Funny Metaphors, Similes, and Other Figures of Speech

[SS-18 ICBM]

Anyone read or hear any funny figures of speech lately? If yes, then post them here.

I thought "his British accent pushing through the static like the fist of an irate English god who had missed tea" was kind of amusing.

 

[Yeekim]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_abe0p86QmVA/RciH3luI_GI/AAAAAAAAADQ/d038IHyNb_o/s1600-h/WoodenSpoon.JPG

 

[Phlegmak]

"In Hollywood they say, there's no business like show business. In Baghdad we say, there's no business like goat business. It makes no sense, but we say it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nizt2oEtHl8

 

[Dumanios]

Lol..

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

That post was about as useful as inorganic sugar.

 

[Earthling]

You gotta be careful - given all the hype over the non-technically termed "organic" food, people might miss what you're saying...

But also, since I still periodically get questions on the topic, to the confusion of some:

Name a species of fish and a medieval melee weapon, and I'll tell you what they represent to Ayn Rand.

Finally, Douglas Adams is one of my favorites for stuff like this, I don't have an exhaustive list on hand, but I always loved:

"The ships hung in the air in much the same way bricks don't"

 

[PhroX]

Someone said this on another forum I frequent:

I'm not some super-smart scientist looking to carefully mix together the right chemicals to achieve the perfect result. I'm more like a 5 year-old with a lollipop in one hand and a stick of dynamite in the other

Thought it was rather amusing.

 

[Camikaze]

Finally, Douglas Adams is one of my favorites for stuff like this, I don't have an exhaustive list on hand, but I always loved:

"The ships hung in the air in much the same way bricks don't"

Got in before me.

"Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters."

 

[!!!!!]

p.o.s. it means parent over shoulder

 

[Dumanios]

"This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It is to be thrown with great force."
—Dorothy Parker

 

[Omni314]

Finally, Douglas Adams is one of my favorites for stuff like this,

yes, that was the quote i thought of as i read the thread title. here's another of his

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying "And another thing…" twenty minutes after admitting he's lost the argument.

 

[Kullervo]

Terry Pratchett's writing's are the equivalent of the Potosi silver mines for outlandish metaphors and similes...

"The landscape bounced up and down like a honeymoon duvet..."
"Prayer is nothing more than hope with a beat to it."

 

[peterb28]

As cold as a brass toilet seat in an Alaskan outdoor s**thouse

It smelt like the toilet brush in a Iranian homeless hostel

 

[Kullervo]

Welcome to CFC.

As logical as a circular firing squad.