GWB Jokes

[test_specimen]

I am sure some thread like this has to exist, but I haven't found it until now. I'm getting loads of George W. Bush jokes in chain mails recently and I need a place to dump them. Also this might provide some fun until that ****** starts a war.

Here's one for a start:

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school and sees one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word "tragedy."

So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush
searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it
certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

 

[test_specimen]

and another one:

Conversation between George W. and his National Security
Advisor, Condolezza Rice

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

 

[Pillager]

Very droll, but, firstly, wrong forum, and, secondly...

Originally posted by test_specimen
Also this might provide some fun until that ****** starts a war.

...is unlikely to be appreciated.

 

[Yoda Power]

am sure some thread like this has to exist, but I haven't found it until now.

Did you check the Humor and Jokes forum

 

[test_specimen]

Originally posted by Yoda Power


Did you check the Humor and Jokes forum

Now that you mention it, i see it. I didn't know there was one. Could someone please move the thread?

 

[test_specimen]

http://www.little-gamers.com/index.php?strip_id=522

 

[sween32]

Originally posted by test_specimen
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Originally posted by test_specimen
Also this might provide some fun until that ****** starts a war.

funniest part of the entire thread!

 

[Darkness]

Funny. Yet, as stated before, in the wrong forum....
And the word "******" is bound to draw some critisism...

 

[test_specimen]

Originally posted by Darkness
Funny. Yet, as stated before, in the wrong forum....
And the word "******" is bound to draw some critisism...

I am very sorry for calling him this.

His official title would off course be "leader of the free world" as propagated by FOXNEWS and CNN.

Which, translated, means "Führer der freien Welt" (just so that all german speaking people know what I mean). No further irony allowed here until this is moved to the jokes forum.

 

[Dell19]

It already has drawn some criticism

 

[puglover]

Hussien is talking peace with Bush in the White House. Hussien presses a button. A giant soccer ball hits Bush in the back of the head. Hussien presses the button again. A giant soccer ball hits Bush in the back of the head. Then he pushes the same button again with the same response. Bush is angry. "Meet me in the UN Building in 10 days!" Bush says. 10 days go by and Hussien and Bush are talking. Bush presses a button. Nothing happens. Bush pushes the button again. Nothing. Bush pushes it again. Again Nothing. Hussien is frustrated with Bush. "I'm going back to Iraq!" Hussien says. "What Iraq?" Bush responds, "I just blew it up with 3 nukes.

 

[Darkness]

Originally posted by test_specimen


I am very sorry for calling him this.

His official title would off course be "leader of the free world" as propagated by FOXNEWS and CNN.

Which, translated, means "Führer der freien Welt" (just so that all german speaking people know what I mean). No further irony allowed here until this is moved to the jokes forum.

Again, bound to draw some critisism...

 

[sween32]

if nobody posted anything controversial, then would you really keep coming back here?

 

[Zcylen]

good joke, but as someone saod, wrong forum.

 

[cromagnon]

Sorry for the cut & paste...
> While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the
Queen. He > asks
> her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround > herself with intelligent people.
>
> He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking
them > the
> right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." >
> She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please
answer this > question:
>
> Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is > not
> your brother or sister. Who is it?" >
> Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." >
> "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs
up and >
> says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" >
> "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" >
> Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the
Chairman of > the
> Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse
Helms > to the
> White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer
a > question
> for me."
>
> "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" "Uhh, your mother has
a > child,
> and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or your > sister. Who is it?"
>
> Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and
get back > to
> you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. >
> Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican
senators, > and
> they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can
come up > with
> an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at
the > State
> Department and explains his problem. >
> "Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father
has a > child,
> and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell > answers
> immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker." >
> Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims,
"I > know the
> answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" >
> And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair." >

 

[cromagnon]

As you can tell, I have friends with nothing better to do than forward these to me.
> > > President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell are sitting in a
> bar.A
> > guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush, Rumsfeld and
> Powell
> > sitting over there?"
> > > Bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
> > > So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What
are
> you
> > guys doing in here?"
> > > Bush says, "We're planning WWIII."
> > > And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
> > > Rumsfeld says, "Well, we're going to kill 25 million Iraqis this
time
> and
> > one bicycle repairman."
> > > The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle
> repairman?"
> > > Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See,
> > smartass? I told you no one would worry about the 25 million
Iraqis."

 

[sween32]

 

[Darkness]

Especially the one with the queen of england....

 

[test_specimen]

Random Quotes:

"We need to stop the exquisite sex and wholesome violence that underscore our children"
--GWB, NPR Public Radio

"The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war!"
--The first Presidential debate

"I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society. ... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked."-Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999

"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

 

[Zwelgje]

The queen of England joke is a classic!
I'd like to share some GWB jokes with you too, but | don't have any...