DrAmazing
Chieftain
Still waiting for that spanking. If I don't get one soon I'm leaving!
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...not that I'm interesting in THAT sort of thing...
Aussies Gonna Get Spanked
- Thread starter Mongol Horde
- Start date
Still waiting for that spanking. If I don't get one soon I'm leaving!
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...not that I'm interesting in THAT sort of thing...
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
Well, we delivered the spanking, and this is just a taste of what is coming up.
We never looked in trouble, and even rested Bevan! Pah! England have no hope, and even more so when they insist on playing 2nd and 3rd XI players. They lost the mind game.
I reckon Lee is bowling very much within himself, like Warney did in 93, when they let Hick get 187 in a lead up match. When the real stuff starts, Aussies will destroy a sub standard England team. Engalnd really should be removed from international cricket, and replaced by France
( We can lend them Richie Benaud as captain)
This is going to be a long summer for our northern hemisphere cousins who do not like to wash (
), and I am going to relish every agonizing minute of it.
To paraphrase Rowan Atkinson,
"It's all got to do with the Nat West series, you see. Teams were coming out to play, without being able to. Your team was caught, and we administered a beating, during which, they died. You see the one day system-"
"Excuse me, you beat our team to death?"
"Yes, yes, so it would seem. Please I'm not used to being interrupted."
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
We never looked in trouble, and even rested Bevan! Pah! England have no hope, and even more so when they insist on playing 2nd and 3rd XI players. They lost the mind game.
I reckon Lee is bowling very much within himself, like Warney did in 93, when they let Hick get 187 in a lead up match. When the real stuff starts, Aussies will destroy a sub standard England team. Engalnd really should be removed from international cricket, and replaced by France
This is going to be a long summer for our northern hemisphere cousins who do not like to wash (
To paraphrase Rowan Atkinson,
"It's all got to do with the Nat West series, you see. Teams were coming out to play, without being able to. Your team was caught, and we administered a beating, during which, they died. You see the one day system-"
"Excuse me, you beat our team to death?"
"Yes, yes, so it would seem. Please I'm not used to being interrupted."
------------------
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
Now we pounded the Poms even worse than last time, without big efforts with the bat.
May
help you when we get all departments of the game together...
All out for 86! Pathetic! Gillespie and McGrath crushed em, and Warne swept up the tail. Sound familiar?
Lee and Gilchrist will come good very shortly, IMO, and the S Waugh ruthlessness will come to the fore. Aussies are a superlative one day side, and even better at Test cricket, but we'll discuss that when it comes about.
My take on some of England's problems, just for one day team at the moment:
Batting line up too short, and lacking in class and experience. Knight and Trescothick doing very nicely up top, but there is really nothing to back them up. Shah has started well, but it is a bit to late to keep experimenting, as the World Cup is not that far away. Stewart is in bad form, and needs to get a low pressure hit in.
Thorpe needs to come back, as does Hick.
Don't be silly, and try and punish him for not living up to test expectations,; he is class, a big hitter, and experienced.
England is playing too many so called allrounders. Hollioake, Ealham, Cork- they all combine to give England too short a top order.
They need to put together a collection of experienced batsmen in the top 6 or 7, with Stewart as wicketkeeper giving convienient room to manouever.
Perhaps something like this team could be useful: Knight, Trescothick, Hick, Thorpe, Stewart,Hussain/Some other good righthander,
Flintoff/White,Ealham/Croft, Cork Gough Caddick.
Well, that is my opinion, and in addition, it seems my prediction of a whitewash is looking pretty good on current form.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
May
All out for 86! Pathetic! Gillespie and McGrath crushed em, and Warne swept up the tail. Sound familiar?
Lee and Gilchrist will come good very shortly, IMO, and the S Waugh ruthlessness will come to the fore. Aussies are a superlative one day side, and even better at Test cricket, but we'll discuss that when it comes about.
My take on some of England's problems, just for one day team at the moment:
Batting line up too short, and lacking in class and experience. Knight and Trescothick doing very nicely up top, but there is really nothing to back them up. Shah has started well, but it is a bit to late to keep experimenting, as the World Cup is not that far away. Stewart is in bad form, and needs to get a low pressure hit in.
Thorpe needs to come back, as does Hick.
Don't be silly, and try and punish him for not living up to test expectations,; he is class, a big hitter, and experienced.
England is playing too many so called allrounders. Hollioake, Ealham, Cork- they all combine to give England too short a top order.
They need to put together a collection of experienced batsmen in the top 6 or 7, with Stewart as wicketkeeper giving convienient room to manouever.
Perhaps something like this team could be useful: Knight, Trescothick, Hick, Thorpe, Stewart,Hussain/Some other good righthander,
Flintoff/White,Ealham/Croft, Cork Gough Caddick.
