Funny lines in songs

[aimeeandbeatles]

A.K.A. "Oh no, another Petty thread in disguise!"

I was just thinking that sometimes music can be a bit too serious. And then I was thinking about how Tom Petty was mentioning in an interview about "Baby's a Rock 'N' Roller" (a rather strange song from the second album) being an intentional bubblegum song as he didn't want to be taken too seriously. And then I thought about the lyrics to that song. And then there's the funny line: "She don't wanna be no dental assistant."

So I was thinking this would be a good thread to post those funny lines in songs. If the funny line comes in the middle of a mostly non-funny song some context would be nice.

I'm not going to post any examples for the moment being (I can hear the collective breath of relief) but I'll be back (collective groans).

 

[Huayna Capac357]

In the Björk song, "Hunter," one of the lines goes, "I thought I could organize freedom. How Scandinavian of me!" Maybe it's not funny, but I always laugh a little bit.

Also, lots of Kraftwerk songs have humorous delivery. Like "Pocket Calculator," an entire song about the singer's pocket calculator. "I'm the operator with my pocket calculator!" the singer half-sings, half-speaks. "By pressing down a special key, it plays a little melody!" A little blippy melody plays. It might not sound funny like that, but it sounds really funny in a quirky way when you listen to it.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

"If I'd shot you when I wanted to , I'd be out by now" and " I'll be drinking Christmas dinner alone this year" are a couple of great song titles from the always amusing world of country music.

A mothers warning to her Eskimo son of "Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow" is a great line from a Frank Zappa song.

Waylon Jennings has "I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane"

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

It may be just the way Petty sings it, but the "She's standing in her underwear" line in Mary Jane's Last Dance always seems to make me laugh.

Actually, I thought of another interesting one, although it needs a bit of backstory to explain.

Spoiler don't open if you will complain :

There's a relatively obscure B-side (A-Side was Listen to Her Heart, unless I'm mistaken) called "I Don't Know What To Say To You." You probably wouldnt have heard it if you're a casual fan. Anyways it was one of the earliest Heartbreakers recordings. And it has this funny line in it:
"Road Turkey's in the lobby."
"What the hell is a Road Turkey?" you ask. Well this is a Road Turkey ... Or rather a poster to a show by a band called Road Turkey.

It was a former band of one of the Heartbreakers (Stan Lynch). I'd go into more detail but I don't want to bore people.

 

[Skwink]

In the Björk song, "Hunter," one of the lines goes, "I thought I could organize freedom. How Scandinavian of me!" Maybe it's not funny, but I always laugh a little bit.

Also, lots of Kraftwerk songs have humorous delivery. Like "Pocket Calculator," an entire song about the singer's pocket calculator. "I'm the operator with my pocket calculator!" the singer half-sings, half-speaks. "By pressing down a special key, it plays a little melody!" A little blippy melody plays. It might not sound funny like that, but it sounds really funny in a quirky way when you listen to it.

When I heard the "I am the operator with my pocket calculator", I thought it was "I am the operator with my f-ing calculator".

 

[Ozbenno]

From The Queen Is Dead by The Smiths.

"She said, hey I know you and you cannot sing.
I said, that's nothing you should hear me play piano."

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Country cliches.......

I was drunk the day my Mom got out of prison
So I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station
In the pick up truck
She got run over by the God damn train

David Alan Coe - You never even called me by my name.

 

[_random_]

"If Noah had the benefit of hindsight on his ship, he'd've snatched two unicorns and left behind the <snip> pigs."- Aesop Rock, "Pigs"

 

[Ozbenno]

"If Noah had the benefit of hindsight on his ship, he'd've snatched two unicorns and left behind the <snip> pigs."- Aesop Rock, "Pigs"

That's funny. Except we wouldn't have pork roast.

Another country one, from Jerry Reed.

"They split it right down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, it all sounds sorta funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft."

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Lousiana Red - Sweet Blood Call

It's hard to miss you baby
With my pistol in your mouth
You say you're heading north
But your brains is staying south

 

[azzaman333]

Big deal, did you get in her pants?
She's not that kind of a girl, booger.
Why, does she have a penis?

