Forcing your beliefs on your children.

[Iggy]

Sorry, another religious thread, however this one need not cause any inter faith debate.

There are many posters with a whole spectrum of personal beliefs.
The question is will you force your children to learn that your beliefs are the "truth" and other faiths / none faiths are wrong?
This question applies to atheists and agnostics as well.

Personally I would like my children to study religion as a school subject, yet not be pushed in any one direction. They could come to their own conclusions.
I consider it wrong for me to regularly instruct my kids that "there is no God" and equally wrong to take them to regular worshipping ceremonies to brainwash them into believing in God.

So, do you let them study religions in order that they can make an educated decision or indoctrinate them to your way of thinking?

 

[King Alexander]

Yep, why not let them study religions while they also read (simple)scientific and literature books? They could easily understand the fairy tales of the Bible or Qu-ran.
As a kid, I was influenced by both from my family/relatives and I was reading whatever book came into my hands: I really have read A LOT of books.
Nowadays, I read books not so often, but whenever I have time, I finish a book inside 2-3 days maximum(well, it could take me a little more for pure philosophical books if they have many pages).

 

[TheTruth]

Yes. I have thought this way for years now. I say let them be his or her own individual. Let them make the choice. Because at the end of all of this (life) we all die alone. So one can only answer for ones self and not their child. If believing is wrong or if not believing is wrong I sure would like it to my decision and not my parents. Hell, what do my parents know to be absulute anyway when they are only doing what they were taught and so on down the family line.

 

[luiz]

Why focus on religion?
There are plenty of beliefs that parents usually force/teach/indoctrinate their children with. Socialim, conservatism, libertarianism, etc.

Ideally all children should be as free as possible from influence to make a rational chice. But that's simply impossible, as parents will always talk and discuss with their children, and influence them heavily.

As for religion, I think it's natural that parents will baptise their babies and etc. They believe they are saving/protecting/whatever his soul, looking for the best interest of the children. As long as there's no actual harm/potential harm caused(like circumcision), I see no problem.

 

[Iggy]

Why focus on religion?
There are plenty of beliefs that parents usually force/teach/indoctrinate their children with. Socialim, conservatism, libertarianism, etc.

I would not force/teach/indoctrinate my political views on my children. They would be aware of what I felt and probably influenced until they reach the age of mental independence; but I would not take them to political tub thumping sessions and ask them to pledge their support.

As for religion, I think it's natural that parents will baptise their babies and etc. They believe they are saving/protecting/whatever his soul, looking for the best interest of the children. As long as there's no actual harm/potential harm caused(like circumcision), I see no problem.

As you know some religions involve circumcision as part of the ritual and the believers of said religions would disagree with you.
I believe it is in the best interests of my children not to believe in a god; however I do not want them to be indoctrinated to the point where they claim they have "faith" in not believing in a god. Perhaps I have too much respect for the rights of individual freedoms and choices for young minds.

 

[Sanaz]

I think it is impossible not to force your beliefs on your children at a young age. You are pretty much the source of all information for them, you control where they live and who they see. It's a pretty big responsibility, and makes you reevaluate your own beliefs. When they are old enough to form more of their own opinions of the world, I'm not sure there is anything a parent can do to this. Hopefully I'm not a closed minded fool setting my children up for a shock when they get to the world and are unprepared for life.

 

[WillJ]

When (if) I have kids, I'll do my best to let them make up their own minds about things, not just religion, but political stances, etc..

As others have said, it's inevitable that I'll influence them, especially when they're young, but I won't indoctrinate them.

Not that it matters with religion all that much. I mean, how many people are raised in non-religious households and turn religious?

 

[luiz]

I would not force/teach/indoctrinate my political views on my children. They would be aware of what I felt and probably influenced until they reach the age of mental independence; but I would not take them to political tub thumping sessions and ask them to pledge their support.

I too wouldn't force, but the result is pretty much the same.
Your children will hear you talk about politics with your wife or friends, and since at young age they assume the father is always right, they will soon consider your POV the correct one. Only at an older age they'll be able to make a critical reflection about your beliefs. It's the same thing with religion.

As you know some religions involve circumcision as part of the ritual and the believers of said religions would disagree with you.
I believe it is in the best interests of my children not to believe in a god; however I do not want them to be indoctrinated to the point where they claim they have "faith" in not believing in a god. Perhaps I have too much respect for the rights of individual freedoms and choices for young minds.

My father is catholic. He baptised me, tought me about the religion and etc. But he never forced me to go to the mass or to pray. That's exactly what I could expect from a father, now that I can critically reflect about his
behaviour.

As for circumcision, I believe it's different issue, as there is a permanent change in the body. Baptism is merely simbolic, it can be ignored. Circumcision no, and as such I have no problems with youg children beign baptised, but I have with them beign circumcised.

 

[BassDude726]

While I wasn't brought up religiously, I think there are some benefits to "forcing" your beliefs on your children.
I think it's good for children to have some sort of cultural identity other than that which society assigns to them through mass pop culture indoctrination. Religion can also have the effect of cementing extended family bonds, which is something that American culture is severely lacking these days. There are downsides too, though. Like having your knuckles beaten with a ruler.

 

[Iggy]

@luiz. Fair reply, however would you therefore say it is right for all parents to teach their children to believe as they do (your none mutilation clause noted)? IE Be it none practising Christian, Christian fundamentalist, Satanist, Atheist, Agnostic etc?

