Aussies Gonna Get Spanked

[Mongol Horde]

Well it's ashes time again with a bit of look my dad will get us Headingley seats again for the last day. The Aussies must be really pooing their pants now because this is what is going to happen to them:

The Ashes are coming home................

 

[stormerne]

You'll like this site then! http://www.theashes.4mg.com/
(which might also go some way to explaining what the Ashes are

)

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[Simon Darkshade]

What I said before on this matter was fairly much in jest. You lot really don't have a hope.
Lets look at the teams:
England XI: Atherton, Trescothick, Vaughan, Hussain(c), Thorpe, Stewart, Ward, White, Cork, Caddick, Gough.
A good ordinary side, but only Gough truly worldclass in the bowling stakes. Caddick could be a handful, and White is an improver, but chokes against Australia. Cork, unfortunately, always struggles against class. Batting is built around Atherton, but McGrath has his measure. Trescothick is just a portly sausage eater from Somerset. Vaughan ain't seen nothing yet. Hussain has just been injured, and that will be tested at every opportunity by our pacemen. Thorpe is a lone hand, Stewart never does good against Australia, with only 1 100 in over 20 Tests. You may be improving in the field, but have along way to go.
White has been off the boil with the bat since Pakistan.
Rating 7.5/10

Compare that to us:

Aust XI: Slater, Hayden,Langer, M.Waugh, S.Waugh(c), Ponting, Gilchrist, Warne, Lee, Gillespie, McGrath.
A very frightening team, who only just lost in India, mainly because of an off spinner with an unorthodox style. Before that, well, you know what happened.
Hayden is in superb touch, and plays very well in England. He has matched his patience with a destructive flair. Slater always butchers the English attack, and is creeping back into ominous form. Langer is a proven run scorer for Middlesex, and can bat for days. Also, he has developed a more attacking side to his game. Arguably the most gutsy player going round.
Mark Waugh, if the bribery stuff doesn't distract him too much, will murder English pie chuckers with his superlative on side play and his juicy cover drives. In some of the best form of his career last summer. Did I mention his outstanding slip fielding, and handy off spin...
Steve Waugh is the world's best batsman, and relishes English conditions. He is also an outstanding skipper. Ponting is growing into an almost complete player, and is the best fielder going round. He pulls better than anyone i have seen since Viv or Gordon, and is a great hooker.
Adam Gilchrist is one of the most exiting batsmen going about, scoring at one day tempo or better in the Test arena. He is also an outstanding keeper, and comes in at 7 when he could open.
Warne hasn't been at his best lately, but loves a challenge, and look what he did in the World Cup over there. Eight years now, and you still can't play legspin!!!
Brett Lee is the fastest bowler playing, and will terrify, hury, and devastate the English. He can bat bloody well too.
Dizzy Gillespie is coming for you, and he's not that much slower than Lee. He can bat for ages and hold up an end properly. This pair will provide a pace combination that will saw England in half!
Then, there is the world's best bowler, Glenn McGrath. Fast, accurate, consistent, miserly, loves playing the Poms. He has even learnt to bat. YOU ARE TOAST!!!!
Rating: 9.95/10

Hick should be in the team, and maybe Ramprakash. Both have good records vs Australia, and have expreriece, something Ward, Giles, Sidebottom, Vaughan, Trescothick et al do not.
Your only hope is that it rains all day, every Test.
This is Richie Benaud, signing off.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. It seems none had the stomach to confront my mighty facts

Seriously, I know there are a lot of Yanks out there, which spoils things a bit, but any other cricket fans?

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[Az]

hmmm.....

What are you talking about?

 

[Simon Darkshade]

It is a game played by Commonwealth countries, and is utterly incomprehensible and impenetrable to outsiders. No one not bought up on it has been known to understand a single iota of it. And we love it.
Australia is the best in the world, and England is traditionally the worst

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[animepornstar]

is it the commonwealth games you are talking about?

 

[andycapp]

No, Simon is not talking about the Commonwealth Games - which are like a mini Olympics between the nations of the former British Empire (now a group of independent nations who belong to a group called the 'Commonwealth of Nations').

What is being discussed in this thread is the game of 'Cricket' and more particularly a Cricket series (begining in June in England) between the traditional rivals Australia and England. These series of cricket matches (usually 5 matches in a series) are played to win the 'Ashes' (sort of a trophy) and are therefore referred to as an 'Ashes' series.

Simon wasn't entirely accurate about who plays cricket. Although Cricket playing countries predominantly come from the 'Commonwealth' there are many other countries such as Netherlands, Sweden, USA etc that play cricket (albeit in a small way).

Now down to the real business at hand - giving those Pommies a severe and utterly deserved thrashing!

Mongol Horde methinks the 'poo' will end up on some red English faces!

 

[andycapp]

Btw Stormerne, thanks for the link to the 'Ashes' site (some interesting reading), although I'm not sure how enlightening this will be for those that know nothing of Cricket.

 

[Alexander's Horse]

I can't see England making much of a challenge to the Australian team. But I hope they put up some competition - unlike the last Ashes series.


