500 ways you know your computer sucks

[Xanikk999]

554) It still uses vacuum tubes and does not use the integrated circuit.

555) It uses the intel 4004 processor.

556) It doesnt have an AGP slot.

557) It doesnt have a GUI.

558) It doesnt have a USB port.

559) It came with a mouse with 3 buttons.

 

[MooManof_]

553. Your computer moniter is about as big as a microchip.

560. The most advanced (smallest) microchip in your PC is a big a widescreen TV.

 

[plarq]

561. You use a real mouse as pointing device.

 

[NikNaks]

562. The stone CPU has the words 'Forre ye custommerr' engraved on it

 

[Maniacal]

559) It came with a mouse with 3 buttons.

How is that bad? Mine has 7 buttons and a scroll wheel...

563. The mouse has no buttons.

 

[Love]

564
miss a Cd insert

 

[Hitti-Litti]

565. You found it from the pyramids of Giza

 

[ggganz]

566. It takes longer to order a new one over the Internet than it does to ship it from TN to CA.
567. It's so stupid that it wrote all of these posts without realizing that it was insulting itself.

 

[Dionysius]

568: the calculator cant add.
569: the autocorrect is dyslexic.

 

[Genocidicbunny]

570. Re-formatting and reinstalling windows makes it crash more ( true story)

 

[Sophie 378]

570. Re-formatting and reinstalling windows makes it crash more ( true story)

Snap!

571. The sound card is a little man in a box, with a set of really tiny musical instruments to play.

 

[Tenochtitlan]

572. You have 2 5.25" Floppy disk drives

 

[Genocidicbunny]

572. You have 2 5.25" Floppy disk drives

573. Thats all your computer has

 

[ggganz]

574.

Read it all.

 

[carmen510]

Luckily, I use Firefox!

 

[ggganz]

I don't.xcl

 

[Atropos]

549. You never actually installed it because the megaliths won't fit on your lawn. (I can't believe that this is the first Stonehenge joke in this thread).

550. You have been warned not to use it because it carries the Curse of the Carnarvons.

551. It has a slot for coins.

552. It has a slot for virgin sacrifices.

553. When you call the technical support staff, you are surprised to discover that they majored in theology.

554. You receive the following error message: "Computer possessed by demons. Abort, retry, delete?"

555. You don't believe the message - it must be more than one demon.

556. Biblical exegesists discover that the phrase of the New Testament customarily translated "Gaddarene swine" in fact means "Your computer." (Note: these were the swine Jesus was said to have exorcised).

557. Tourists come from miles away to see it.

558. Archeologists come from miles away to see it.

 

[Paradigne]

559) It's made by Texas Instruments...

 

[carmen510]

560. Aliens flock over to your house to study it. (In disguise)
561. They underestimated us because of the computer's lack of technology and got owned by sixteen pistols and a sniper rifle.
562. Everyone now worships the computer for saving the earth.
563. It was so popular, it became the UN director.
564. It crashed and died when it's sheer heaviness caused the UN HQ to collapse.
565. They created a memorial there.
566. Osama Bin Laden targeted the computer as the next attacks.
567. They failed.
568. It was revived by technical experts, but it kept crashing.
569. The blue screen of death is so often, you can swear it's the sky.
570. The internet server for it has been hooked up to the Empire State Building. (Therefore making the building an internet server)

 

[Maniacal]

559) It's made by Texas Instruments...

Please explain. TI makes good calculators...

@Atropos & Carmen: Good ones!

571. The screen has replaced the sky it's so big.
572. The sky is usualy blue due to the bluescreen of doom, and it is night when the computer crashes.