Light. It is a precious thing, light. You do not know how precious it is until you are deprived of it. You think you know what darkness is, but you dont. Always Sol has given you a help, his sister, Lun[1], the great heroes of the past who burn brightly in the sky[2], or the smaller lights, the ones us mere mortals make in a broken imitation of the great Light.
And yet when you are deprived of light, truly deprived of it, for the first time you truly appreciate Sol. Before, you may worship Sol, but it is a cultural worship, you worship because the people around you worship. You worship, because, as a citizen of Lux, it is your duty to worship.
I remember the first time I truly worshipped Sol. It was during my trials. I had been a member of the Whites for a some time by this point.[3] I had distinguished myself in some minor campaign, a skirmish really, to fight off some raiding barbarians (May Sol never shine on them!). The leader of that particular sortie was Niti, a warrior of the Solaris Order, of some renown. It was his core of Solarians which won the battle, as they outflanked and destroyed the enemy. My own part was minor, having only done what was my duty. Niti saw something, however, some promise within me, and so sponsored me, allowing me the privilege of joining the Solaris Order.
There were, and are, other orders of course, but for the military man, there is no other order. The Solarians are the epitome of what every worshiper of Sol sought to be, terrible, yet kind, brave, yet tender, strong, yet humble. I suppose that paradise is where naught but Solarians reside, for they would make it such by their presence.
But merely being sponsored by a Solarian is not enough. There are certain tasks, certain trials, used to judge not only the strength of your body, but the strength of your spirit. One such trial is the Cave.
The Cave, I found out much later, is beneath a chapel, one of the ones owned by the Order, and thus private. At the rear of this chapel, are some steps. I found this out later, as I said, for at the time I was blindfolded. I was led down these steps and taken on a winding path, turning this way and that, until I had long since lost any sense of direction. I was then told to count to one hundred and take the blindfold off. By the sounds of fading footsteps, I assume that I was left. I was given no instructions on how to complete this particular trial, I was just
left.
And so, dutifully, I counted, and when I finished counted I took of the blindfold. Only to reveal, nothing. I do not mean nothing, as in I was in an empty room, I mean nothing as in I could literally see nothing. My hands flew to my face, did I still have the blindfold on? Was I blind? My callous hands met my eyes, briefly clawing at them before wildly, almost uncontrollably going in front of me, groping for something, anything to touch.
And then my panic groping touched something rough, something cool to the touch, it was rock, and it was then that I realized I was in a cave, a cave so dark that I knew not whether I had my eyes opened or closed. I screamed. I had to, I needed something, anything to connect me to the outside world. I needed, nay I craved, some sensory data, something, anything to prove to myself that I was still alive, that there was still an outside world.
Later, much later, I have had the opportunity to see others face this same trial. It is a deceptively easy sounding trial, find your way out of the cave. And, if you have light, it is an extremely easy trial. You see, when they continuously turned me, it confused me, making me think that I was in some giant labyrinth. The truth was, even if one had the bad luck to pick every dead-end path, one would still complete the task in a relatively short time. The longest I had ever seen someone complete the task in was six hours by a particularly unlucky, and directionally challenged, chap who spent the first four hours going in circles.
You see, it is not the finding your way that is the challenge, it is dealing with the darkness that is the challenge. For those who have never taken the challenge it may sound absurd. And yet I can say, with utmost authority, that it is one of the hardest things a Solarian has to do. Compared to it, being in battle is a merry jaunt through the countryside. For you see, it is not a physical test, oh how I wish it were, it is a mental, perhaps even spiritual test. For in that cave, there are only two things, yourself and your fears.
Even in the telling it seems almost ridiculous. Whats the harm in a little darkness? That is spoken like someone who has never faced the dark, real dark, devoid of even the slightest light. The darkness presses on you like an oppressive blanket. Your breathing becomes heavy as the darkness claws at your throat, seeking to strangle you. It is not air you breath, it is blackness. And in that void, your fears become enfleshed. At the slightest sound, you whirl, wishing you had a weapon, some strange, unspoken instinct within you wanting to face your nightmare, even if you cannot see it.
I have seen many face this trial. I have seen men, mighty men, scarred from many battles, broken by the darkness. We have come upon them, later, much later, sitting by themselves, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth. I have seen men driven temporarily insane by the darkness, even fighting us when we have come to take him back into the light.
The demons I faced down there are my own. Each man, coming out, does not speak of what they have faced. Oh, I can describe what happened on the physical plane. As I have said, we wandered in the darkness. But that drab description I have given does not do the trial justice. It would be akin to calling our race, merely animals. It may be, in some base level true, yet it is a truth that becomes a falsehood for it conceals a greater truth.
And so, as I said, I faced my own demons, and I conquered. My brothers who have faced what I have faced know what that means. For the rest, I dare not try to describe something so personal, so sacred. My halting words would be naught but a profanity. This was, as I said, the time when I first began to worship, truly worship, Sol. When a man faces the darkness, true darkness (and I am here not merely talking about the physical darkness I had faced), and that man has conquered, he is changed. I say that not in a boastful way, as though I think myself better than others because of it. When you have faced what we have faced, we have passed through petty vanity, puffing ourselves up, as if I am greater than the Order or the ones the Order serves. Instead, I relate it as a fact of nature, as if I were relating how a certain man is shorter than me and another taller. And in the conquering, you understand, in some shadowy way, why the conquering was necessary. You understand, having met the darkness unflinching, why it must always be met in this way, no matter where it occurs or what form it takes. That is the mission, that is the burden of the Order. That is why I am a Solarian. This is who I am.
[1] The moon
[2] The stars, Sol religion teaches that great heroes are taken at death by Sol to another plane, the heavens where they continue to fight the darkness, another, different front in this cosmic war.
[3] Whites, so named because of the color of their cloaks, the backbone of the Lux army and the lowest of the military orders. Usually other, higher military orders require one to be a White before joining their order.