Imperium OffTopicum XIV

[KaiserElectric]

"But it's a FRENCH embassy in MONACO," Magdalene Breiner complained into her mobile phone."Why the hell are we covering it from BERLIN?"

" 'We' aren't covering it from Berlin, honey. YOU are," her boss said sharply. "I don't care how, just use that rack of yours and try to make it look good for everyone watching. Besides, why the hell would I send you to Monaco when I have at least a dozen others who look better on camera?" Breiner's mouth nearly dropped to the ground as her curmudgeonly boss hung up with a click.

"That despicable, loathsome, pig!" she cried out, punctuating the last word chucking her cell phone at the camera crew, who ducked in time for the phone to land in a bush somewhere. " 'Use that rack of mine' indeed. Well this is the last time I use my 'rack' for that old pervert and the rest of this stupid network. He and the rest of the executives can take turns kissing my hairy-"

"Miss?" one of the cameramen interrupted. "Minister Linden just walked out of the Capital."

Breiner spun around to see a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair hurry down the capitol steps. A talented diplomat, Raimund Linden served as the Minister of Foreign Affairs to the Kaiserin and her father for nearly fifteen years. Famed for his skills as a tough negotiator, he was equally famed for his short temper towards the media, a fact that Breiner did not know or did not care about at the given time. Eager to go out on a high note, she all but ran towards the minister, who tactfully ignored her.

"Minister Linden, do you have any comments about the incident-"

"I'm running late," he said tersely. "I suggest you leave me alone."

"But sir!" Breiner protested before the minister elbowed through her and the camera crew, heading for his car. Oblivious to his cold shoulder, Breiner chased after him, jabbing a microphone in his face to pick up his voice.

"Minister Linden, do you have any statement at all about the incident at the French Embassy earlier this morning?"

"You want a statement?" Linden snarled, his face slowly turning red. "Here's a statement: Reporters are obnoxious. Now if you don't mind, stop following me."

"Maybe we should listen," one of the camera wranglers suggested. "He doesn't look very happy to see us."

"Nonsense, if the boss wants a show, I'll give him one!" Breiner insisted. Moving quickly, she quickly jumped in between the Minister and his car, defiantly staring him down. Minister Linden stared back, a vein pulsing dangerously in his forehead.

"What...do...you...want?" he said through clenched teeth.

Breiner proudly shoved the microphone in his face. "Just your thoughts on the French!" she said with false cheer.

"So..." the minister said in a dangerously calm tone. "You want to know what I think of the French?"

"Of course," Breiner said, motioning for the camera crew to start rolling.

"You really want to know..." Minister Linden started, his voice slowly raising in intensity. "What I think of the French?"

---

"I think I'm going to have an aneurysm," Claudia moaned, rubbing her aching temples.

"Good afternoon, Kaiserin," Frederick Gerani said as he entered her office, a manila envelope tucked securely under his arm. Before the door shut, a guard's voice echoed into the office.

"Hey, did you hear what the Global called him? 'Minister Krakatau'."

Claudia made an exasperated sound and slammed her face onto the desk in response.

"I don't think the war against the Russians is going that badly for us," Gerani commented.

"It's not them," Claudia said. "It's Linden and his...outburst."

"Really?" Gerani said, bemusement in his voice. "With everything going on, I'm surprised that's what the news is focused on. How many times did he insult France in that little tirade anyway, five times?"

"Nine," Claudia said morosely. "Insulted women on their own four times, with at least two rape comments and an abortion reference for good measure."

"Someone should give him a medal."

"Damn it Gerani this is NOT funny!" Claudia said. "If the backlash against this gets any worse, I think my head's going to explode. Not to mention I need to find a new Minister of Foreign Affairs once this whole thing dies down. IF it dies down..."

"Madam Kaiserin, I'm sure this won't be on the news for that long. Linden may have been shockingly wrong for the two minutes he vented at that poor girl on the news, but he was right when said that the media loves controversy. Tomorrow they'll find something new to sensationalize about and everyone will forget about Linden's tirade."

"Somehow I'm finding that hard to believe right now," Claudia said. Just then, the phone started ringing. Claudia checked the Caller ID and nearly cried.

"Hiver," she said, sounding resigned to her fate. "I better take this alone. We'll talk later." She answered the phone with fake cheer. "Good evening, Kaiserin Claudia Hapsburg speaking!"

