Democratic Convention Schedule

[EQandcivfanatic]

This is a funny joke i got via e-mail, felt the patriotic duty to post it on these forums.

2004 DNC Convention Schedule

2004 DNC Convention Official Program

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:00pm - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples)
9:30pm - * Intermission *
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony (threesomes, mixed and same sex).
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00pm - Nomination of democratic candidate.

Moderator Action: Warned, trolling; particularly since you first posted in in the OT. - XIII
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[IglooDame]

What, NAMBLA can't make it this year?

 

[KaNick]

Originally posted by EQandcivfanatic
This is a funny joke i got via e-mail, felt the anti-patriotic duty to post it on these forums.

I fixed that for you, no need to thank me.

 

[Pontiuth Pilate]

And he got it by email. Just goes to show you, doesn't it? And there we were thinking the Enlarge Your Penis people were scraping the bottom of the barrel.

 

[SeleucusNicator]

The funniest part of this for me is the last item: the nomination occuring at midnight.

It might seem less funny now, but in the 1980's and 70's the Democratic Party had a HUGE problem with having badly organized conventions where the nominee wouldn't get to speak until about 12 or 1 AM, by which time nobody was watching it on TV anymore.

 

[The Yankee]

They forgot to schedule the part where everyone goes "Jihad!" with the Black Power salute! How dare them!

 

[h4ppy]

:lamo:

 

[Civvin]

And the fair and balanced response....

Republican National Convention

Tentative Convention Schedule

2004 RNC OFFICIAL PROGRAM:

6:00pm - Opening Saudi flag waving ceremony accompanied by selections from Wagner, and an exciting prayer off between Jerry Fallwell and Pat Robertson. Cheer loud for your favorite prayer to the Almighty!

6:30pm – Workshop "How to be a chickenhawk" Hosted by the VP with special session from the CinC! Delegates are encouraged to bring a pen and paper as we discuss 10 exciting strategies designed to smear real heroes. In addition, learn winning techniques to avoid service to your country and get paid doing so!

6:40pm – Saudi Prince Bandar proposes a toast.

6:50pm - John Ashcroft will address the convention on the theme: "Destroying the Constitution to Preserve Freedom". All delegates will want to be in their seats for this moving topic.

7:00pm - Tribute theme to the “Separate but Equal” South. Please have your Confederate flags ready to show your love of your 'heritage'. (wink wink)

7:10pm - Collect offerings for Eric Rudolph Defense Fund.

7:25pm - Tribute to Saudi Arabia.

7:45pm - Moment of silence for Strom Thurmond. (Tribute by Trent Lott)

8:25pm - Saudi King Fahd proposes a toast.

8:30pm – Corporate corruption workshop (Hosted by Ken Lay). Free copies of Ken's new book, "How to rip off America", will be given out to the first 100 in attendance, get there early!

9:00pm - Gay bashing ceremony. We still need volunteers!

9:30pm - * Intermission *

10:00pm - Saudi flag waving ceremony No. 2. (raised on 50 foot oil well rig)

10:15pm - Tribute to President Bush and his guard service. We still need some props for this event, please email us if you can bring a six pack of beer and volleyball. Note: No actual military hardware is required. Thank you!

10:30pm - The Honorable Anton Scalia will address the assembled delegates on 'Why my Vote Counts' and address the dangers of freedom in the post 9/11 era.

10:40pm – Rush Limbaugh talks about the War on Drugs and the need to control abuse of prescription drugs by our youth. An as yet unamed guest speaker from the CIA will discuss exciting investment opportunities in Afghan pharmaceuticals!

10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to Saudi Arabia.

11:00pm – Tribute to the beating and killing of Matthew Shepard. Please have your 'Fags will burn in hell' signs at the ready!

11:15PM - Maximizing government rip-offs workshop. Learn how to turn the worlds suffering in to cold hard cash. (Hosted by Halliburton and the Carlyle Group).

11:30pm – Clarence Thomas will address the delegates on the exciting possibility of making the Bible our 28th Amendment to the Constitution.

11:45PM – George W. Bush formally accepts the nomination of the party for President. Bush will also formally acknowledge his appointment by the Almighty as God's Tool on Earth.

12:00pm – Closing ceremonies. As you are exiting please be sure to tread upon one of the many copies of the Constitution we will have strategically placed upon the convention floor.

 

[h4ppy]

Try being more conceise.

 

[EQandcivfanatic]

lol Civvin, that's a good one too. It makes me glad i'm a Nationalist and not a Republican or Democrat.

 

[Civvin]

Originally posted by h4ppy
Try being more conceise.

Aww, I had a feeling you wouldn't like my version.

 

[KaNick]

Originally posted by Civvin
Aww, I had a feeling you wouldn't like my version.

 

[h4ppy]

Originally posted by Civvin
Aww, I had a feeling you wouldn't like my version.

Simply pointing out that it was too long, several parts were hilarious, particularly the last one.

 

[Zwelgje]

@ Civvin
You forgot the final ceremony: torching the crosses.

 

[DBear]

Thank you leftists, for once again proving that you have no sense of humor.

 

[Pontiuth Pilate]

Who can't take a joke about putting Donald Rumsfeld in his place - six feet under?

 

[newfangle]

They're both good.

 

[The Yankee]

Originally posted by DBear
Thank you leftists, for once again proving that you have no sense of humor.

You should probably have about two more Teddy Kennedy toasts there....

Perhaps a before ceremony function would be my thought of parading in the streets, yelling "Jihad to America!" while flashing the Black Power salute while wearing buttons with the good ol' Hammer & Sickle, with signs calling for a worldwide Jihadi Communist revolution sponsored by NAMBLA and Fidel Castro.

 

[Knight-Dragon]

Moderator Action: Moved to Humor.

 

[Sims2789]

Originally posted by EQandcivfanatic
This is a funny joke i got via e-mail, felt the patriotic duty to post it on these forums.

2004 DNC Convention Schedule

2004 DNC Convention Official Program

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:00pm - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples)
9:30pm - * Intermission *
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony (threesomes, mixed and same sex).
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00pm - Nomination of democratic candidate.

The flags that we will burn will be of the Confederate variety, as we know it will offend W since he has donated money to many pro-Confederate groups. And at 10:10 pm we will also do a re-enactment of Bush going AWOL. And the secular prayers will be at 6:10 pm, not 6:00 pm, as if it were at 6, it would be in conflict with our flag-burning ceremony. Oh, and we decided not to hold a "Free Saddam" pep ralley. Instead, we're holding and "Anti-Imperialist Ralley."

P.S. You have been reported to the mods.