Funniest Thing the Computer has Said?

[CyclopCiv]

There is. Take a look in diplomacy.txt in the Text directory of your CivIII installation folder. It contains all the comments that the AI would say to us in the diplomacy screen.

Oddly, I couldn't find the one that says "I shall sacrifice nine virgins in your honor."

Still, there are some hilariously funny comments in there. However, it kinda spoiled me, so I'm just going to warn you: it's much better to just see it in the game. =)

Also, one note: in the bottom of the diplomacy.txt file, you can change the #ANGER_AT_LEVELS of the AI's anger labeling. I changed "furious" to "Majorly PO'ed". I'll update later to see if it works.

UPDATE: yeah it works. The CivIII framework is very flexible for modding. I think I'll become a civIII mod maker.

-Cyc

 

[Suvorov]

Originally posted by Julio
I don't care for sexist wankers who think violence against women is a joking subject. I'm glad most of the Brits I know don't share your sense of humour. Hopefully the UK release of will Civ3 give you something better to do.

Mod: The jokes no longer exist. We've had several complaints, and in retrospect, I should've deleted them a lot earlier.

{edited}

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA ROOFLE OWNED BRIT

I have more... like:

{edited}

AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M GOING TO HELL

Admittedly, my girlfriend doesn't like these jokes, but she's a big party pooper.

GET A SENSE OF HUMOUR

Just you wait till i dig into the paedophile material...

 

[Bmoore]

I had a warrior who was taking too long to cut through some Egyptian territory. The leader told me to get my men out because they were "stealing chickens and bothering the women".

 

[stilicho]

While playing Rome in Ancient times, I received a demand from Chairman Mao ordering me to pay tribute or face the consequences.

I wasn't particularly afraid of him, and refused.

Mao's reply:

"Whoops! Just kidding. Funny joke, eh?"



Cheers,

Stilicho

 

[Malys Faisent]

I parked a nuclear sub (armed) off the coast of an ally...he demanded that I remove it in a polite way...

My option besides going to war was:

"Oh err sorry, they were just conducting ummm routine training missions"

 

[jcalvert]

After turning down a wonderful deal from the Zulu (they offered Advanced Flight for Nuclear Power), he replied...

"Three words: Increase Your Medication."

 

[SouthpawSamurai]

I, too, have seen the 'All your base belong to us' comment when I lost diplomatically to the Aztecs in my first real game (and from what seemed like one deciding vote from the Egyptians who were all but out of the game at that point!

As much as I have grown tired of this bit o' humor, I must admit that I chuckled for a second when I saw it...it's just one of those things that'll be with us for another year or two...until EVERYONE knows about it, not just computer geeks and retrogamers.

I'm glad to see the speeches are modifiable...it'll eventually make scenarios and custom civs easier.

As for anything really funny I've come across, I must say aside from a few mentioned, I haven't really seen anything truly outrageous. My one full game I had allied up with France and Russia for most of the game and rarely talked to anyone else except for when they wanted to pester me for maps or some such.

Jo was always great for her religous tone, especially when in actual alliances with me, but I think my favorite comment was an opening line from Cathy the Great, which she said (paraphrasing) "So, have you come to talk business or just gaze upon my beauty?"

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

Originally posted by Suvorov

What do you tell a woman ...etc

Please refrain from group bashing at Civfanatics. While the line between good natured humor and bashing can be vague, even within just one mind, let alone within a group, your responding to Julio's complaint in this post increases its confrontational content. Civfanatics maintains somewhat tighter standards regarding flaming and group bashing than many gaming sites. We try to maintain a more friendly and collegial atmosphere, and one less confrontational, than others which posters may be used to (Before being drafted in moderatorhood, I was often on the borderline of this policy ).
Also note that this post is very seriously off topic, which is not normaly allowed (except for jokes very much supirior to these), and is even more troublesome currently do to the very high volume of traffic in the civ3 forums. Please stay on topic.
We are also aware that currently posters do not currently have guidelines to work from. They are currently being translated from the old UBB format and revised by Thunderfall, and should be available soon in the FAQ.
Thank you for your attention to these policies.

 

[Mnus]

Ghandi, in the beginning of a discussion,said something like "how would you like to share a nice bowl of vegetarian curry?"

not as good as 'all your base.....', but still made me laugh

 

[Uteno]

Hasn't anyone noticed what happens when you change govs from the advisor screen? They're from the song "So you wanna have a revolution", or whatever its called.... I literally burst out laughing.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

"Sorry Hiawatha, but that dog won't hunt." Abe.

Montezuma said something hilarious but I banged my head while rolling on the floor and cannot remember what it was

 

[Thunderfall]

Every dog...

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

Ol' Monty looks like a broody hen having a dirtbath

 

[JBearIt]

How about when Catherine the Great states:

"Mother Russia Welcomes You. Are you here only to admire my great beauty or is there some other purpose to your visit?"

 

[Judge Dredd]

Paraphrasing Abe Lincoln when I asked him to give me a loan of gold, "Sorry, we are as poor as a blind man in a crooked poker game"

-JD

 

[dreadhead7]

When my Zulu Impi got too close to one of Cleo's cities, she told me to get out, because my troops were "molesting chickens and disturbing women."

 

[The_Newbie]

Elizabeth, refering to our map exchange:
'That pleases me very much. Let's sit down and have a nice cup of tea'

 

[narmox]

for those who want a proof of the "all your base" thing, uncut and commercial-free! or rather, undoctored...

http://www.multimania.com/narmox/civ3/allyourbase.jpg

 

[socrateach]

At the end of my first (space race) victory tonight as the Iroquois, several of the leaders gave me either the "Every Dog Has Its Day" or the "Don't Gloat. Let's Start Over." quote; Queen Elizabeth, however was less civil. She gave me a nice "Congratu-ma-freaking lations!" I am impressed by her slummy language.

 

[narmox]

Originally posted by socrateach
At the end of my first (space race) victory tonight as the Iroquois, several of the leaders gave me either the "Every Dog Has Its Day" or the "Don't Gloat. Let's Start Over." quote; Queen Elizabeth, however was less civil. She gave me a nice "Congratu-ma-freaking lations!" I am impressed by her slummy language.

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

I also like when the AI civs threaten "give us this or that or we'll crush you like a toad", while my foreign advisor up in the right keeps saying "The xxxxxx army fears our knight/musketmen/cavalry/etc"