Well, that is my opinion, and in addition, it seems my prediction of a whitewash is looking pretty good on current form.
------------------
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
andycapp
Grumpy Old Griper
A truly great performance by the Australians and a truly miserable one by England. My hopes for a competitive Ashes series are fading fast it would appear as though the English side have been mentally beaten already - lets hope not!
Btw where have all the English supporters gone? There's so much to talk about - Ricky Ponting, the Aussies, Gillespie, the Aussies, Steve Waugh, the Aussies, McGrath and did I mention - the Aussies?
Mongol Horde I bet you're already regretting starting this topic - and we haven't even started the Test Series!
Btw where have all the English supporters gone? There's so much to talk about - Ricky Ponting, the Aussies, Gillespie, the Aussies, Steve Waugh, the Aussies, McGrath and did I mention - the Aussies?
Mongol Horde I bet you're already regretting starting this topic - and we haven't even started the Test Series!
DrAmazing
Chieftain
I hate to rub it in---no, actually that's a lie. I LOVE to rub it in.
Is it too late to change my 3-1 series win to the Aussies to a 5-0 whitewash?
One thing that hasn't been mentioned, which will have to be done by one of us since the Poms have gone quiet, is the form of Trescothick. He looks a class act and along with Atherton the Poms may have a quality opening pair. However, the Aussies have a chance to study Trescothick in this one-day series and look for, then exploit, any weaknesses in his game.
My bet is that they'll find one and have his measure in time for the first Test.
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...not that I'm interesting in THAT sort of thing...
andycapp
Grumpy Old Griper
What a disgrace!!!
No, I'm not talking about the Aussies' loss to Pakistan - I'm talking about the pathetic efforts(?) of the English Cricket authorities to control pitch invasions! I'm wondering what it will take to convince the English authorities that they need to get serious about this issue - when somebody is seriously injured or killed it will be to late.
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
They thought we had a problem a few years back with stupid drunken individuals running onto the grounds, but they were sole offenders. This is really buggered! Three games, and these wankers still keep doing it.
Throwing up firecrackers and acting as if they are above the law.
I understand the Poms are reticent to put up big fences, due to that crowd crushing tragedy in the late 80s, but they cannot just put up signs, and little plastic fences. they must crack down on these hooligans before they kill someone.
I don't want to delve into racial stereotypes and racism, but you look at those running on the ground, and it is the Asian fans. There is frequent trouble and rioting on the subcontinent as well. In the 1996 World Cup, one match was called off because the "fans" started to riot.
It is a disgrace. The English authorities should do something. It is not as if they have no practice at gassing, beating and shooting civilians (Northern Ireland comes to mind..) The same people are doing it each time. Action must be taken, to save cricket.
God knows, its had enough body blows lately with the bribery scandal, and all.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Throwing up firecrackers and acting as if they are above the law.
I understand the Poms are reticent to put up big fences, due to that crowd crushing tragedy in the late 80s, but they cannot just put up signs, and little plastic fences. they must crack down on these hooligans before they kill someone.
I don't want to delve into racial stereotypes and racism, but you look at those running on the ground, and it is the Asian fans. There is frequent trouble and rioting on the subcontinent as well. In the 1996 World Cup, one match was called off because the "fans" started to riot.
It is a disgrace. The English authorities should do something. It is not as if they have no practice at gassing, beating and shooting civilians (Northern Ireland comes to mind..) The same people are doing it each time. Action must be taken, to save cricket.
God knows, its had enough body blows lately with the bribery scandal, and all.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
TrailblazingScot
I was kittenOFchaos
Well...we have no experts in here
Some people here think Hick is a good batsmman...next they'll say rampakash is!
As for you aussies...the British Lions will make you weep -as they already have humilited the provincial teams.
Some people here think Hick is a good batsmman...next they'll say rampakash is!
As for you aussies...the British Lions will make you weep -as they already have humilited the provincial teams.
andycapp
Grumpy Old Griper
Fe, fi, fo, fum it's nice to finally hear from an Englishman!
I was beginning to think you Poms were all on Summer holidays. And Kitten, you're right we're obviously not experts - some of us thought Trescothick might actually know which end of a bat to pick-up - guess we were wrong!
Btw Rugby, that's badly organised bumsniffing! The only interest is in beating the Poms at another game they invented.
Btw Rugby, that's badly organised bumsniffing! The only interest is in beating the Poms at another game they invented.
DrAmazing
Chieftain
Yeah! I'm only interested in bumsniffing if it's ORGANISED!
andycapp
Grumpy Old Griper
Hey Mongol, a 9 wicket win to the Aussies in the one-day final - does that constitute a "spanking"?
