Der Comrade: A Communist Penguinadua Story

[Grandmaster]

OOC: Agreed, let's stick to the fun stuff. I spent all of DG2 writing long, rambling, cinematically-visible stories of epic battles and glorious warfare. Now I'm ready for Les Mis-meets-Monty Python.

Grandmastorius: People of the revolution! Listen to me! Stop ecky-ecky-eckying for one moment. The government is opressing us! With tanks! And doughnuts! And badly written rescues! (OOC: No offense, Rik. ) We must fight back! I say we go to Tyvek! And once there, we build a giant statue of a peanut! And from that peanut will fly the flag of a new nation, with Tyvek as its capital! And we will call that nation the UUASR (Union of Unwillingly Annexed Supposed Republics)! This nation will be run by the people.... or, better yet, a madman with an interesting mustache who pretends to look out for the people! Who's with me?!

The crowd erupts into applause and a show of support ensues, followed by a short song-and-dance number and a high-budget pyrotechnics show.

CivGeneral: Well, look at that, they've increased our budget...

Marx: Hmm.... I didn't plan on this. I was just tired of having to pick arms and legs out of sewing machines... oh well, I'll go along with it.

Grandmastorius: Form up behind me! We're going to march on Tyvek!

Cheers.

Mara Jade: Wait, what's that sounds....

Suddenly, a group of horsemen burst through the door, carrying rifles, evil rabits, and a comfy chair.

Mara Jade: It's the White Fanaticans! I didn't expect them!

White Fanatican: Nobody expects the White Fanaticans! We are counter-revolutionaries, and we are here to stop you! Quickly, find the leader and put him in the... comfy chair!

What will become of the revolution now? Will Grandmastorius's plan for a new nation work? Will Marx succomb to the comfy chair? And who is the man with the interesting mustache who will pretend to represent the people? Is it Grandmastorius's Uncle Joe?

 

[Stuck_as_a_Mac]

Marx: No! Not the White Fanaticans! Ack! They have in possession the comfy chair! Who will join in their crusade? No one knows! People, be strong and stand with me. Now, we must put up some sort of barricade to keep them from advancing! The Peanut may not be enough... We need something stronger.
Marx pulls a worn looking amulet out from around his neck.
I call upon the spirits of Alpha and Sir SaaM the Reedy!
Suddenly, a white light glows out of the amulet. From it, comes a beacon
Workers of the World... Unite!!
In a very pricey, wonderfully animated bit, the workers surrounding Marx are sucked into the light. Marx grows. He is no longer a man, he is a machine. He is MarxTronCCCP 2.0. With his titanium body and singularity core, he has the ability to fire missiles off his back, has nuclear vision and kevlar tanks for feet. He is ready to crush the world!

Suddenly...
RPG Police: Stop, stop... Right, then. This is the RPG Police. We are here to stop this sudden storyline bit. You are breaking the Code For Reasonable RPG Use on the following accounts
1) Use of a dead religion. Spiritualism died many thousand years ago.
2) Use of a dead RPG. We all know that Sir SaaM the Reedy, as with all Sir SaaMs, was Fanatikan.
3) Use of real life. There is no, repeat, is no CCCP in Fanatica.
4) Our budget does not permit this high priced animation. Please stop using your G5 for rendering.
6) Use of another game. Singularity is the top weapon of SMAC. Not Civ3.
7) And of course, breaking of tech rule. Please tune down this machine.
Marx: Grrrr.... redo...
And Marx pulled back the sheet to reveal a big giant peanut with a gun turret on it.
Happy now?
RPG: Yes. That should be all... We will be going now. Ta!
Exit RPG Police Stage Left!
Okay. Now, Whose gonna mount the turret while I sit in the comfy chair and twirl my mustache?

 

[Grandmaster]

The revolutionaries argue who will take the turret, as the White Fanaticans (aka Belofanaticans) sit and watch, entertained by the bumbling workers.

Grandmastorius: Enough! Stop arguing! We have to work together to defeat these counter-revolutionaries! You there, random worker, get in the turret and aim at the White Fanatican leader. CivGeneral, Mara Jade, you guys stand over there and district them. Uncle Joe, you.... just wait until later.

Stalin: Grr.... one day you'll count trees for writing me out of this scene. Plus, I won't buy your son's school fundraisers any more!

Grandmastorius: Sit down, Uncle Joe. This isn't your scene.

