Can you have a soulmate of the gender you aren't hot for?

[Narz]

I don't believe in "soulmate" but for those who go for the idea, why is it that the soulmate always be the opposite sex (or I guess same sex if you're gay).

Why do you have to have sex with your soulmate?

When I was young & a bit silly I used to think finding a good woman would solve most of my problems. Now I know it's not so. I can't help thinking having a good, close male friend who inspired me who I could draw strength from & give strength to would serve me more than any female soulmate who'd rub me on the back & say "baby it'll be ok" (Wu-Tang!).

What do you think?

I suspect in our culture most of us have been raised with some major intimacy blockers against same-sex bonds of that kind. Perhaps it's even evolutionary though I doubt it (having powerful male-male alliances would seem to be a trait that would be favored).

Sometimes when I hear the TV (which is usually on in the background where I live right now) I think that romantic love, as currently popular in the media, serves to disconnect us from larger community bonds & makes us easier targets for consumerism peddlers. The types of male relationships portrayed on TV mostly seem like two buddies sharing a beer or talking about women never much real intimacy or deep comradery.

For some reason such bonds seem far less popular to discuss than male-female bonds.

 

[Rashiminos]

I'm sure the twin () topics of souls and the act of mating are big issues here. Same sex couples cannot naturally mate (although technology may have a work-around), so it's not clear what a soul-bonding between two people of the same gender would imply, whereas heterosexual couples would have some intuition about love, birth, and some other such thing (it's not clear there, either).

Then we have souls, or do we?

If neither of those two topics are relevant, then the terms approaches friends w/ benefits status, and fails to carry the import that is usually intended with the term (soulmate, that is).

Now if we were to leave out just the part about mating (natural or otherwise), and use the term soulbonding, what would that imply, and would such a relationship be desirable? Furthermore, if soulbonding had some actual consequence, would ramifications outside of the bond be considered in whether to make it, or not?

 

[aronnax]

The relationship between JD and Turk on Scrubs is pretty much, I quote "It's like I married my best friend but not in a totally gay way."
Marshall, Ted and Barney are incredibly emotionally close on How I met your Mother.

Raj and Howard on the Big Bang Theory.

Although I am gay, I have a very close female friend who I honestly can picture myself as dating. Not because I'm bi or anything, but because we just click well. We work together. I believe that love and sexual attraction are not linking factors, they merely overlap.

Modern culture and the mainstream introduction of Judeo-Christian values in the world has made guy/guy emotional growth awkward and stunted. There has been some breakthrough in the terms of the dept and closeness of male-male relationship, as shown by the above three shows.

I remember watching somewhere that British Soldiers and sailors used to be very 'camp' with each other. Not gay though, just really touchy, arm in arm with each other, walking about together. But after the trial of Oscar Wilde for being gay, suddenly, the soldiers became so frightened of being trialed gay that they stopped all contact.

Perhaps that's where it started.

 

[Rashiminos]

I'm not sure camaraderie counts, although it might be a step in the right direction.

 

[Perfection]

I had one once.


I miss Fifty.

 

[Hygro]

Short answer Narz: yeah. Having a best male friend > having an awesome girlfriend.

 

[Dreadnought]

I think, connotatively speaking, a soulmate would have to be of the opposite sex, due to the eventual sexual intercourse- marriage - childbirth chain of events. To be a bit fantastic, you could say that it was destined that you'd be of the opposite sex.

In practice, though, I think you can have very close friends of the same sex. And relationships are just friendships with some added perks and responsibilities, after all.

 

[Rashiminos]

I think, connotatively speaking, a soulmate would have to be of the opposite sex, due to the eventual sexual intercourse- marriage - childbirth chain of events. To be a bit fantastic, you could say that it was destined that you'd be of the opposite sex.

In practice, though, I think you can have very close friends of the same sex. And relationships are just friendships with some added perks and responsibilities, after all.

As I was trying to express in a previous post, I don't think the method of giving birth is a sufficient requirement in a relationship between soulwhatevers. More ordinary relationships can involve sex without protection or with faulty protection, and the reluctant parents decide to shoulder the accidental responsibility together. Other ordinary relationships feature pairings and offspring, and then these relationships end (or continue on in a tenuous fashion replete with all manner of slights). Less ordinary relationships can involve some manner of coercion, and in other cases, the pair fails to mate, or chooses not to mate.

Connotatively speaking, a relationship involving soulwhatevers implies a lifelong commitment and some exclusivity (death is not grounds for seeking a new partner who would not replace the lost soulwhatever in any case))

 

[GenMarshall]

I'd rather have a soulmate who is a female. I cannot fantom a male/male soulmate, just to sqicky for me.

 

[MobBoss]

What about a non-human soulmate? Like a dog or something?

 

[Rashiminos]

We'd have to establish that both humans and dogs have souls to be matched in such a way.

 

[ParkCungHee]

Yes.

 

[Tarquelne]

I'm pretty sure the answer to the question will depend on how "soulmate" is defined. After that it'd probably be pretty clear.

(If there was a smilie that was so terrifyingly imbued with threat and dread that viewers had to avert their gaze, and that smilie meant "DEFINE YOUR TERMS!", I would use it. I would use it a lot.)

I can't help thinking having a good, close male friend who inspired me who I could draw strength from & give strength to would serve me more than any female soulmate who'd rub me on the back & say "baby it'll be ok" (Wu-Tang!).

