few years later, someone intelligent was born into the Mongol empire …
 
520AD

The great scientist Hypatia came from the city of Kyoto in the province of Napaj (after Ialbuk became a spy, Genghis had become fond of reversing the names of his provinces). He had made many amazing discoveries, and now wanted to cement his legacy by creating a lasting scientific influence in his city. The council convened to discuss how this could be arranged.

GENGHIS: I say, let the guy do what he wants.
KOLAI: Fair enough.
GRIZNAKH: Well that is simply not good enough. I think it would be universally appreciated if you put some effort into this decision.
GENGHIS: But he’s pretty smart, by all accounts.
ISHAK: That’s like some understatement dude.
GENGHIS: Well that just proves my point.
GRIZNAKH: But surely, if we built him a scientific academy, a really grand and inspiring one, it would inspire centuries of scientific inspiration from that city. We could be known across the world for this centre of scientific and cultural excellence! And that isn’t something the guy can do without state support.
GENGHIS: Hmm. You may be right. Get the citizens over there to build him a big yurt.
GRIZNAKH: A yurt isn’t good enough!
GENGHIS: What if it was a really nice one, you know, with embedded bronze sculptures? Not as nice as mine of course, but still …
GRIZNAKH: Genghis, you’re missing the point. This building has to stand out!
GENGHIS: Ok, so … a brightly coloured yurt!
GRIZNAKH: No! This building is going to be built out of stone!
GENGHIS: A stone yurt? That’s a stupid idea!
GRIZNAKH: For goodness sake, forget yurts! This will be a huge stone shrine to science!
GENGHIS: Well I can’t see it working, but alright. You handle this one, I’m too hung over today.
GRIZNAKH: Thank you sire! I’ll get our best architects on it at once.

Thanks to Genghis’ excessive drinking habits, the scientific academy was passed by the council and became a reality in Kyoto, providing excellent facilities for the scientists in the city. Was it a coincidence that the next few years saw two new techs obtained?
 

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540AD

GENGHIS: Well, Cathers, we finished researching Calendar this morning. Brilliant or what?
CATHERINE: If I vas to sink to your level of bad jokes, I’d say vat.
GENGHIS: You won’t be wanting it for free then.
CATHERINE: Yes I vill!
GENGHIS: Ah, you will! Erm, in that case I think India might give it you, if you laid on the charm.
CATHERINE: Nope, I tried. Anyvay, I’m here to trade.
GENGHIS: The anticipation! Show me the goods.
CATHERINE: I present Code of Laws.
GENGHIS: Hmm … code bit sounds cool, but I’m not sure I like the laws bit. I like my empires nice and lawless.
CATHERINE: Erm, vell that’s alright! Code of Laws means that your legal system becomes like an indecipherable code, where decent lawyers can get you off any charge by quoting imaginary subsections which no-one can prove don’t exist.
GENGHIS: Aha! Sounds alright then! What do you want?
CATHERINE: Your technology pertaining to construction would be sufficient.
GENGHIS: What? No way Jose! Can I call you Jose?
CATHERINE: I knew it. I didn’t think I could pull the wool over your eyes Genghis. You’re much too smart.
GENGHIS: You’d better believe it, honey.
CATHERINE: And so, you win. I concede, I will add 3 gold to the trade.
GENGHIS: Never learn, do you Cathers? I always win. Yeah, the trade’s fair now, I’ll take it.
CATHERINE: Thank you Genghis. Always nice to see you.

Catherine exits the yurt, laughing.

GENGHIS: Hope you guys saw the way I skilfully negotiated a profit there.
KOLAI: Bloody brilliant, sire.
GRIZNAKH: Yes, sire, you sure held your ground, and didn’t dance to her tune all the way through.
GENGHIS: I hope you guys will learn something eventually.

The flurry of techs was followed by a period of steady but unremarkable progress
 
620AD

Hatshepsut is in Mongolia

HATSHEPSUT: Hi again, nice Mongol!
GENGHIS: Nice? Did you say NICE?
GRIZNAKH: My dear, you have just inadvertently insulted the Khan.
GENGHIS: The Khan ain’t nice, he’s mean. Now watch me be mean. You’re ugly!
HATSHEPSUT: Mwaaah! I hate you!
GENGHIS: That’s more like it. Now what did you want?
HATSHEPSUT: It would be nice if … I mean, mean if we could have Open Borders?
GENGHIS: Yeah! Mean! I accept!
HATSHEPSUT: Erm … that was mean! Good call.

Hatshepsut scurries off, passing Catherine on her way into the yurt

CATHERINE: Vy ‘ave you summoned me ‘ere Gengheese?
GENGHIS: To inform you about a change. Yeah, dat’s right, it’s time for change! Evr’body says dat I’m deranged! But that’s just because I like change!
Change! Change!

