Picard: Computer, start Capital's Log, Stardate 43526.2, no 6.3 errr 6.4? Computer - what is the stardate?
Computer: 43526.1
Picard: Ah - insert correct stardate. We proceed on our scientific mission studying the nature of heavenly bodies. We are currently …
Computer: Ereeeeeeeeeee … we are pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty are we …
Picard: Bridge - report!
…
Picard: Bridge!
(Picard exits his ready room and enters the Bridge)
Picard: Report!
Worf: Sir, we are experiencing computer related issues.
Picard: Any news from Geordi?
Worf: Communication is currently unreliable.
Picard: No 1 - get down to Engineering and find out what is going on.
Riker: Yes Sir …
(mumbles under his breath) …
I must remember to talk to the captain, I am getting sick of being called No 1 … after all, that is reserved for kids when they go to the toilet … some kids laughted at me the other day when the Captain called me No 1 … I'm sure he knows exactly what is going on with "No 1" and does it deliberatly … at lease I am not No 2!
(Riker exits bridge)
Picard: counselor - are you feeling ok?
Troi: I sense a great presence is awakening.
(more singing can be heard coming up the turbo lift shaft and then on the main screen …
Main Screen said:
Turn 125 (250 AD)
Earth begins: Granary
Epsilon begins: Warrior
IBT:
Turn 126 (275 AD)
Tech learned: Literature
Earth grows: 8
IBT:
Turn 127 (300 AD)
Research begun: Iron Working
IBT:
Turn 128 (325 AD)
Earth finishes: Granary
IBT:
Buddhism has spread: Yekaterinburg (Russian Empire)
Turn 129 (350 AD)
Earth begins: The Great Library
Ruff_Hi: Monty declares on Peter
IBT:
Judaism has spread: St. Petersburg (Russian Empire)
Turn 130 (375 AD)
IBT:
Turn 131 (400 AD)
Epsilon grows: 3
IBT:
Taoism founded in a distant land
Picard: What is that gibberish?
Data: (Head to one side) Gibberish. Defined: Unintelligent talking. Etymology - a word in common usage during the late 1900s meaning talk that sounds real but has no actual meaning. Captain - you have used a word that refers to talking while the screen is showning written material …
Picard: Data!
Data: (head snaps straight) Yes Captain.
(Data looks down at his concole and starts hitting keys) Captain, it appears to be a message from … from the main computer, Sir.
(Beveley Crusher enters the Bridge - wolf whistles can be heard in the background)
Crusher: Captain, the communication system is out and … oh, you are getting the same messages here.
Picard: Yes Doctor.
Troi: Ohhhhhhhhhhh
Crusher: Is she ok?
Picard: Just having a personal moment.
Crusher: Ahhhhhh, ok. I have to report that we are missing some medical nanites. Also, I saw Wesley with a worried look on this face as he was running around the arbaretum with a nanite container.
Picard: WESLEY!
Crusher: Jean-Luc, careful or no more MILF for you.
Picard: Hmmmf, yes, quite!
(Riker, Geordi and Wesley enter the bridge)
Riker: Captain, it seems that young Wesley's science experiment has escaped.
(Picard looks at Wesley, then looks meaningfully at the Main Screen)
Main Screen said:
Turn 132 (425 AD)
Ruff_Hi: Taoism founded IADL
Mars finishes: Settler
Epsilon finishes: Warrior
IBT:
Turn 133 (450 AD)
Mars begins: Barracks
Tech learned: Iron Working
IBT:
Turn 134 (475 AD)
Research begun: Mathematics
IBT:
Turn 135 (500 AD)
Mars begins: Work Boat
Earth grows: 9
IBT:
Wesley: Ahhh Captain. Ummm, I don't know what to say. I had put the lid to the nanite container on very securely … but somehow it came off.
Picard: We will deal with you later. But for right now, what are our options?
Q: Jean-Luc, leave the boy alone.
(massive cheers from off stage erupt with the arrival of Q which Q acknowledges with a slight wave and nod of his head)
Picard: Q! Is this your doing?
Q: Of course - all the good episodes involve me!
Geordi: Captain … I've analysed the main screen and the computer appears to be playing a game from our entertainment section … Civilization MXXIV.
Data: Civilization! A single or multiple player game invented in the late 1900s with the development of the personal computer. Players managed a civilization from 4000BC to 2050AD. How can one person live for 6000 years?
Troi: #5 is alive! Its alive!
Computer: Judaism has been founded in a far away country.
Bill Oddie: (rushing on screen from the
Goodies set next door) I'd gone got religion! I'd gone got religion!
Main Screen said:
Turn 136 (520 AD)
Madrid founded
Usha Minor begins: Granary
IBT:
Turn 137 (540 AD)
Ruff_Hi: Monty - OB again! No.
IBT:
Turn 138 (560 AD)
Ruff_Hi: Peter - OB? No
Judaism has spread: Usha Minor - wasn't me - did it automatically
IBT:
While defending, NX-01 (Galley) defeats (0.48/2): Barbarian Galley at 68.1 percent.
Turn 139 (580 AD)
Ruff_Hi: Peter: AH + 50g for Mono No?
IBT:
Turn 140 (600 AD)
Picard: Q - help me out here.
Q: Sorry Jean-Luc, this is one pickle that you will have to extract yourself from.