500 ways you know your computer sucks

[Eran of Arcadia]

478. You cover 1.050 out of the 2.000 ways by yourself. The extra 50 being the times it crashed while creating the topic and posting.

479. When your computer adds 1050 and 50, it somehow gets 2000.

 

[Souron]

480. Your computer was a laptop. *

481. Your computer has one built in speaker.

482. You were going to get rid of it, but you couldn't get it out the door.

483. Your computer is older than you are.

*Guilty

 

[Yuri2356]

484) Your Computer predates written History.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

473: It didn't prevent you from posting the same joke, or a close variant thereof, on this list, simply because you didn't bother to read it all before posting.

(The irony being that Perf alrady sort of made this joke . . .)

485. Not being able to do anything else with your crappy computer, you peruse the length of this thread and complain about small details and forget to have fun.
486. Your computer is a weapon of mass destruction
487. You run Linux.
488. Your computer caused the collapse of entire civilizations throughout history
489. You post continually post on this thread...seeing as you have nothing else to do.
490. error
497. 494. 493.
499. woooooo498.oooooo
..... 495. 496. 491.
:suicide: 492. :suicide: :suicide:

500. "You worthless piece of "


ok we're done, close the thread!

 

[Genocidicbunny]

485. Not being able to do anything else with your crappy computer, you peruse the length of this thread and complain about small details and forget to have fun.
486. Your computer is a weapon of mass destruction
487. You run Linux.
488. Your computer caused the collapse of entire civilizations throughout history
489. You post continually post on this thread...seeing as you have nothing else to do.
490. error
497. 494. 493.
499. woooooo498.oooooo
..... 495. 496. 491.
:suicide: 492. :suicide: :suicide:

500. "You worthless piece of "


ok we're done, close the thread!

those last few dont count...

 

[Dionysius]

change the title to 1000 ways to know your computer sucks.
and yea, the last few are just smilies.

 

[ggganz]

You can't change the title, you know.
491. Visitors always go up to it and talk nonsense to it until you tell them your baby is on the other side of the room.
492. You ate because you hate it so much.
493. If you are a man, you got a the creepy woman that has a crush on you to eat it because you didn't think you could swallow the vaccum tubes and you like to see that woman in pain.
494 applies only to women.

Spoiler :

494. After you ate it everyone you passed said, "When is the baby due?"

495. You got someone else to eat it because you could not handle the nuclear energy it takes to power it.
496. You got someone else to eat it because the lead content of the monitor would surely kill you.
497. You ate it yourself because it was made of fruit.
498. When it came out the other end it looked like the baby you started with.
499. You didn't eat it because there was a large amount of gold in the video card (so that's why I thought I saw gold on every tile in )
The most important way to know is: 500. You disobeyed the one rule of computers (the tech quote for computers) "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window".
HA! I finished the thread! I never thought I'd do this! YEAH!!! ALRIGHT!!! What do I win?

 

[Dionysius]

You can't change the title, you know.

read below post. dammitall...

 

[ggganz]

No, he can't, either. I've tried in my own thread.

 

[Yuri2356]

Pfft.... Don't you kids know that an "X reasons that Y" thread never ends when it hits X reasons?

The Civ II and III "1000 Ways to know you play too much" lists both hit at least 2k. (C2 carried right on into the 4000 range)


With that said- Pase two, Commence!

501) Your PC has diodes the Side of your Head.

502) You no longer require a furnace, because your Computer gives off that much heat.

503) Parts of your Sound card were prototype designs for the V2 missile's guidance system...

504) ...and were rejected for their low quality.

505) When shutting down your computer, you need to say 'please'.

506) You need to start your machine up 6-8 weeks in advance.

507) You can do your taxes by hand faster than the Computer can open notepad.

508) Printing a document involves carbon paper and a hand crank.

509) You're impressed by the High-Tech miniaturization seen in 1950s Sci-Fi.

510) You've had to clear the Monitor of Fungus more than twice this week.

 

[Dionysius]

511: your monitor has only one pixel.

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

512. Because of 511, you can't see what you are typing.

 

[plarq]

Destroying this computer is justifiable fungicide.

 

[ggganz]

Destroying this computer is justifiable fungicide.

I'm guessing that was 513.
514. Your interface is just letters on the side of the CPU that say "Kick here", "Punch here", and "Urinate here".

 

[MooManof_]

514. Your interface is just letters on the side of the CPU that say "Kick here", "Punch here", and "Urinate here".

If those are the inputs, then:
515. The main output is a hidden panel which swings open when 'input' is recieved.
516. The panel reads: "Start running..."

 

[plarq]

517. (Continues from 516, regards of 515) "It's gonna explode!" In fact, explosion is the output result.
518. The explosion of the computer has two kinds of color, Red and Blue, in order to reflect the input binary code.

 

[Perfection]

519. It came with your breakfast cereal

 

[Mauritania]

520. You have to raise Atlantis in order to claim your warranty.

 

[plarq]

521. According to the myth told by Atlantis descendents, a apoclypstic computer (like the one you store in your backyard AND your garage) will raise the level of Atlantic Lake and transform it into an ocean.

 

[BlizzardGR]

511: your monitor has only one pixel.

522. .... and it's burned.

523. You can't RMA your monitor though, because it has a 3 burned pixel warranty.