# Don't ever, ever talk to anyone in a public toilet.
# It will always take you longer to do things than you estimate, even when taking this fact into account.
# Time heals all wounds, but sometimes leaves a scar.
# Women are always late for everything.
# Never underestimate the power of stupidity in large armies.
# Experience is no substitute for intelligence.
# Intelligence is no substitute for hard work.
# Hard work is no substitute for blinding luck.
# There's no such thing as a free lunch.
# There's nothing wrong with MSG.
# American football is actually quite entertaining.
# Nobody can ever drink as much as they claim to.
# World of Warcraft is the most powerful contraceptive known to mankind.
# World of Warcraft is the most addictive substance known to mankind.
# World of Warcraft atrophies both muscle and brain mass simultaneously.
# People respond to incentives.
# The tooth fairy is actually my mother, and is married to Father Christmas.
# The Beatles wrote 4 good songs.
# If it was possible to have ignored the problem, then ignoring it has made it go away.
# Nobody really knows what will make them happy.
# Good things come to those who wait... eventually -- if you wait around long enough anything can happen. The longer you wait the more likely it is something will happen during that time.
# Playing the guitar won't necessarily make you popular.
# Respect your elders because they have nothing left to look forward to but your respect.
# Naughty elephants squirt water.
# 90% of everything is crap.
# You run faster with a knife.
# Margaret Thatcher is not for turning.
# He who laughs last laughs alone.
# Everybody lies.
# He who shouts loudest probably has a small willy.
# Things that are supposed to cause blindness very rarely cause blindness.
# Everything either causes or prevents cancer.
# Everything either causes or prevents terrorism.
# All women like shoes.
# Professional athleticism is the only socially acceptable form of homoerotic entertainment.
# Quitting smoking is easy; not starting again is much harder.
# Science will eventually explain everything.
# There's nothing wrong with sugar-free coke.
# Externalities are always overpriced in left-wing governments and underpriced in right-wing governments.
# Don't ever play a game with someone who claims not to care about winning; they will either get bored and mess up the game, or are smug self-satisfied gits.
# Everything in London is about 30 minutes away.
# If you stare at the sun too long it starts turning blue.
# The only thing more painful than child-birth is child death.
# It's better to take Monday off than Friday.
# Never ask anyone if they have a case of the Mondays.
# Never tell anyone to calm down.
# Never tell anyone to cheer up.
# The universe is unfathomably big. There is no way you can possibly comprehend its vast expanse. And perhaps most remarkable of all, it's mostly empty.
# Evolution is unquestionably true.
# All religions are wrong.
# Water does not go down the drain the other direction in the southern hemisphere.
# If it's not in Wikipedia it isn't worth knowing.
# Sometimes you can do everything right and still end up losing -- and vice versa.
# Like buses, trouble always comes in trees.
# The "real world" is just as juvenile as school or university.
# People who claim to have attended the "university of life" or the "school of hard knocks" are insecure about and compensating for the fact that they didn't receive or weren't intelligent enough to receive a university education.
# If a member of the government claims that "the fundamentals of the economy are sound", they are wrong.
# Most junior politicians are well meaning.
# The glass is both half full and half empty.
# Starchy foods have lots of calories but very little fat.
# Most people aren't consistent enough in their behaviour for labels to be applicable.
# Beware false positives.
# Beware prior probability.
# Never attribute to wilful intent what can adequately be explained by luck.
# Turning it off and on again works for the vast majority of technological problems.
# Sometimes things just go wrong.
# The law is a decent proxy for morality in cases not important enough for you to have given much thought yet.
# Peanut butter and jam sandwiches taste good and provide a lot of calories.
# The end is not nigh.
# Things never look so bad in the morning, unless you were drunk the night before.
# Women often struggle to open jars and bottles.
# If you hold a door open for someone several steps behind, they will hurry.
# Receipts are recyclable.
# The tastiest sandwich is the New York Deli Pastrami sandwich.
# Both mustard and mayonnaise go really well with chips.
# All women like food.
# Banks are amazing.
# Never be rude to call centre staff.
# Never sit to the left of a left-handed person in school.
# Cotton buds cost less than a penny each.
# Comparative advantage is misunderstood by almost everybody.
# Quantum mechanics is misunderstood by almost everybody.
# Relativity is misunderstood by almost everybody.
# Never answer the telephone.
# Always carry with you a pen, paper, and a calculator.
# There is not a single good reason to be bored when a wealth of information on any subject imaginable can be found with a 5-second google or wiki search.
# Percentages are different to Percentage points.
# The disutility of losing an object is perceived to be greater than the utility of acquiring the same object.
# Language can be incredibly powerful.
# No problem has ever been solved with a run-on sentence.
# Everyone is weird.
# Sometimes, change is good; other times, change is bad.
# Calendars are very useful.
# Britain does, in fact, have a written constitution.
# Goggles do nothing
# The train from Epsom to Waterloo during morning rush hour is always 5 minutes late
# The Daily Mail is trash.
# Some art is good.
# The only songs worth writing contain only 3 chords: I, IV and V.
# Sunsets are beautiful.
# Bananas are the perfect snack.
# August is a slow news month.
# Most stock market "experts" have a lower success rate than random guessing.
# Liquorice is not made from liquor and rice.
# The BBC News website is amazing.
# If your boss or a girl asks your opinion, always find out what their opinion is, and agree with it.
# Sometimes, respect is deserved without question.
# If you align yourself with self-serving people, they can often be manipulated to serve you instead.
# Compromise suggests a loss for both sides; make sure you can afford your loss.
# When a woman tells you about their problems, she’s seeking sympathy; when a man does it, he’s seeking solutions.
# A predictable, well-worn path to success may be boring, but will still guarantee success.
# Interviewers want to hire you, otherwise you wouldn’t be sat in front of them.
# Sometimes, it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.
# You’re the only person in the room that cares if you can dance, so do it anyway.
# It’s quite possible for the majority to be above average, if the distribution is skewed and average is taken to be the mean.
# Knowledge is never, ever, useless.
# If you’re trying to impress a girl, don’t be rude to the waiter.
# If you lend someone £20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
# There are two ways of winning an argument with a woman, and neither of them works.
# No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
# Never test the depth of water with both feet.
# Simplicity is the height of sophistication.
# If all else fails, reverse the shield polarity.
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