How much is enough when disciplining a child?

[Xanikk999]

Punishment works if it fits the wrong doing.

But spanking does not work on children and DEFINTILY not on older children.
If anything it makes them resent the parent for most of thier childhood is i do my dad.

 

[El_Machinae]

Light spanks work very well on young children. You don't need to hit hard in order to create a negative association.

Spanking an older child should be rather rare, and only reserved for situations where the child deliberately did something they knew to be wrong. You won't be able to correct behaviour by spanking an older child - only prevent that behaviour using a deterrent.

"Time outs" are a great way to get some peace, imho.

 

[Urederra]

A friend of my twin brothers was punished by his father in a quite ingenious way. He used to remove the door of his bedroom. So, he lost intimacy. That was when he was 14-15 yo, BTW.

 

[Tenochtitlan]

I'd rather work on helping my child develop a moral conscience than punish him.

 

[Tenochtitlan]

A friend of my twin brothers was punished by his father in a quite ingenious way. He used to remove the door of his bedroom. So, he lost intimacy. That was when he was 14-15 yo, BTW.

You have a twin brother?
Cool

 

[Urederra]

No, I always fail to explain that, I have twin brothers, but I am not a twin.

I believe Cuivinen (sp?) is a twin.

 

[MobBoss]

If you bruise them you went too far. Spanking is a must, but you cant allow yourself to get carried away with it.

And I am here to tell you spanking does work. But it largely depends on the individual childs character. As in all things, your milage may vary.

 

[El_Machinae]

I'd rather work on helping my child develop a moral conscience than punish him.

When they're 1 year old, that's tough. People can try to sound enlightened, but a few pats on the bum are fine, if they're done gently and with forethought.

 

[Tycoon101]

I voted for the As long as you don't kill him option.

I do believe that corporal punishment is an excellent way to discipline. If my child disrespects me then I have no qualms about making him be sorry.

 

[skadistic]

Physical punishment past 6 is useless and counterproductive. At that point kids realy start useing critical thinking skills. You can teach them why they did someting or you can teach them to hate you, if you spank to long after that your kid will hate you. And bruising is way to far.

 

[Corlindale]

I'm against punishment in most forms. I'd argue that it is possible to bring up a well-behaved child without any form of strict punishment involved(I know I was rather well-behaved...). Of course my parents would speak loudly to me if they got angry/scared about my safety, but generally they sought to explain what I did wrong instead of punishing me, and I think that works a lot better.
And if you can't make your child understand it rationally, I would prefer introducing a reward when the child behaves well, rather than a punishment if it behaves badly.

I am most vehemently opposed to spanking ones children, I can't even make myself understand how someone can bring themselves to do that. Spanking has been completely illegal in Denmark since 1997, and I consider that a really good thing, as I think it is a very outdated and harsh method of disciplining ones children.

 

[Sidhe]

We were very clever children we'd work against each other bad, and sometimes but not the main a spanking was in order, it taught us how to behave properly but it was always a last resort, she'd use much cleverer means of keeping us in line often, she'd force us to our room and then if that didn't work she'd make sure that if we stepped over the 52nd parallel a good spanking was in order. Disciplin for us was a clever parent who knew how to force us into line. It involved all the tortures, mental and physical. Deprivation of our civil liberties was the first step, then mental torture if we failed to fall into line, then a good sharp shock and an early night, we cried but and we thought we'd beat her, but she always had the upper hand. she always had a final ace in the hole though and it was a deprivation of all we held dear, damn it.

 

[Kyriakos]

The "there is no limit as long as you dont kill them" reminds me of a Rowan Atkinson (Blackadder, later Mr. Bean) sketch.
The school-principal invites the parents of a boy to school, because he has an announcement to make.
After a long story he claims that: "(...) so then i administered a severe beating, during which he (the boy) died." He also notes that this is why school would be canceled the following day so that all the children could attend the funeral.