Gerani bowed out just as the yelling started, bumping into the Captain of the Guard just outside. "You might want to wait a bit, Norup, Hiver is chewing the Kaiserin out right now."

"Figures," Hans Norup said, showing a long thin box of chocolates to Frederick. "Just wanted to drop off something for her. Figured she could use it."

"Yeah, she will," Frederick said, looking back at the office door. "Speaking of the Kaiserin, I wanted to talk to you about security measures,"

"Is the situation that bad?" Norup asked.

"No, this is more about Monaco," Frederick explained. "I've seen spec ops missions like the French Embassy incident before, and something doesn't add up."

"What makes you say that?"

"Frankly, from what I've seen, it went too well. No casualties among the STD, and none of the attackers survived to give an account of the incident. It's only speculation at this point, but the whole "attack" reeks of falsehood."

"So it was staged?"

"Probably, but at this point it's impossible to say. Until then, I want you running a tight ship in case STD tries something here. I have a few ideas for security protocol I'd like you to consider as well," Frederick said, pulling a few notes out of his manila folder.

 

[WhiteRobber]

Do we even have 17 active players?

Considering I do not send PMs.......

 

[Robert Can't]

“What do you suppose happened?” Chantal Giroux asked. Cavey gave her a stern look. The two of them were standing out on the veranda looking over a wonderful seascape. A full moon shone down on them. It would be tranquil if not for the air of tension that the two were issuing from one another.

Véronique Cavey was a junior analyst with French Intelligence – Internal Affairs as was Chantal. Cavey was tall and stern looking, especially so now as she was being stern and Chantal was short. “Giroux, we screwed up that’s what happened.” Cavey was in no mood to talk around the subject “France is compromised someone somewhere in our organisation has sold us out and I need to know who and why.”

“The why can’t be that hard can it?” Giroux, always the romanticist replied “She fell in love with a man of course.”

“Men are not always the answer. What if they were in on the operation, what if they helped on the mission that took out Isabel D'Cruz?” Everyone remembered the school shooting, the woman with the sprig of rosemary – especially in the intelligence department. They’d been covering for that operation for a very long time.

Giroux paused in thought “We can’t know for sure...” It was hard to be too worried, the moon over the still waters of the channel made it all far too serene.



“What do you suppose happened?” Jaffar said wistfully, leaning on the concrete wall overlooking the harbour. “It’s still out there somewhere, a ghost ships floating along carrying its deadly cargo and curse.”

Borak stood a short way off. Always the sensible one she was not eager to engage in this discussion of whether or not the rosemary had been haunted and whether or not it was adrift somewhere out at sea. But as a UAR Intelligence Analyst it was currently her job to speculate as to the events that led up to the Rosemary incident. “It doesn’t matter anyway – this new information though, it might have made our careers!”

“Why do you always think about you career first?” Jaffar was her colleague and partner, who had, without asking her, volunteered them for this particular task. “We’ve got the data, filed it and stamped it and it’s off to the Presidents’ offices, there’s nothing else for us to do now that sit back and speculate.”

Borak walked up to the wall where he was standing and joined him leaning on it. “Speculating or not, we were very lucky to get such a high profile assignment. Thanks Jaffar.”

“You’re welcome Borrak, it’s the least I could do for such a good friend.” They turned to look out over the harbour and the sea. The moon shone down gently over the tranquil Red Sea. It was a serene moment.



“What do you suppose happened?” Jennifer Haynes said walking up to Michael Sanford’s crowded desk in the main building of World News!

“What could you possibly mean this time Jennifer?” He asked absently as he continued to sift through notes on various stories that he could be covering in the April issue. He was always one to be looking for a new story – something else to get him noticed as a top quality journalist.

She smiled at him, she was one of the institution’s few War Correspondents meaning she almost always got a good high value story she knew he resented that somewhat from his position as the International Relations correspondent. “I heard there was a story about some leaked French Intelligence to do with the Rosemary?”

“Bah,” he said “no one has anything on it, it’s just another rumour. Even if it wasn’t I don’t think I’d cover it, the Rosemary was far too long ago to be relevant anymore.”

“What about the Monaco incident?” She asked referring of course to the event where the French operatives saved their embassy from an attack. “That could be an interesting story.”

