Cap'n Bloody Joe the Thirsty sailed into Adamame early one morning. By afternoon, half the city was in flames and not a single gold filling remained in the mouths of the town citizens.
By the end of the week, Bloody Joe had pillaged every city in Chaos and constructed himself a throne of golden fillings.
"Yar! This here country be mine by right. Follow me orders an' no one gits hurt. Unless I feels like it. Like right now..."
1690AD (Turn 0): Sure enough, culture, culture everywhere. How repulsive. Production reassigned:
Butterfly -> National Epic (7 turns) WHIPPED FOR 5 POP!
Theory -> Capapult (1 turn) WHIPPED FOR SPITE (& 1 POP)!
Chaos -> Aqueduct (13 turns) WILL BE WHIPPED JUST YOU WATCH ME!
English Setter -> Horse Archer (? turns) WHIPPED LIKE...HORSES!
Adamame -> Catapult (2 turns) WHIP-PED! AND WHIP-PED GOOD! (1 POP)
Straussburg -> Harbor (7 turns) THEM FOLKS IS TREMBLIN' IN FEAR O' THE WHIP!
Hangzhou -> Pikeman (6 turns) ONE POP WHIPPED FOR SLACKIN'!
Yangzhou -> Walls (5 turns) ONE POP WHIPPED AND FORCED INTO BRICK-LIKE SHAPES!
At the same time, all them auto-governer things were turned off and workers where put wherever I felt they should be. In other words, whatever gave me the most GOLD! That meant no town went unworked. No luxury went unharvested. And merchants were hired all around. Yarr!!!
Iron ain't hooked up no more, but workers are on the way.
We's at war with Cathy, but there ain't nothin' threatenin' us just yet. We goes askin' for a cease fire, but she wants Straussburg to do it. HAR HAR HAR! What a wench.
We gots LOTS of catapults.
IBT: A pikeman defends Hangzhou against Cathy's knight.
1695AD (Turn 1): National Epic done in Butterfly, spearman next (2 turns). Catapult done in Theory, spearman next (1 turn). Horse archer done in English Setter, spearman next (3 turns). Catapult in Adamame, spearman next (2 turns). Pikeman done in Hangzhou, barracks next (10 turns). Walls done in Yangzhou, barracks next (4 turns).
Formed up a small army of one samurai, one pikeman, and two catapults.
We try getting Qin to stop "trading" with Cathy so she can't sent forces down to Hangzhou. No luck. Oh, and he has Gunpowder.
... By Davey Jones. We DO have a spy! I gets a cunning plan. We're going to take out Cathy's iron.
IBT: Copernicus born in Butterfly... He can "help" us with Education, or become a Great Scientist. We does neither and throws the egghead in the brig (in Butterfly). YAR!
1700AD (Turn 2): Spearman in Theory, another next (12 turns).
Horse archer pillages Cathy's iron! Our spy wants 200 gold to do the same down south. Our treasure sits at 177 pieces of eight with 4 comin' in per turn. We dump research to 20% so we gets 39 per turn. YAR!
An army (3 samurai, 3 catapults) forms up in Chaos and is sent Cathy's way.
IBT: Knights cross into our territory. Gibbon says we're #5 in the world's largest civilizations. We vow to keel haul the scurvy rat. Oh, and Mao declares war on Victoria.
1705AD (Turn 3): Spearman done in Butterfly, horse archer next (3 turns). Spearman in Adamame, horse archer next (4 turns).
NOW we can pays our lurvly spy to burn Cathy's last iron.
IBT: Musket men kill our horse archer in Cathy's vinyard and her invading knight destroys a hamlet.
1710AD (Turn 4): Our second horse archer is sent in for revenge and are gunned down like dogs.
Our army from Theory lays to on Cathy's knight. Our catapults do very little (we lose two and two retreat after causing damage). Our spearman finishes them off.
Our army near Straussburg lays seige to Novosibirsk.
Iron gets hooked back up. YARRR!!!
IBT: Liz comes by asking us to cancel our deals with them "vile Mongolians". We're good friends, so... OK. we stop sending Pigs to Genghis. Harrapan was captured and razed by the Russians. Bi Sheng born in Chengdu. And Dublai declares war on Vicky.
1715 (Turn 5): Barracks in Yangzhou, theatre next (17 turns). Novosibirsk gets a taste of our catapults! Down to 12% defense. But what's this? TWO GRENADIERS? GAR!
Cathy still wants Straussburg for peace.
IBT: These hammer hammer (worker) ambushed one of Cathy's knights.
1720AD (Turn 6): Banking comes in. YAR! MORE GOLD! We wants that gunpowder next (35 turns at 20% science). We goes ahead and switches to Merchantilism.
Catapults (5 now) give Novosibirsk another broadside and reduce its defences to naught. Our bloodthirst must be quenched! CHARGE!
Catapults first. Then samurai.
Lost: 1 catapult, 2 samurai
Destroyed: 2 grenadiers, fortified in a city, on a hill.
YAR! We pillage 102 GOLD from Novosibirsk!!! And we burn it TO THE GROUND!
IBT: These Sandles (worker) ambused by a knight near Hangzhou. In Hangzhou, Ugg (longbowman) destroyed by an attacking musketman. Our army from Theory is attacked and we lose a samurai, a pikeman, and a catapult to two Russian grenadiers and a longbowman.
Genghis makes peace with Vicky.
1725AD (Turn 7): The last catapult in the Theory army smashes itself into Cathy's attackers and is destroyed. The other armies, having destroyed Novo, consolidate on the hill.
And having pillage hundreds of dubloons, BloodyJoe the Thirsty sails into the sunset.
You didn't