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Fear not, Horse is here

http://forums.delphi.com/prot1/start

 

[andycapp]

I think many Aussies are hoping the Poms have finally got their act together otherwise it's like taking candy from a baby!

Btw could some of our Pommie friends please explain why English Cricket has been in such a dreadful state (admittedly has improved lately)? I have a few thoughts of my own on this subject.

 

[Mongol Horde]

I don't know why English cricket has been in such a bad state. Thee has been a lot of mis management at the top and some interesting selection choices over the past decade which hasn't helped. But in truth I genuinely feel that it has just been a bit of a barren patch (something you Aussies find hard to comprehend). There is something exciting about this England team at the moment though, the team spirit and will to win is phenomenal. This side is improving at an incomprehensible rate. Did you see the test against Pakistan? We didn't even play well and the Pakistanis were taken apart piece by piece.

Darkshade has grossly underrated the England side. To claim that Caddick is not a world class bowler is ridiculous. Trescothick has made the best start to an England test career in 50 years and Graham Thorpe is easily one of the most gifted batsmen in the world. The vastly experienced Atherton and Stewart are playing great cricket and Nasser is finally coming back. Craig white is one of the few genuine all rounders in the game. Cork will have to get some form from somewhere but if he is on top of it he can be a fearsome bowler I remember games where he has had the worlds top batsmen visibly scared. I accept the pointy onm giles he is a chimp and shouldn't even be playing.

But of course the Aussies have the better side on paper but England are still gonna win. Something in my bones tells me, I have forseen it young Darkshade.

And anyone who disses cricket you make me

 

[DrAmazing]

Mongol Horde, that feeling in your bones? I think it's arthritis.

Get some practice at that vomiting, I expect the Aussies' success will repeatedly make you sick.


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...not that I'm interesting in THAT sort of thing...

 

[andycapp]

Brave words Mongol Horde but you'll have to offer something more concrete than "a feeling in your bones". I agree with you that the English team has been playing well lately but when you compare the two side man for man the Aussies have match winners in S.Waugh, A.Gilchrist, B.Lee and S.Warne. I concede that Warne's form has been poor but he loves bowling in England and he still has a psychological edge over most of the English batsmen (who can forget the ball that got Mike Gatting). The only real match winner in the England side is Darren Gough - as 'Simon says' he's a world class bowler.

The other big area of difference is mental toughness - England have yet to prove they can match the Aussies in that area. Btw we had two English County players playing with our club 3 years ago - John Lewis and Robbie Cuniliffe, both from Glouchester - great cricketers and great guys.

I look forward to the start of the series and Mongol Horde I suspect the feeling in your bones could become a pain in the arse - still some one said there is a doctor in the house - welcome DrAmazing. Another Aussie joins the throng.

 

[DrAmazing]

G'day andycapp and other Aussies.
(I only came here for a spanking.)

 

[stormerne]

Originally posted by andycapp:
Btw could some of our Pommie friends please explain why English Cricket has been in such a dreadful state (admittedly has improved lately)? I have a few thoughts of my own on this subject.

My own opinion, for what it's worth, is they've lacked leadership. Nasser is the best captain from the point of view of leadership qualities we've had for years.

The infrastructure of cricket is still in a bad way here however. There is not the same love of the game permeating our teens anymore and hasn't been since the 80s. Thus there is not enough talent coming through to fill the place of the old veterans. I can't see that changing in the near future.

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[andycapp]

I'm interested to hear your views about English cricket Stormerne. John Lewis and Robbie Cuniliffe (when they were playing here) told me that most young English sportsmen were attracted to Soccer (at the expense of cricket) because it had a higher profile, more money and the national team more success than it's cricketing counterpart. I suppose if the English cricket team does continue to have success then perhaps more young people will be attracted to play the game - I hope so (except not against the Aussies).

 

[Mongol Horde]

This country has plenty of young cricketers, we have a population of 60 million compared to whatever it is in Aussie. Cricket is played in virtually every school in the country so it is not a lack of bodies. It probably boils down to the usual...money not enough invested in facilities and youth projects. But like I said before this is the lull before the storm England will be glorious again....soon.

 

[stormerne]

I think you may be overestimating the amount of young talent nowadays. I reckon it is <u>significantly</u> less than it was in, say, the 60s. Sure schools still play cricket in the short summer term, but where are the unorganised activities - where have they gone, why have they died?

In the 60s, every English schoolboy was playing cricket out of school during the summer - 'straight' cricket, hand cricket, football cricket... By the 80s this enthusiasm was already dying. Now you scarcely see a game outside of one that is institutionally organised.

The concept of cool has snuck up on us. It's no longer cool - perhaps never was cool - to play cricket. It's become a marginalised game for eccentrics. Which is sad, because it's one of the very few sports I like watching, and the only one worth listening to on the radio.

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[andycapp]

I love playing cricket (and watching) - it is a game of infinite variation and great subtlety - and one where a game can seem headed to a predictable result and then take a dramatic turn - I still haven't forgotten what Beefy Botham did to the Aussies at Headingly all those years ago!

Cricket for me is synonomous with Summer, and getting together with my mates, drinking beer and telling pork pies - reminds me of my first tour to India and the record partnership with Dean Jones - of course that was just the start of a great test career!