I think having a good, close friend who inspires you and you can draw strength from & give strength to - of either sex - is the important thing. There's no reason a female "soulmate" would necessarily be limited to rubbing your back.

But individuals of a gender to *tend* to react in certain ways. If most girls give back rubs then a guy who doesn't need that will be more likely to find a male soulmate than a female one... so the odds of the "soulmate" being a male or female will vary from person to person.

I suspect in our culture most of us have been raised with some major intimacy blockers against same-sex bonds of that kind.

I think that's very true. Not only is more emotional (at least) intimacy encouraged with ones mate, but all sorts of intimacy might ride the coat-tails of physical intimacy.

Perhaps it's even evolutionary though I doubt it (having powerful male-male alliances would seem to be a trait that would be favored).

(I doubt it's hardwired... but I'd actually suspect the opposite if it is: I don't see an evolutionary advantage to subordinating any other relationships to a male-male alliance.)

For some reason such bonds seem far less popular to discuss than male-female bonds.

If it wasn't for machismo it'd be much harder for men to be both highly insecure AND aggressive jerks. (I don't really want to address evolutionary behaviorism, but that sounds like a survival trait to me. For the species, not for the individual. It's self-sacrifice for dummies.)

 

[Rashiminos]

(If there was a smilie that was so terrifyingly imbued with threat and dread that viewers had to avert their gaze, and that smilie meant "DEFINE YOUR TERMS!", I would use it. I would use it a lot.)

I doubt such a gesture would be effective. There are several concerns involved: Knowledge of what actual or metaphorical construct is being referred to by "soul," The desire (or lack thereof) to know about either type, and that some may not even be concerned about the topic due to a lack of the required parts. In short, physicalists may now vomit into their bags in reaction to the display before them. Most everyone else has a less clear idea of what that term would mean.

I think having a good, close friend who inspires you and you can draw strength from & give strength to - of either sex - is the important thing. There's no reason a female "soulmate" would necessarily be limited to rubbing your back.

Rubbing each other's backs and giving each other strength seems a bit too common.

But individuals of a gender to *tend* to react in certain ways. If most girls give back rubs then a guy who doesn't need that will be more likely to find a male soulmate than a female one... so the odds of the "soulmate" being a male or female will vary from person to person.

Which leads us to the question of: what do we need from a soulmate? Is that the whole story? (Giving might be involved.)

I think that's very true. Not only is more emotional (at least) intimacy encouraged with ones mate, but all sorts of intimacy might ride the coat-tails of physical intimacy.

I'm not a fan of this idea. Things done for physical excitement are not necessarily healthy activities, and I suspect from things like failed marriages that subordinating relationships to any sort to physical desires is a source of complications. Think about drugs as an example. If soulmate is a meaningful term, than physical intimacy may be a relatively minor part of such an relationship as you can have sex with practically anyone.

 

[Tarquelne]

"soul," The desire (or lack thereof) to know about either type, and that some may not even be concerned about the topic due to a lack of the required parts. In short, physicalists may now vomit into their bags in reaction to the display before them. Most everyone else has a less clear idea of what that term would mean.

I don't think what a "soul" is is really very important. But what *is* a soulmate? Just a really, really good friend? Is sex and/or love a necessary part of being a "soulmate?"

Rubbing each other's backs and giving each other strength seems a bit too common.

How common are soulmates? Can you have more than one? Does a soulmate need to do something for you no one else can?

Which leads us to the question of: what do we need from a soulmate? Is that the whole story? (Giving might be involved.)

Sure! That's a good one. If only we had a definition...

And note we don't really all need to agree to one. Just an understanding of what the person asking the question means by "soulmate."

I'm not a fan of this idea.

I'm not presenting it as something that's good, should be encouraged (or discouraged), or is even necessarily directly related to the question of soulmates. (Nor was I speaking about excitement.) I just think it's true: Physical intimacy makes other forms easier. Not all the time, not very everyone. But much of the time and for many.

 

[Rashiminos]

I don't think what a "soul" is is really very important. But what *is* a soulmate? Just a really, really good friend? Is sex and/or love a necessary part of being a "soulmate?"
...
Sure! That's a good one. If only we had a definition...

And note we don't really all need to agree to one. Just an understanding of what the person asking the question means by "soulmate."

If only one were not trying to do end-runs around one of the rootwords. Part of the question involves what a soulmate actually is..

How common are soulmates? Can you have more than one? Does a soulmate need to do something for you no one else can?

The phrase "the one and only" comes to mind.

I'm not presenting it as something that's good, should be encouraged (or discouraged), or is even necessarily directly related to the question of soulmates. (Nor was I speaking about excitement.) I just think it's true: Physical intimacy makes other forms easier. Not all the time, not very everyone. But much of the time and for many.

I'm not sure those other forms will remain real when the hangover occurs.

 

[Skwink]

Me and a my close friends are like that. Really close and brolike, but none of us are gay. You know how the saying goes.

 

[Boundless]

Definitely, me and my best friend just...click is the wrong word, but there are definitely some people in your life who are made to be there forever, and I suppose that's how I define soul-mate, someone who comes along and doesn't leave.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

Probably. I know me and some of my friends are really alike in a lot of ways, and are always on the same side as each other in most arguments. Doesn't mean we're gay

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Well my soulmate is a beautiful female and it's been totally platonic for 21 years ( I'm straight)