450AD
The Indian king is welcomed in Karakorum
ASOKA: Khan, friend and ally, greetings from India.
GENGHIS: Wow, thanks, Ill treasure them. What can I do for you?
ASOKA: Its not what you can do for me, rather, what can I do for you?
GENGHIS: Not a fat lot, I reckon. Although some free stuff would be cool.
ASOKA: Scrounger. Nah, well I have the secret mystical tech that goes by the name of Calendar, and also a vast sum of 10 gold up for sale.
GENGHIS: Ok, I bid
5 Gold?
ASOKA: Hmm
no, for some reason that doesnt seem enough to meet my reserve price.
GENGHIS: What the hell is your reserve price?
ASOKA: I cant tell you, but heres a hint: I sure like constructing stuff. I find it very constructive. In fact, construction is worth paying for.
GENGHIS: God, a cryptic clue. Wheres Ialbuk when you need him?
KOLAI: Ooh, I know sire, hes
GENGHIS: (hisses) I know, you imbecile. Dont let Asoka know, hed have a field day over our bandit problems.
ASOKA: What was that?
GENGHIS: Oh, erm, nothing. Well your clue is intriguing, but I think I cracked it.
ASOKA: How brilliant of you.
GENGHIS: You obviously wanted 10 gold for your tech and 10 gold. So, deal?
ASOKA: No way, you dolt!
GENGHIS: Well I aint paying any more. Im not stupid. Ive won the Mongols general knowledge quiz 5 years in a row now.
GRIZNAKH: Yeah, well thats because you were asking the questions, and so had the answers as well. And most of the questions were stupid, like What am I thinking of now?
GENGHIS: Well I dont see your point, Griznakh. After all, I was the only one who knew the answer, wasnt I? So that must make me the cleverest.
GRIZNAKH: Ok, so what am I thinking of right now? I know, so you should.
GENGHIS: Thats so easy. Food.
GRIZNAKH: Ha! Not specific enough! You lose!
ASOKA: You lot are so funny, and its all because youre genuine idiots! Im off!
Asoka exits the council yurt
GENGHIS: Well, at least were not fake idiots, so there! Stupid Asoka.
GRIZNAKH: And also, in the Mongol general knowledge quiz, only the Mongol generals are allowed to enter. So thats you, Kolai, and that simpleton William!
GENGHIS: Tough competition that is, Griznakh!
KOLAI: Too right it is!
Cyrus enters
CYRUS: Actually, for barbarian scum, you lot are quite intelligent.
GENGHIS: Exactly! Thank you!
Cyrus laughs
CYRUS: And youre amusing. Yes, I think I shall let you live a little longer. Now, lets do business!
GENGHIS: Sweet. Id offer you a drink, but were fresh out.
CYRUS: Incidentally, I have a surplus of wine in my country, and wed be happy to supply you with some
for a price.
GENGHIS: Now hold on. What makes you think we want to trade for crappy Persian wine? Its probably not even wine, it's probably, erm, I dont know, fermented grape juice or something.
ISHAK: Hang on blud, aint fermentatated grape juice, like, aint that wine?
GENGHIS: Yeah, so?
ISHAK: Erm
damn, its gone. Nah, mustve been, like, an illusion like.
GENGHIS: Ishak, in future, write down what you want to say before you say it, please?
ISHAK: But I cant write!
GENGHIS: Yeah, I know.
CYRUS: Going back to your original question, the reason you want to trade for wine is because youre barbarians who are more often drunk than sober.
GENGHIS: Ah. So I do want wine then?
CYRUS: You do.
GENGHIS: Alright then, so what do you want?
CYRUS: In return, Persia would like a supply of pig.
GRIZNAKH: This is ok with me sire. We have plenty of pigs.
GENGHIS: Alright then, Cyrus, you gotcha self a deal.
CYRUS: Finally! One has to be patient with you Mongols, you know.
GENGHIS: Dude, you dont have to look at yourself. Your face is like the north end of a pig going south.
The trade opened up yet more possibilities for the Mongols, and an increase in drunken brawls was happily noted by the Khan. In fact, it was surprising when, a few years later, someone intelligent was born into the Mongol empire