Funny Things My Advisor Told Me...

[Octavian X]

Has your advisor told you anything, and you thought "What in the world do you mean?"

My example: During negotiations with the French, they wanted to strike a deal. Long before this talk, I had utterly destroyed Persia. Then, my foreign advisor told me, and I quote, "We know the French betrayed our friends, the Persians.

 

[Reboot]

Were you in alliance/peace/RoP with the Persians before?

 

[Gastric ReFlux]

I was playing a game recently where as soon as I made contact with another civ, I would see what could be negotiated, and then declare war. War against everyone, no peace accepted.

It would be funny to look at the trade advisor screen and be advised "We should acquire more resources and luxuries, and trade with our friends." In that game, I had no friends.

 

[Dinorius R.]

...or the time I'd just wiped out all the other Civs and my Foreign Advisor says "you should make more friends"....

 

[Klasanov]

I don't think he's talking about other civs

Anyway.I've always found it funny that he claims they attacked us before, despite I started the war.

And then he says Persia would love my spices, so I try to give it to him, and so I offer to Xerxes, and he's like "No chance. None. None at all." (Unfortunately Xerxes dead because he refused to give me 6 gold. At least, he will be. I think my tanks outnumber his infantry. Chief Shaka is next after I get modern armor. I tire of him, and he's weak, and I want to take over the world)

 

[Gastric ReFlux]

Yes, things the AI advisors should really say:

Domestic Advisor: Talk to your husband/wife...

Foreign Advisor: There's a world out there. Even you could make a friend.

Trade Advisor: It really is time you take a trip to the store to replace your expired milk.

Science Advisor: You are a backwards college student. Stop skipping class.

 

[Evincar]

Hey, a very funny one:

I was allied with India againts psycho Bismarck. After only three turns of war, my advisor says happily: "India and Germany have signed a peace treaty" Coward Gandhi, I thought. Ok, I'll destroy Germany on my own. I press enter and then the advisor, still very happy, says: "Germany and India have signed a military alliance againts us". :crazyeyes: mmm I thought, is he a betrayer, or he just thinks it will be funny???

Ok, let's go on, I thought. I click enter and guess what: the advisor pops up again and very angrily says "Treacherous India and Evil Germany have declared war on us! They have a millitary alliance to destroy us!" :crazyeyes: WHAT'S UP WITH YOU STUPID FOREIGN ADVISOR?? you told me that 10 seconds ago, and you thought it was great!!! WTF...??

 

[Gastric ReFlux]

I consider Bismark more sociopathic than psychotic.

 

[Jason Fox]

Originally posted by Evincar
Hey, a very funny one:

I was allied with India againts psycho Bismarck. After only three turns of war, my advisor says happily: "India and Germany have signed a peace treaty" Coward Gandhi, I thought. Ok, I'll destroy Germany on my own. I press enter and then the advisor, still very happy, says: "Germany and India have signed a military alliance againts us". :crazyeyes: mmm I thought, is he a betrayer, or he just thinks it will be funny???

Ok, let's go on, I thought. I click enter and guess what: the advisor pops up again and very angrily says "Treacherous India and Evil Germany have declared war on us! They have a millitary alliance to destroy us!" :crazyeyes: WHAT'S UP WITH YOU STUPID FOREIGN ADVISOR?? you told me that 10 seconds ago, and you thought it was great!!! WTF...??

An alliance against you wasn't enough bad news to ruin his day, I guess. It was still just a story on CNN he followed but it didn't interrupt his golf game. (I assume he plays golf 'cause he doesn't use his time thinking up new things to say.)

However war means long days in the office, no more golf and what if you lose the city that sports his favorite course? Legit reasons for anger indeed.

 

[Creepster]

The advisor's are useless. If I could figure out a way to get them on the front line I would. At least then They could act as a bullet sponge.

 

[Klasanov]

I know. My city advisor is always complaining about cities growing too slowly or not at all, or that I need to build more cities (although pretty sage advice I'd say).

Above all else, I want my foreign advisor to commit seppuku. stupid idiot, always claiming they attacked me when I attacked them.

 

[sappling]

My advisor likes to drink beer and insult my looks.

 

[Pembroke]

Come to think of it, maybe you _should_ have some ways to deal with stupid advisors... Of course, wouldn't affect the run of the game in anyway but it would be most satisfying if when the advisor says something totally stupid I could, for example say:

Despotism: "Boil this moron alive!"
Monarchy: "This man does not please Us. Off with his head!"
Republic: "Crucify this idiot!"
Communism: "Comrade Advisor here needs a... mmm... long vacation."
Democracy: "This man ought to... shall we say... disappear."

With the appropriate graphics, of course. Then a new face would appear in the advisor's screen.

Ah, perhaps I just enter the civ game too deeply for my own good.

 

[sabo]

The advisors are clones...

 

[Tweedledum]

Originally posted by Klasanov
I know. My city advisor is always complaining about cities growing too slowly or not at all, or that I need to build more cities (although pretty sage advice I'd say).

The "build more cities" advice is a classic... Like, I've got about 70 already and most of them are corrupted to uselessness.
Better advice would be "Shoot some city governers (pour encourager les autres)"

 

[Pembroke]

Sabo10, I know they are clones. I meant it as an example of entering the role of the ruler. A matter of game enjoyment.

Now, almost surely no-one takes his civ games too seriously (or at least I hope so!), but OTOH one great part of the fun is that your imagination _does_ tend to fill in the holes left by the game AI expanding on all the details and interpreting the computer number crunching as an ongoing story. Like reading a book: letters on a page vs. The Story.

Yes, the German units are just images on the screen with the computer shuffling data with the game algorithms, but no-one plays the game thinking like that. Instead they indeed are the German Army. At least in your mind. And that's what counts.

 

[napoleon526]

Once I accidentally tried to start a revolution after forgetting that I was already in anarchy. My domestic advisor told me, "Uh, sir, we're already in a revolution. Have you taken your medicine today?"

 

[dragon9276]

I know this is an old thread, but I needed to put in my 2 cents after what my domestic advisor said recently. I was Persia, and one of my main enemies was Korea. The advisor said something like:

"Persia will always triumph because Korea is dumb."

I was actually LOL, not just chuckling, for several minutes after I read it.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that one of the main reasons this made me laugh was because it reminded me of a scene in "Spaceballs: the Movie" when Dark Helmet said to Lone Starr, "Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb."

Perhaps the advisor's quote was a sly "Spaceballs" reference?

 

[rychan]

They should allow people to write plugins to change the behavior of the advisors. I'm sure some people come manage to make them really good coaches.

 

[Taliesin]

As far as I've been able to tell, the expression worn by the domestic advisor is almost completely random. Comments like "the citizens of __ are happy" are often made with her ugly frown. Likewise, my foreign advisor usually frowns when informing me that the people of ___ are impressed with my culture. You'd think they'd take the time to make the face match the comment...