Genghis starts dancing around

CATHERINE: I haven’t got any spare change, so if that’s all …
GENGHIS: The change is, I’m cancelling our fur for rice deal!
CATHERINE: Bastard! Vy?
GENGHIS: Because I finally improved the fur tile up in New Sarai!
CATHERINE: Damn! I hoped you wouldn’t bother!
GENGHIS: I’m an energetic guy, I bother with loads of stuff! Yeah! Yeah! Yeaaa…oww!

Genghis bangs his head on an iron bracket

CATHERINE: Haha! Vell I’m off back to Russia. The stench in here is almost overpowering.
GENGHIS: Overpoweringly good, you mean.
CATHERINE: No, overpoweringly Genghis-like.

=====================================================================

At last, at midday, the caravan stopped for a rest under the boiling sun.
The procession had stopped in the middle of a clear patch in the jungle, and there was also a small lake to the north. Whilst the Indians released their horses, checked their animals and the carts, the Mongol soldiers made for a clump of trees providing a outpost of shade, unseen by the barren, exhausting rays of the high sun. Ialbuk decided to go down to the lake. He might cool himself off that way, he thought.
“Come on, Kublai, mate.” a short but well-built soldier called, turning his head as he jogged alongside the Mongol agent. Ialbuk looked up to see one of his new comrades gesturing towards the trees.
“Thanks, Pak, but I’m gonna go check out the lake. That is, if it ain’t another bloody mirage”.
The soldier grinned. “Suit yourself” he called, before jogging after the others.
Ialbuk meandered over to the small lake, thinking about the heat, but also about his mission. It had been three days since the soldiers had joined up with the Indians and their caravan, and so far, he had not even glimpsed anything to suppose they were being watched. Ialbuk had been watching, listening, waiting for a sign, the rustle of a bush, the crack of a stick underfoot, but so far, nothing. If someone or something was indeed spying on the party, they were doing so with no small amount of skill, he conceded.
Ialbuk reached the lake. Its cool waters beckoned him closer. He took off his sandal and dipped his toes in the water, creating ripples which fascinated Ialbuk’s inquisitive mind. Now was not the time for scientific study, though. He gazed at his reflection in the clear lake, marvelling as he always did at the sharpness of the image. From the slow swaying of the trees in the wind to the small birds in the branches, every little detail of him and the scene behind him was visible.
Perhaps not the most inconsiderable detail of the scene was the five Indians, machetes drawn, that were creeping up behind him.
A cold flood of fear flashed throughout Ialbuk’s body. In an instant he had gone from clueless about the caravan fiasco to completely aware that those Indians were not going to take prisoners. The Indians themselves were still creeping cautiously towards him, unaware that he was watching them, terrified, in the reflection of the calm and unperturbed water.
Think, you bastard, thought Ialbuk. With another sudden jolt he realised that the horses were only a hundred and fifty paces along the shore of the lake, drinking and refreshing themselves. The Indians were perhaps only forty paces directly behind him now. Ialbuk quickly calculated the angles. He could make it.
He swiftly turned and threw a stone in the opposite direction from the horses. The Indians were surprised and instinctively froze and glanced at the rapid movement. Ialbuk then fled towards the horses.
The Indians were distracted for only a couple of seconds, and then, with a shout, starting sprinting to cut him off. Ialbuk himself was sprinting for his life. However, the training of the Indian warriors began to show as they gradually began to gain on Ialbuk, who was no natural born sprinter. The distance down to twenty-five paces and only half-way to the horses, Ialbuk knew it was going to be a close one.
He reached the horses with five seconds to spare and threw himself onto the closest one. It immediately bucked and neighed, almost throwing him off into the lake. Ialbuk spurred deep and urged it to run. The horse obeyed and started to accelerate, but the Indians had arrived and were hacking at its rear. A gash appeared in the horse’s back, and it now strived to outpace the Indians.
One of the Indians was now alongside Ialbuk as the horse desperately tried to pick up the pace. The Indian made to thrust his machete into Ialbuk’s leg. Ialbuk kicked at the turbaned warrior, and, to his great surprise, the Indian went tumbling down. Then the horse finally reached a gallop and, at last reaching full speed, whisked Ialbuk away from the danger. He had been fortunate that the Indians had lost their cool and not thought to pursue him on horseback. As the horse pulled away and the Indians, realising their pursuit was futile, slowed down, Ialbuk turned to look over at the clump of trees where the soldiers had been. He could see many dead bodies, and a small knot of soldiers backed against the trees, surrounded by a mass of Indians. They would not last long.
Ialbuk’s face contorted at the treachery of the Indians. This would lead to war, he realised, and the peace of the East would once again be shattered, and echo with the clash of the sword and the cries of the innocent.
But enough damn poetry. It was a bloody long ride to Karakorum.
 
