Perfection
The Great Head.
How many chickens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2
1 to screw in the lightbulb
and 1 to get to the other side
2
1 to screw in the lightbulb
and 1 to get to the other side
How many __________ would it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- Thread starter Illusion13
- Start date
Perhaps a little obscure, but . . .
How many University of Notre Dame students does it take?
5
2 to form an intramural light bulb-changing league, and 3 to sit around watching and getting drunk.
How many Mormons does it take?
7
1 to conduct the music, 2 to give talks about changing light bulbs, 3 to bring refreshments, and 1 to change it.
How many University of Notre Dame students does it take?
5
2 to form an intramural light bulb-changing league, and 3 to sit around watching and getting drunk.
How many Mormons does it take?
7
1 to conduct the music, 2 to give talks about changing light bulbs, 3 to bring refreshments, and 1 to change it.
The Person
Deity +2
How many lawyers does it takes to change a lightbulb?
6
One to sue the company who made the lightbulb for letting it burn out.
One to defend the company.
One to watch the back of the guy changing the lightbulb and to sue him since he doesn't do it fast enough.
One to defend the guy.
One to sue anybody who thinks this is way too much fuss just for changing one stupid lightbulb.
One to sue anybody who laughs at this joke.
6
One to sue the company who made the lightbulb for letting it burn out.
One to defend the company.
One to watch the back of the guy changing the lightbulb and to sue him since he doesn't do it fast enough.
One to defend the guy.
One to sue anybody who thinks this is way too much fuss just for changing one stupid lightbulb.
One to sue anybody who laughs at this joke.
The Person
Deity +2
Longasc, watch out, there's a lawyer around that corner! 
nonconformist
Miserable
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2: 1 to screw it almost all the way in, and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.
2: 1 to screw it almost all the way in, and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Pariah
Outside Influence
How many MicroSoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Bill Gates to give the order,
- 3 or more executives to countersign, copy, lose, redraft and pass on the order,
- a dozen middle managers to figure out which bulb need changing,
- 10 workmen to set up the ladder and accident-cleanup kits, then isolate said bulb and socket from the mains, in accordance with the safety laws,
- 2 corporate lawyers to advise the managers on a possible defence in case the man doing the job is injured and sues MicroSoft,
- a single workman to climb the ladder, unscrew the bulb and install the replacement...
- untold thousands of software engineers to design a utilities-management system which will automatically identify defective lightbulbs anywhere in a giant office block, and secretly feed bulbs excess current to hasten their failure, thereby forcing consumers to buy MORE and MORE bulbs from Bill Gates' new lightbulb manufacturing division.
- Bill Gates to give the order,
- 3 or more executives to countersign, copy, lose, redraft and pass on the order,
- a dozen middle managers to figure out which bulb need changing,
- 10 workmen to set up the ladder and accident-cleanup kits, then isolate said bulb and socket from the mains, in accordance with the safety laws,
- 2 corporate lawyers to advise the managers on a possible defence in case the man doing the job is injured and sues MicroSoft,
- a single workman to climb the ladder, unscrew the bulb and install the replacement...
- untold thousands of software engineers to design a utilities-management system which will automatically identify defective lightbulbs anywhere in a giant office block, and secretly feed bulbs excess current to hasten their failure, thereby forcing consumers to buy MORE and MORE bulbs from Bill Gates' new lightbulb manufacturing division.
The Person
Deity +2
How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to for each.
Two. One to for each.
~Corsair#01~
Deity
How many FBI agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION.
CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION.
PresidentMarcos
Warlord
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2004
- Messages
- 105
Q: How many longtime Civilization players does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he keeps on insisting on one more turn.
A: Only one, but he keeps on insisting on one more turn.
Dreadnought
Deity
How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.
How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ve are asking ze qeestions here!
How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
I'll post some more if I can think of any...
Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.
How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ve are asking ze qeestions here!
How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
I'll post some more if I can think of any...
kulade
Deity
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2003
- Messages
- 4,545
A few thousand lightbulb jokes:
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html
The Omega
Completely Insane
Anymore? They didn't have any to start with.Dreadnought said:
The Person
Deity +2
How many aliens does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to try to figure out how it's done, one breathing the first one in its back make it hurry up, one to abduct anybody who comes too close, and one to protect their flying saucer so that the local kids won't steal it.
Four. One to try to figure out how it's done, one breathing the first one in its back make it hurry up, one to abduct anybody who comes too close, and one to protect their flying saucer so that the local kids won't steal it.
nonconformist
Miserable
kulade said:
hmmmm......eyrei-as in a certain mod?
~Corsair#01~
Deity
Considering it was spelt "eyrie", and not "Eyrei", not likely.
Genocidicbunny
Bug squasher
Yuri2356 said:
Thats so stereotypical. I mean US did nuke Japan and we were afraid that if we won the space race Americans would be sore losers and nuke us.
Yuri2356
Test Screening
stickciv said:
Actually, the 'stealing a bulb' part was taken from a certain 'Soviet' bomber that was actually an American one that was stolen and then perfectly copied. The rudder pedals even still had the name of the original manufacturer on them!
And, of course, the one who dies installing it is a reference to K-19.
* How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb? Thirteen - One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.
* How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.
* How many Boston College students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Seven - one to change the lightbulb and six to throw a party because they didn't screw it in upside down this time.
* How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change the bulb and three to check his math homework.
* How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chair lift back to school, and one to screw it in.
* How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
* How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.
* How many CMU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call MIT to see how they did it, one to screw it in, and one to take the credit.
* How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six - one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
* How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - Hanover doesn't have electricity. OR - Twenty. One to hold the lightbulb in place and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
* How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
* How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
* How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole frat - but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.
* How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.
* How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
* How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
* How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer code that controls the wall switch.
* How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - she calls a Smithie to do it.
* How many NYU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call the NYU technician (who never arrives), one to actually do it, and another to write in the school newspaper decrying NYU bureaucracy.
* How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
* How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one - but he gets six credits for it.
* How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
* How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks.
* How many Santa Clara University students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get press for changing their lightbulbs.
* How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
* How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.
* How many Stanford students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, dude.
How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.
* How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change it and one to say loudly that he did it as good as any Ivy League student.
* How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.
* How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb? Wesleyan's boycotting GE ...you know, military-industrial complex and all that.
* How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole student body - when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.
* How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - New Haven looks better in the dark.
* How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.
* How many Boston College students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Seven - one to change the lightbulb and six to throw a party because they didn't screw it in upside down this time.
* How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change the bulb and three to check his math homework.
* How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chair lift back to school, and one to screw it in.
* How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
* How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.
* How many CMU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call MIT to see how they did it, one to screw it in, and one to take the credit.
* How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six - one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
* How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - Hanover doesn't have electricity. OR - Twenty. One to hold the lightbulb in place and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
* How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
* How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
* How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole frat - but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.
* How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.
* How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
* How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
* How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer code that controls the wall switch.
* How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - she calls a Smithie to do it.
* How many NYU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call the NYU technician (who never arrives), one to actually do it, and another to write in the school newspaper decrying NYU bureaucracy.
* How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
* How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one - but he gets six credits for it.
* How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
* How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks.
* How many Santa Clara University students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get press for changing their lightbulbs.
* How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
* How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.
* How many Stanford students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, dude.
How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.
* How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change it and one to say loudly that he did it as good as any Ivy League student.
* How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.
* How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb? Wesleyan's boycotting GE ...you know, military-industrial complex and all that.
* How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole student body - when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.
* How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - New Haven looks better in the dark.
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