Religion can also have the effect of cementing extended family bonds, which is something that American culture is severely lacking these days.

It can also lead to communities suffering hate and intollerance, for example in my country, (the UK) the tensions between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland.

 

[FredLC]

I don't want to do that. If it was for me, this theme would be dealt passively in my lair - only answering what they ask, never bring it up. But my fianceé, a devout catholic as well as the likely mother of my future kids, does not accept that anyone interfere with her teaching of catholicism to them. She wants an offspring of devouts as well as her, and she would go berserk if I even intended to forbid her to go spend some time in the catholic church.

Anyway, I am so impartial on the theme that I told her that I'll allow her to teach'em that, if I have no choice. But than, I'll take my times with the kids as well - not to teach them that she is wrong, but to teach them at least two or three other religions, as well as agnoticism and atheism.

I'll very much enjoy if my kids ever become free-thinkers such as me; nevertheless, I won't force them to that. I'll only make sure that, when they make their decisions, they make informed ones.

Regards .

 

[luiz]

@luiz. Fair reply, however would you therefore say it is right for all parents to teach their children to believe as they do (your none mutilation clause noted)? IE Be it none practising Christian, Christian fundamentalist, Satanist, Atheist, Agnostic etc?

As long as they don't teach children to despise other religions, and as long as the parents keep an open-minded posture, I'm fine with it.

The problem with fundamentalism is that it usually implies hatred/despise for others. But that is true both for religious fundamentalists and political ones.

For exemple, I think it's OK for a father to explain to his children why he's an atheist. But to teach the children to hate religion and to consider all religious people as dumb sheep is wrong and harmful, IMO. A similar version is valid for religious parents.

 

[CenturionV]

As long as they don't teach children to despise other religions, and as long as the parents keep an open-minded posture, I'm fine with it.

The problem with fundamentalism is that it usually implies hatred/despise for others. But that is true both for religious fundamentalists and political ones.

For exemple, I think it's OK for a father to explain to his children why he's an atheist. But to teach the children to hate religion and to consider all religious people as dumb sheep is wrong and harmful, IMO. A similar version is valid for religious parents.

I see, so you believe its ok to force tolerationism on your children? Many people seem to not want to "brainwash" there kids, the truth is, as a child we were all brainwashed, even if our parents taught us nothing, then our teachers at school, or even our friends or the TV we watched brainwashed us. assuming I have kids, I'm going to teach them the truth as I see it after all they are MY kids, I created them, the least I should be able to do is to teach them what I believe true, when they grow up and leave, if they choose to follow a different religion, or none at all so be it.

Also I don't believe in hiding others beliefs, if my kids want to know who the muslims are I will tell them, from my religious perspective of course.

 

[IglooDame]

Does taking your children out to the range when they are of suitable maturity to learn the basics of firearm safety and operation count as forcing your beliefs on them?

 

[Iggy]

Good post Fred. Your position is similar to mine, although my fianceé believes in a christian god but she is not a church goer.

Good Liuz. But, it is one thing explaining why you have a belief (or lack of) and another thing making the child taking part and publically chanting the mantras of that belief. Imagine if there was a regular atheist Sunday morning meeting where everybody had to sing or recite something possitive about the theory of evolution, the big bang theory and being respectful of the planet (ie not an anti god message, more a pro atheist message). Personally I would not want my child indoctrinated, can you see where I am coming from or do I just sound like a complete fruit loop to you?

 

[IglooDame]

I see, so you believe its ok to force tolerationism on your children? Many people seem to not want to "brainwash" there kids, the truth is, as a child we were all brainwashed, even if our parents taught us nothing, then our teachers at school, or even our friends or the TV we watched brainwashed us. assuming I have kids, I'm going to teach them the truth as I see it after all they are MY kids, I created them, the least I should be able to do is to teach them what I believe true, when they grow up and leave, if they choose to follow a different religion, or none at all so be it.

Also I don't believe in hiding others beliefs, if my kids want to know who the muslims are I will tell them, from my religious perspective of course.

Indeed. If we teach our children open-mindedness and how to think for themselves, they will do far better (no matter what religious/political leaning we beat into them early on) than if we avoid 'brainwashing' them but at the same time fail to show them how to develop their own convictions.

 

[Iggy]

Does taking your children out to the range when they are of suitable maturity to learn the basics of firearm safety and operation count as forcing your beliefs on them?

You and your guns! Of course not, it is no different to taking them to the park and playing soccer in the context of this thread.

 

[newfangle]

I will constantly question any conclusion my kid reaches, and I will only give him my own opinion if he/she asks for it.

 

[IglooDame]

I will constantly question any conclusion my kid reaches, and I will only give him my own opinion if he/she asks for it.

The only improvement I can think of on that would be to introduce them to CFC OT as soon as they're old enough to type.

 

[Iggy]

I will constantly question any conclusion my kid reaches, and I will only give him my own opinion if he/she asks for it.

Good post.

However it could go like this:
Newfangle Jr: "Dad I think I should get a rise in pocket money"
Newfangle: "Why do you think that son?"
Newfangle Jr: "Because I saw something on TV about inflation. Go on Dad, what your opinion?"
Newfangle: "My opinion is.... go ask your Mom"