Datarock - Computer Camp Love

 

[sophie]

Panama Red, Panama Red
He'll steal your woman, then he'll rob your head
Panama Red, Panama Red
On his white horse, Mescalito
He come breezin' through town
I'll bet your woman's up in bed with
ol' Panama Red


The judge don't know when Red's in town
He keeps well hidden underground
But everybody's acting lazy
Falling out and hangin' 'round


My woman said, "Hey Pedro
you're actin' crazy like a clown"
Nobody feels like working
Panama Red is back in town


Panama Red, Panama Red
He'll steal your woman, then he'll rob your head
Panama Red, Panama Red
On his white horse, Mescalito
He come breezin' through town
I'll bet your woman's up in bed with
ol' Panama Red


Everybody's looking out for him
'Cause they know Red satisfies
Little girls love to listen to him
Sing and tell sweet lies


But when things get too confusing, honey
You're better off in bed
And I'll be searching all the joints in town for
Panama Red


Panama Red, Panama Red
He'll steal your woman, then he'll rob your head
Panama Red, Panama Red
On his white horse, Mescalito
He come breezin' through town
I'll bet your woman's up in bed with
ol' Panama Red

Pure comedic gold

(well, right about that time people
A fur-trapper (who was strictly from commercial)
Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo) )
And he started into whippin on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe)

I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
He went whap with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
He hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
That got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be. so I bent down
And I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous
Mitten-ful of the deadly yellow snow

The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!

Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow
Crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous
Circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
To take the place of the mudshark in your mythology
Here it goes,the circular motion, now rub it!

(here fido)

And then
In a fit of anger
I pounced

And I pounced again

Great googly moogly!

I jumped up and down on the chest of the him

I injured
The fur trapper

Well he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so, because the
Deadly yellow snow crystals had
Deprived him of his
Sight

And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said

I can't see
I can't see
Oh, woe is me
I can't see

Well.....you know
I can't see
Nothin

He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
And the husky wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
And I can't see
Temporarily

Well, the fur-trapper stood there, with his arms outstretched across the
Frozen white wasteland, trying to figure out what he was going to do about
His deflicted eyes. and it was at that precise moment that he remembered
And ancient eskimo legend, wherein it is written (on whatever it is that
They write it on up there) that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named
Nanook,
The only way you can get it fixed up is to go

Trudging across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra

Right down to the parish of st. alphonzo

also funny. This song has me rolling.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

That song segue ways straight into St Alphonso's pancake Breakfast

"She abused the sausage patty , and said why don't you treat me mean"

 

[sophie]

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
(water)
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin
(mornin)
By yer radio
(radio!)
Do the walls close in tsuffocate ya
You aint got no friends . . .
An all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been leadin gotta go?
Well, let me straighten you out
About a little russian restaurant I know . . .
(get yer shoes n socks on people, it's right aroun the corner!)

Out through the night
An the whisperin breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases

Out through the night
An the whisperin breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases . . .

Now scientists call this disease bromidrosis
(that's right!)
And well they should
Even napoleon knows that
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of:
Stink foot

Yknow, my python boot is too tight
I couldnt get it off last night
A week went by, an now it's july
I finally got it off
An my girl-friend cry
You got stink foot! stink foot, darlin
Your stink foot puts a hurt on my nose!
Stink foot! stink foot! I aint lyin,
Can you rinse it off, dyou suppose?

Here fido . . . fido . . .
Here fido . . . bring the slippers little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog! yes!
Arf, arf, arf!
[crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump]
Sick . . .

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
We have a song for you about flying saucers
This song is going to be sung for you by george
And the name of the song is inca roads

Damnit...now I have to go listen to all of Apostrophe again.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Damnit...now I have to go listen to all of Apostrophe again.

Just dont post Dynamo Hum

Edit...That's from Overnight Sensation but I see them as a double album

 

[sophie]

Just dont post Dynamo Hum

Edit...That's from Overnight Sensation but I see them as a double album

...damn, that was going to be my next one. Also I have both of those Albums.

 

[Smellincoffee]

"But I can't say that -- because she found an aardvark!"

It's from School House Rock's song on pronouns. It makes sense in context, but still seems to come out of nowhere.

 

[Skwink]

All the lines in Tombstone Blues.

 

[Formaldehyde]

Napoleon XIV: They're coming to take me away

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

Napoleon XIV: I'm In Love With My Little Red Tricycle

Thirty days have Septober
April, June, and Nowonder
All the rest have peanut butter
All except my dear grandmother
She had a little red tricycle
I stole it

Steve Martin: King Tut

He coulda won a Grammy, (king Tut)
Buried in his Jammies, (king Tut)
Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia,
He was born in Arizona, got a condo made of stone-a,
King Tut!

Johnny Cash: Boy named Sue

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Randy Newman: Short People

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
...

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
'Round here

 

[azzaman333]

Last night I dreamt I died alone
And apart from when I lost my virginity I've never been know to frighten easily

The Wombats - Last Night I Dreamt...