Ofcourse the parents looked shocked, but the principal soon begins to laugh in an eerie way. It turns out that he was only joking, and although the parents find that very strange, at the same time at least they are beginning to feel better since their boy isnt dead!
The principal manages to stop laughing so as to note: "ofcourse i was only joking about that; i would never cancel school on account of that little s*it". (abrupt end of the sketch there, as you can imagine)

However hitting children is no joke. It doesnt have to do with character either, how they would appear to be coping with it. And spanking a kid when it is very young is not a good idea at all, since you might think that it makes an impression on it and so teaches it, but in reality it makes it afraid, and a very young kid (eg 5 years old) will see the hitting parent as a horrifying figure.
If it is the mother this will lead to severe problems later on, due to the 'split image of the mother' issue (ie one part is demonic, another is angelic).

Children do not have to respect their parents, or to love them. It is up to the parent to make himself/herself loved, and if he uses violence then he doesnt deserve any such thing. A parent shouldnt think that because the other person is his/her child they automatically have to respect/love them more than they actually deserve from other people.

 

[Blazer6]

Using my brother and I as an example, spankings and timeouts worked when we were little. Groundings worked up to the teenage years and slaps worked beyond the teenage years. I was a problem child until I was over 13 and still using physical force kept me in line. My brother rarely received any punishment and he ended up doing all sorts of dangerous activities.

 

[.Shane.]

If you bruise them you went too far. Spanking is a must, but you cant allow yourself to get carried away with it.

Its hardly a "must". If it works for you, fine, but its not required or for everyone.

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I would like people to note if they have kids or not in their replies. Once you have kids of your own, your perspective of what's right/wrong in this regard will change substantially, trust me.

/3 kids

 

[MobBoss]

Its hardly a "must". If it works for you, fine, but its not required or for everyone.

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I would like people to note if they have kids or not in their replies. Once you have kids of your own, your perspective of what's right/wrong in this regard will change substantially, trust me.

/3 kids

Not required. But I have seen so many parents that didnt spank their kids watch their kids become totally rotten that I do indeed think "spare the rod, spoil the child" is a good general rule. I agree, not every kid requires it, but you truly limit yourself as a parent if you withhold the "nuclear option".

 

[Raisin Bran]

Spanking is my limit ..... It has been used on me and I intend to use on my kid if I feel it nessary.

All of you that say that punisment dosen't work or that punishing is bad I feel you are wrong.

First I would like to know how many of you have kids.

I call the non-punishment buisness the "Pedago-discipline" (french) In english it would be "Educo-discipline". The whole explain-what-he-did-wrong-and-tell-him-to-be-a-nice-kid thing dosent work. Kids are naturally testing the limits of their world to learn, so they will naturally take advantage of their parents if the parent dosent hold his ground.
Talking to your kid is the best thing to do, but when the kid dosent respect that you need to beef up your discipline. In quebec we call that phenomenon the King-kid The Parents are ashamed to discipline their kids in public in fear of being juged. I say that if your kid does something bad and he's been warned enough, a good'ol spanking is in order.

I was a Iperactive kid and I made my parents sweat a lot .... I had spankings and I don't feel there is not anything bad with that. I would even thank my parents for those spankings because it showed me discipline. I havent spanked my kid yet, because he so darn sweet .... he listens when we ask him to, But when he going to cross the line hes going to have pink cheeks

-My opinion

 

[.Shane.]

Not required. But I have seen so many parents that didnt spank their kids watch their kids become totally rotten that I do indeed think "spare the rod, spoil the child" is a good general rule. I agree, not every kid requires it, but you truly limit yourself as a parent if you withhold the "nuclear option".

I think you're mixing causation and correlation again.

The correlation is, and I agree to an extent, that a lot of parents who do not spank are of that "all punishment is bad" mindset where they think they can reason with a 3 year old.

I think the root cause is the mindset, not the disdain of spanking.

For instance, we don't spank, but I also don't expect to reason through every little thing w/ my kids. Thus, they often get timeouts and what I find to be particularly effective is the loss of a favorite toy or plaything.

 

[Neomega]

big fan of the spank. I was spanked, I don't resent my parents, not in the least.

 

[.Shane.]

big fan of the spank. I was spanked, I don't resent my parents, not in the least.

Yes, but it explains why your IP resolves to a prison library.



I kiid, I kiid