Suddenly, the glass of the factory window rains down on the assembled crowd and a figure, clad in black, lands on the factory floor.

Grandmastorius: Look, it's former Halliburton executive, current US Vice-President, and bionic man Dick Cheney!

Disclaimer: As part of his retirement deal with Halliburton Co., Dick Cheney is allowed to appear in one chapter of one novel per year.

CivGeneral: Hey, look, a distraction!

The White Fanaticans look in the direction that CivGeneral points, and Dick Cheney tosses the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at them. It explodes, wiping out the counter-revolutionary forces.

Marx: Thank you, Dick Cheney! Even though you are an evil capitalist, you have done well!

Dick Cheney: Don't thank me, thank the Halliburton Company of Texas. They provide heat and energy to millions of people in the southwest. It's all in a day's work for us. Bionic man, away!

With that, Dick Cheney flew out of the broken window and into the sunset.[i/]

The counter-revolution has failed. What will happen next?

 

[Octavian X]

Suddenly, the old man from scene 24 appeared!

Old man: For you to leave this factory, you must answer me these questions 3!

Director: Sorry to tell you, but they're all dead. Weren't you there for the completely useless plot twist?

Old man: What is you name?

Director: Well, it's Dave. Where the hell have you been? The story's over.

Old man: What is your quest?

Director: Well, it WAS to make a good story, until Dick Cheny decided to show up. Damn contracts...

Old man: What is your favorite color?

Director. Green. Look, will you cut with the acting? Or, is it yellLLLLLLLLLLOW!

The old man cackles as the director is tossed into the conviently placed Gorge of Eternal Peril. What is next?

 

[Stuck_as_a_Mac]

Out of no where, there is a rally
Marx: Our labor built these wonders! Our blood is the motar! Our bones the bricks! These are not testaments to the will of those with money, its the will of the people! We lost over 20 habbadashers making that giant metal hat! Will we stand for it?

The crowd is quite

Thats your cue to say, "No!", people....

People: [ b ]"No! [ / b ]

Marx, after seeing the tags butchered, just shakes his head....
Marx: Just grab your torch and pitchforks... Lets head back for NoShoRet!
As Marx crosses the Bridge Over The Gore of Eternal Peril, from the sky comes a figure...
Pesant One: Its a bird!
Pesant Two: Its a plane
RPG Police: Thats ahead of the rules....
Pesant Two: Its a DiVinci inspired Flying Device!
RPG Police: Thank you!
Pesant Three: Its a man making millions in shady contracts with former companies he was once CEO of!
Voice: No! Its Dick Cheny!!
Pesant Three: And the difference is....?

Marx: Waaait a minute! Wasnt Dick Cheny only allowed one book apearance?

Voice: Oh yea! Gotta Go!

With that, Dick Cheny flees. Marx is at the other side of the Gorge. Will any of the peasants be stupid enough to fall in? Find out in one of our next installments!

 

[Grandmaster]

One by one the peasants cross the bridge. Only a handful of them fall in, and most of those only because a prankster had thrown a handfull of quarters over the side of the bridge.

Marx: Come, my teaming mass of peasants! Let us march on Noshuret! I feel a song coming on!

Peasant: Not again.... I'm tired of singing! Can't we be an interpretive dancing revolution instead of a singing one?

Grandmastorius: Now who's ever heard of an interpetive dancing revolution? There are dancing shoes, and dancing feet, and dancing flames, and even singing cowboys, but there are no interpretive dancing revolutions.

Peasant: Help! Help! I'm being opressed! He won't let me do my interpretive dance!

Grandmastorius: Quiet, quiet, they'll think I'm a bourgeousie...

Peasant: Did you hear that? He's a bourgeousie!

Marx: What?

Grandmastorius: No I'm not! Stop that!

Peasant: There he goes, opressing me again!

Grandmastorius: Shut up!

Marx: Quiet, both of you!

Uncle Joe: Yeah, pipe down, I can't hear myself plot!

Grandmastorius: It's still not your scene, Uncle Joe.

Uncle Joe: Damned imperialist pig...

What will become of this? Is Grandmastorius really a bourgeousie? And will they break out into an interpretive dance number? Find out in our next installment!

 

[Octavian X]

Meanwhile, somewhere else in Fanatica...

Octavian XCVII: Mmmm... Doughnuts....

What's next for our heroes?