640AD

At long last Ialbuk reached the gates of the city he had been absent from for so long. Though his horse was almost dead beneath him, he forced it to ride into the city and up to the council yurt. As Ialbuk finally approached the yurt, the horse’s legs buckled, and sent Ialbuk tumbling. He fell through the yurt entrance and crashed into an iron brazier. The advisors and Genghis, who are having a meeting, are startled.

GENGHIS: Who the hell is that?
KOLAI: No idea sire! I’ll chuck him out.
IALBUK: Wait? It’s me … Ialbuk.
GENGHIS: Ialbuk? You’ve returned?
IALBUK: I have.

With an enormous effort, Ialbuk picks himself up, and wipes the dust out of his hair.

GRIZNAKH: My dear fellow! You look rather … dishevelled.
GENGHIS: He’s fine. Right, so what did you find out?
IALBUK: The Indians. They ambushed us and massacred us.
GENGHIS: Those treacherous … but how did you get away?
IALBUK: I’m not sure myself sire, it was a bloody close thing.
GRIZNAKH: The greedy pigs must be reneging on their trade deal to gain extra food! And you thought I was greedy, Genghis!
GENGHIS: (grimly) One thing’s for sure. THIS MEANS WAR!

Genghis and his retinue make full speed for Zapotec, where the governor receives them

GENGHIS: Governor, ready the troops. We are going to war with India!
TSUBODAI: Really? Of course my lord … wait, how the bloody hell are you still alive!

The governor points at Ialbuk

IALBUK: To be honest, through pure luck. Did any of the men make it back alive?
TSUBODAI: As previously, I have neither seen nor heard from them.
GENGHIS: Yeah, cos the Indians killed them, that’s why we’re going to kill them back.
TSUBODAI: The Indians killed them? Bastards!
GENGHIS: Look, I’m getting impatient. Will you get the men ready for war in an hour … NOW!

Within forty minutes, the Mongol army is assembled and ready to move.

GENGHIS: Right. TO VARANASI!

The scream of the khan is drowned in the roar of the army and the rhythmic clashing of sword on shield. After the army has moved off, a furious Asoka arrives in Zapotec.

ASOKA: Genghis you fool! What are you doing?
GENGHIS: Get out of my sight. I know you’ve been cheating on our trade deal, massacring my men, well that, miladdio, is an act of war! And war you shall have!
ASOKA: I … I ….
GENGHIS: Shut up and go home. Best enjoy it whilst you still can.

The Indian king exits and heads back to India

IALBUK: Miladdio?
GENGHIS: Yeah, well, it was the heat of the moment. It served its purpose, didn’t it?
IALBUK: Right. So anyway, you’d best fill me in on what’s been going on around here since I left. To start with, how did you like my new catapults?

With the Mongol army rapidly descending upon the Indian frontier town of Varanasi, war had returned to Mongolia. Genghis was once again invigorated by the prospect, and looked forward to the coming campaign. Would it pan out as planned?

To be continued …
 

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i look forward to see india burn.
 
VIII - Assault on India​

Part I​

680AD

At dawn, as the first rays of sun began to cast light on the west Indian fortress of Varanasi, the Khan ordered his armies to launch the assault.

GENGHIS: Catapults, obliterate those walls!

The artillery crews immediately began winching back their catapult arms and bombarded the Indian walls with heavy boulders. The Indians, who knew nothing of these strange contraptions, panicked. Their captain, a timid, cautious man, ordered everyone to retreat from the walls to safety.

GENGHIS: Ha! They run!

With no effort made to repair the walls as the boulders came flying down like raindrops, the fortifications around the town were smashed. By noon, only a pile of rubble was left where proud walls had only that morning stood. The walls were as good as useless.

GENGHIS: Good work. Next step: Cavalry, prepare to charge!

The Indians defensive units comprised of two units of swordsmen and one archer unit. Genghis reckoned, that with no walls to protect them, they would be slaughtered by a cavalry charge of the long-speared Keshik’s and mighty war elephants. First though, a path through the rubble had to be cleared.

GENGHIS: Catapults, covering fire! All other units on hand to clear the rubble!

The catapults began hurling their rocks into the town beyond the rubble as the infantry units swarmed towards the town. Within half an hour, the combined efforts of 2000 Mongol soldiers had cleared a route 6 paces wide through the rubble. The town, and its sheltering garrison was wide open. Their captain finally managed to gather the courage to order his troops forward to the rubble again.

GENGHIS: Infantry, take up a defensive line! Cavalry, WITH ME!

The Mongol Khan raced towards the town, at the head of the largest cavalry force in the East. The Indians, advancing over the rubble to attack the Mongol lines, looked up in horror. The captain screamed a retreat.

GENGHIS: Bah! Coward! He flees!

The Indian troops darted back for the debatable safety of the buildings. However, there was no chance that they would even make it that far. The Mongol cavalry swept over them, massacring them. The victory was Genghis’s.
 

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