Those Englishmen have gone very quiet! If, in the unlikely chance, England win a Test match are we likely to see a few of you come out of the woodwork? At the moment it appears as if the Poms have taken their bat and ball and gone home!
Those Englishmen have gone very quiet! If, in the unlikely chance, England win a Test match are we likely to see a few of you come out of the woodwork? At the moment it appears as if the Poms have taken their bat and ball and gone home!
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
This news just in! Poms agree to not even bother to turn up for series. The ECB have considered their position in the lead up to this Thursday's scheduled First Test, and have decided to avoid any more humiliation by conceding the entire series.
England captain Nasser Hussain elaborated to a shocked press conference. "Well, it all came down to form, and the teams. They have won virtually everything, and are in menacing form. They could even afford to drop Justin Langer, a batsman who averages in the mid 40s, and scored over 1000 runs in 2000. Not one of our batsmen even averages that much. They (Australia) basically scare us.
We have been forced to put together a ragged fourth string eleven that would struggle to compete against a Bangladesh under-8s side.
1.) Atherton - McGrath's bunny
2.) Trescothick - the great white hope. Or blimp, depends on how you see it. We just didn't want to ruin his confidence by making him play Australia
3.)Mark Butcher- in due to injuries, but cannot play pace or spin of Aussie quality. Pulled in desperation out of cricketing wilderness.
4.) Me, Nasser. I haven't made good runs for a while, and they sorted me out the other day. Oh dear, oh dear.
5.) Stewart- He has been in shocking form, but is our only option. Oh dear.
6.) Usman Afzaal- I don't know who he is, or where they got him from. Oh dear
7.) Ian Ward - We got him in the team to make the others look a bit good. He looks like a cricketer, at least until he is on the ground
8.) White - The other great white hope. But, I am afraid the Aussies are going to amke him wish he stayed in that gutter.
9.) Cork - We hope he turns up. Our best scowler, and loud appealer, which is what we look for in a bowler.
10.) Gough - Our only good bowler. Australia have agreed to let him bowl to them in the nets for ten minutes, so he doesn't feel left out
11.) Caddick - Alas, he could bowl too, but hasn't been seen since last Tuesday, when a freak gust of wind caught his ears, and he went sailing away.
Well, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, let us just say that we are looking to merge with another international cricket team.
Italy, maybe.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
England captain Nasser Hussain elaborated to a shocked press conference. "Well, it all came down to form, and the teams. They have won virtually everything, and are in menacing form. They could even afford to drop Justin Langer, a batsman who averages in the mid 40s, and scored over 1000 runs in 2000. Not one of our batsmen even averages that much. They (Australia) basically scare us.
We have been forced to put together a ragged fourth string eleven that would struggle to compete against a Bangladesh under-8s side.
1.) Atherton - McGrath's bunny
2.) Trescothick - the great white hope. Or blimp, depends on how you see it. We just didn't want to ruin his confidence by making him play Australia
3.)Mark Butcher- in due to injuries, but cannot play pace or spin of Aussie quality. Pulled in desperation out of cricketing wilderness.
4.) Me, Nasser. I haven't made good runs for a while, and they sorted me out the other day. Oh dear, oh dear.
5.) Stewart- He has been in shocking form, but is our only option. Oh dear.
6.) Usman Afzaal- I don't know who he is, or where they got him from. Oh dear
7.) Ian Ward - We got him in the team to make the others look a bit good. He looks like a cricketer, at least until he is on the ground
8.) White - The other great white hope. But, I am afraid the Aussies are going to amke him wish he stayed in that gutter.
9.) Cork - We hope he turns up. Our best scowler, and loud appealer, which is what we look for in a bowler.
10.) Gough - Our only good bowler. Australia have agreed to let him bowl to them in the nets for ten minutes, so he doesn't feel left out
11.) Caddick - Alas, he could bowl too, but hasn't been seen since last Tuesday, when a freak gust of wind caught his ears, and he went sailing away.
Well, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, let us just say that we are looking to merge with another international cricket team.
Italy, maybe.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
andycapp
Grumpy Old Griper
Simon
What suprises me is that none of the Brits have poked their head up, even after thrashing the Aussies at bumsniffing - morale must be low!
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
DAY ONE: WE FLIPPIN' MURDERED 'EM!!!!!!!!
Take out one inevitable last wicket partnership, and we were the ones doing the spanking. Slater in sparkling form, and set for a big one today, with M Waugh beside him.
Warne proved what I said: After 8 years, the Poms are too stupid or lazy to learn how to play leg spin. The pace all did well, with Lee probably going to get wickets second time around.
