Farts

[Gooblah]

Three minutes solid? Or three minutes of installments?

Installments, the longest of which was prolly 1:30. Kinda scary, but for whatever reason the soy/mass of veggies combo in the sub set me off. Maybe it was the cheese? I still have a bit of lactose intolerance left over from when I was a baby...

 

[scherbchen]

I...

wha'...

how...

I refuse to believe 90 secs. you can only convince me with a youtube video, sir! you have been challenged!

 

[eastsidebagel]

I refuse to believe 90 secs. you can only convince me with a youtube video, sir! you have been challenged!

And you would seriously be watching that? Sir, I'm very reluctant to the wasting of your precious life time by watching those despicable videos!

 

[scherbchen]

heck I'd watch that! it'd be a feat of human accomplishment! better than most of the other youtube videos to boot...

 

[eastsidebagel]

heck I'd watch that! it'd be a feat of human accomplishment! better than most of the other youtube videos to boot...

Stuff like this always gets top ratings on YouTube. With viewers like yourself, I can finally understand why that's the case!

 

[Gooblah]

I...

wha'...

how...

I refuse to believe 90 secs. you can only convince me with a youtube video, sir! you have been challenged!

To be fair, rate of flow was low (I was prolly considerably constipated during the ordeal), and it hurt like HELL coming out (as in, hot, spicy, and burning). In a normal situation, that volume of gas would be out in 10 secs.

And no, I'm not going to post myself doing that on youtube, considering a) I don't have an account, b) I don't film my farts, and c) I doubt I can recreate the situation.

 

[scherbchen]

well that post made me laugh just as well

I conclude: farts are indeed funny.

 

[GoodGame]

Enjoy some pro-biotic bacteria, you stinkers!

 

[Death_Machine]

Beans, beans they're good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.

Beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot, the more you toot the better you feel so best to have beans at every meal!

On a personal note, my ass is a disaster area. Gas shortage? Not here.

I was on a business trip to Cincinnati & on the last night a bunch of us went out drinking. So there I am in a packed bathroom waiting my turn to piss with my teeth floating & my eyes yellow.......... all of a sudden I let loose with an epic fart. It was particularly foul. If I would have been at home I would have wiped my ass just to make sure. It was silent but violent. As the rotten egg stench filled the bathroom like a gas cloud in a concentration camp shower, some guys started . .. .. .. .. .ing as I bit down on the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing. The best part was when some guy said, "you know that was some nasty MF'r who did that after he pissed & left it for us to smell."

 

[Zelig]

I still have a bit of lactose intolerance left over from when I was a baby...

Huh?

Lactose tolerance goes the other way.

All babies are tolerant to lactose.

When they get older, they lose the tolerence.

Except for mutants of European descent, who keep their tolerance.

 

[Gooblah]

Huh?

Lactose tolerance goes the other way.

All babies are tolerant to lactose.

When they get older, they lose the tolerence.

Except for mutants of European descent, who keep their tolerance.

I was somewhat lactose intolerance (hives). Not major or anything. No ice cream, cheese, milk, just formula. Kinda weird.

 

[dannyshenanigan]

Here is a little movie I made on the topic http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090415173734106.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Thanks for posting. Learned something interesting today.

Do you 'fess up to your farts?

If I have to.

Ever light one?

No.

 

[Adrogans]

I burped so loud once it shook the house and my parents woke up swearing we had an earthquake (it was a small house).

But I've never had an epic fart, just normal ones. I've never lit one either.

 

[RedRalph]

We do fart. We don't poop.

Unless there's a pumkin handy eh Luce?

 

[LucyDuke]

Unless there's a pumkin handy eh Luce?

Special circumstances. Burritos are required.

 

[Neomega]

I have a technique. I can be gassy, in bed with a girl, and blow tons of wind without her knowing. I hold my breath, tighten my stomach, and release tiny amounts spaced out according to the level of potential odoriferous aggravation.

I have also been known to go to an empty public bathroom in school, when suffering a day of roiling guts, in a stall, and stand on my head to release a large amount of gas faster. It works! I figure it gets the gas to rise easier, and toward the exit, as opposed to sitting down, which relies more on which particular bubbles are able to exit.
Also, bouncing up and down a bit and rubbing jiggling my stomach helps free up the uncomfortable bubbles.

 

[Pokurcz]

One of my fondest memories from childhood, and one that I oddly remember very clearly, is from sixt grade when my class was visiting some place, with everybody cramped in to a rather small room, and I tried to let go of a silent one and walk away from it. In stead it was a very prolonged one, but still completely silent, that got released as I walked around the group of my classmates in the middle of the room, effectively caging them in a stinky hell. There was a short pause before the stench hit them when I could watch their unknowing faces as I pondered my deed.

Of coars I denied it then, but now I admit.

 

[damnation]

This thread reminds me of spanish in 5th grade. Every single lesson one of my friends farted, and it drove the teacher crazy. He sprayed smelly stuff around our table before and after we sat down, and even went as far as saying that whoever farts gets sent to the principle.

 

[Mowque]

3 pages? really?