They most certainly were not. They have often been portrayed this way, even before Tolkien, but Tolkien himself was strongly opposed to it. He insisted that male eves were very masculine, and females very feminine. Tolkien was know to get angry at those who tried to portray elven men as effeminate in any way. The fact that the men were also considered fair and beautiful does not mean they looked like women, just very attractive men. They were always very tall, lean, and muscular. They just rarely ever aged beyond being physically the equivalent of human in his early twenties (although depression could age them significantly)
I believe they were described as being even more "manly" in the distant past though, and more similar to humanity in other ways. Whatever traits may be associated with femininity are to be attributed to the wisdom gained through their long lives, or to their apparent youth.