The much vaunted England bowling was crap. Caddick was useless, White a pathetic pretender, Giles meat for the sideboards (despite Hayden being a sporting chap and giving him a wicket), and even Gough has looked fairly one dimensional.
Bring on Day Two, and the next 4 tests. This is going to be fun. Mongol, wherever you are, I hope you are happy
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Take out one inevitable last wicket partnership, and we were the ones doing the spanking. Slater in sparkling form, and set for a big one today, with M Waugh beside him.
Warne proved what I said: After 8 years, the Poms are too stupid or lazy to learn how to play leg spin. The pace all did well, with Lee probably going to get wickets second time around.
The much vaunted England bowling was crap. Caddick was useless, White a pathetic pretender, Giles meat for the sideboards (despite Hayden being a sporting chap and giving him a wicket), and even Gough has looked fairly one dimensional.
Bring on Day Two, and the next 4 tests. This is going to be fun. Mongol, wherever you are, I hope you are happy
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
WE SPANKED THEM!!!!!!! Australia won by an innings and 118 runs, as the Pathetic Poms collapsed as they always do. Go Warney! Go Slats! Go Gilly! Go Dizzy!
I pity the fool who has an faith in English cricket. This is being hailed as the strongest Australian team ever to tour England, and it could be right. Without rain and light delays, we destroyed dem fools withing three days. Next time, it will be the top orders turn to make 3 centuries, instead of the middle order.
The Ashes will be staying downunder, and we will wipe the floor with that miserable bunch.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
I pity the fool who has an faith in English cricket. This is being hailed as the strongest Australian team ever to tour England, and it could be right. Without rain and light delays, we destroyed dem fools withing three days. Next time, it will be the top orders turn to make 3 centuries, instead of the middle order.
The Ashes will be staying downunder, and we will wipe the floor with that miserable bunch.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
DrAmazing
Chieftain
I think your suggestion of abandoning the series to save face was brilliant, Simon Darkshade!!!
Surprising the Poms didn't act on the suggestion.
DrAmazing
Chieftain
Seems like there's only Aussie voices echoing around in here.
Since the cricket actually started this thread has become a Pom-Free Zone.
Mongol Horde
Resident Savage Army
Of we were bound to give you a head start just to make the competion a little more interesting.
Still, Rafter got spanked, the Wallabies are gonna get spanked. Aussie sport is going down the toilet.
Still, Rafter got spanked, the Wallabies are gonna get spanked. Aussie sport is going down the toilet.
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
We won. We flogged the miserable Pom's till you could see through them. 8 WICKETS THIS TIME, MONGOL, ME OLD MATE!!!!!!!!!
Only 3 Tests to go, and you fools must win all of them. Ain't gonna happen, cobber.
Mark Waugh joins the batting procession, and all the quickies are comin' into ominous form. It is too late to call off the wager as well
Your entire team is quite laughables. "Athers" is a washed up blocker, Tresco a fat bastard who's real form is now showing, Hussain an injury prone loser (when it comes to the BIG league, and there is no bigger than us
), Thorpe is now injured, and looked far from impressive. Craig White an allrounder.
Maybe if the definition is "can't bat for ****, can't bowl for ****, can't catch for" - You get the picture.
Cork is a crock, and Ward is way out of his depth, like a toddler ddropped in the Marianas Trench. Stewart is too old and has forgotten how to bat.
The much vaunted Gough and Caddick are pie chuckers who are a bit better than the rest, and provide regular amounts of fruit for the sideboards.
Five nill is looking very luvly, eh guv?
BTW, Rafter lost in an epic to a Croatian (not a Pom) and the Wallabies won the bloody series! Everything you touch just turns to mud, doesn't it mate?
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Only 3 Tests to go, and you fools must win all of them. Ain't gonna happen, cobber.
Mark Waugh joins the batting procession, and all the quickies are comin' into ominous form. It is too late to call off the wager as well
Your entire team is quite laughables. "Athers" is a washed up blocker, Tresco a fat bastard who's real form is now showing, Hussain an injury prone loser (when it comes to the BIG league, and there is no bigger than us
Maybe if the definition is "can't bat for ****, can't bowl for ****, can't catch for" - You get the picture.
Cork is a crock, and Ward is way out of his depth, like a toddler ddropped in the Marianas Trench. Stewart is too old and has forgotten how to bat.
The much vaunted Gough and Caddick are pie chuckers who are a bit better than the rest, and provide regular amounts of fruit for the sideboards.
Five nill is looking very luvly, eh guv?
BTW, Rafter lost in an epic to a Croatian (not a Pom) and the Wallabies won the bloody series! Everything you touch just turns to mud, doesn't it mate?
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
Mongol Horde
Resident Savage Army
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