QAIDA NO. 2 TO ANSWER WEB QUESTIONS SOON
Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri will soon answer the hundreds of questions submitted by journalists, militants and others about the terrorist networks future, its media wing announced Wednesday.
Associated Press.
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
Please find attached my homemade terror video, entitled Death to America. In it, you will see that I brandish an AK-47, make angry facial expressions, and threaten the infidels with imminent doom. Am seeking a full- or part-time position with Al Qaeda making spooky tapes. Have own cave.
Fingers Crossed in Peshawar
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
Thank you for sharing this with us. While Im afraid your terror video does not meet our needs at the present time, we would be interested in seeing anything scary you do in the future.
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
I am a member in good standing of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade and am considering switching my terror membership to Al Qaeda. Is there a difference in dental?
Confused in Cairo
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
Unfortunately, that is not my department. Please call the office between the hours of eight and five and ask for Al Qaeda No. 37.
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
I was hatching a terror plot on my cell phone the other day, but now Im afraid that the C.I.A. was listening in. What should I do?
Worried in Sharm al-Sheikh
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
American law allows the government to eavesdrop on any phone conversation for no reason whatsoever. But, as a practical matter, this means the Americans are too busy spying on one another to ever spy on us. Plus, they dont know Arabic. Still, you can never be too cautious. When talking on your cell phone, never use the words Al Qaeda. Instead, refer to us by our secret code name, the Emperors Club V.I.P.
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
I am a journalist for the U.S. publication Tiger Beat. When I heard you would be taking Web questions, I was like OMG, I totes have to write to him!!! Here are three questions were asking celebrities this month:
1. If you could be any character on Gossip Girl, who would you be?
2. Who would be a better friend, Lauren on The Hills or Ashley Tisdale in High School Musical?
3. Who is hotter, Zac Efron or Joe Jonas? (LOL)
Stacy in Manhattan
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
May you and everyone at your magazine burn in Hell.
...
