After some lazy s%#*(%&@^$%( decided to change my orders, without proper authority, that b$^@*$@, I went on with this pizza s^%$! I'd already completed the mission, and wasn't itchin' to not tell you.
First thing I did was go around and SCREAM at everyone. The Helpful Loading Screen told me to do it! "Press [C] to center camera on the active unit." Everyone else hopped to, 'cept for these lay-zee b^#%$@&s!
Turns out that their effin' belligerence was sooo funny, that word got to that A$$(^@* Cyrus. Another jerk ranked US third in power!
Bismarck thought he should show us his latest toy. Our warriors told him to go back to that two-bit W^$&#, Catherine.
The Barbs thought that they'd join in...
But we beat 'em once...
'afore having to retreat. Stupid bears decided that they wouldn't move, a warrior dyin', just dyin' for effin' arr'n'argh, but we got 'em back in the end.
Guy's learned effin' guerilla moves now. On the eco-gnomic front, we've gotta get some more bases out there... I stuck our MALINESE

Flags in the soil, we just gotta claim 'em. Started building a settlah, but told the guys to go grab spears as the barbs attacked.
Check out this new map we got. MALIFEST DESTINY!
And it's time for my break. Goin' boatin' tomorrow, in some not-so-s&%^$ waters. You know how that song goes:
If you need me call me...
No interferin' wit arr-and-arr, though!
SGT. Zalson, out!
Incoming Message This is sentry HeadupmyA$$. We've got bogeys *crackle* -orth and east of *crackle* -rappy city *crackle* ArghArghArgh!