He gave her another glance to suggest that she was being stupid again. “Everybody knows that it was a set up. And everybody knows that that doesn’t change anything about it. France just needed to legitimise their hold over Monaco.”

Jennifer sighed a bit, he was always a bit rough around the edges when he didn’t have a story he liked and with the world in the midst of more wars than anything else it was people like her who were getting the best stories. “Well then what are you going to write about?”

“Damned if I know...”

Just then Nathaniel Hardcourt entered holding up a sheet of paper. It’s what he did whenever he a had a big breaking new story. He shouted across the office space “Terrorist attack on the world Cricket Tournament in Egypt. 62 dead over 100 injured, suspected involvement with the Cape to Cairo bombing of last year.”

It was at this point where there was always a bit of a scuffle for the story generally whoever shouted the loudest would get it. But before Nathaniel had even been able to finish his last sentence Michael was stood on his desk waving “Mine! It’s my story!”
Nathaniel walked across the office space and put down the papers on Michael’s desk. Jennifer turned to him “So I guess you have a story now?”

Summer 2114​

Turn 17​

Spoiler :

World News!


Editor's Note:
Well there's one thing on the minds of all people throughout the world right now. Food. I feel hungry, my people feel hungry and unless you either live in a feminist nation then you are probably hungry too. Though it is not the place of a reporter to dictate world diplomatic policy it is important that we recognise that without a quick resolution to this conflict a lot of people are going to starve and die.
No doubt the majority of the world's nations are working towards self sufficiency - building their own factories - but people will start dying long before such projects are complete so it is highly important that this conflict stop as soon as possible.

-Nathaniel Harcourt

The Spring Offensives – War Correspondent Jennifer Haynes

As of the start of February a state of war existed between the Russia and an alliance of the Kingdom of Armenia, Byzantium, the United Emirates and Germany. Later on the UAR would begin its own military initiatives against Russia too. A secretly planned and executed invasion of Armenia by the Russian Army all but took over the entire nation. The Government resigned and was replaced by a provisional government of local leaders in support of Russia until a new government could be rebuilt. I was reporting alongside elements of the UAR’s 9th and 10th Armies when the invasion took place. However I was soon forced to move fronts when the UAR made a hasty retreat and now only a couple of small enclaves on the border remain what the UAR forces have dubbed “Free Armenia”.
Following this action I joined the Russian garrison in Bulgaria who have been fighting a desperate defence against the might of Germany’s mechanised armed forces. Russia’s men may have much less advanced equipment then Germany but in my time with them I found they have a burning courage in their hearts equal to few forces I have reported along. The camaraderie and sense of purpose in the Russian Army is something truly amazing to feel a part of. I was made very welcome in my stay there.

Later I joined a German division that was fighting the rearguard action in Veneto. It was clear while I was there that the Germans had not been expecting Italy to honour their pact with Russia. Italy managed to secure much of the ground which it believes it has a greater claim to than Germany. During my time in Italy I noted that it is a belief of the troops there that this territory will be given back to Italy in any peace treaty. Italy is however suffering from a large blockade by the United Emirates navy.
One of the things that it was painful for me to notice while on these fronts was how little soldiers are being given to eat at the moment. Food rationing is reaching unbearable levels throughout Europe and if food supplies aren’t soon restored the troops are going to lose moral and drive for this war very quickly indeed.

The Defence of Java – War Correspondent Harris May

Nothing went as anybody had planned. The French navy on its way to java was intercepted in the Med by the Maltese fleet and the French had to go all the way round the Cape to reach Indonesia. This led to significant delay to their plans during which time Thailand and Malta managed to make gains onto the mainland of Java. When the French finally did arrive they managed to turn the tide the other way. The French and Indonesian troops had the distinct advantages of both superior Air Support and also food. Where the Maltese and Thai troops were low on supplies and nearing starvation the French and Indonesians had more than enough available.
Throuhgut the world food riots are springing up everywhere. Many are dying of starvation and still Indonesia refuses to lift the embargo despite French pressures. The nation still believes it will convert the world to its views.

Explosion at the World Cricket Championships – International Relations Correspondent Michael Sanford

The World Cricket Tournament was held this year in Aswan, UAR started a great success with Hubert Cumberdale of the Bermudian team once again showing his superiority as a sportsman. However disaster struck in the Bermudia-Germany match when a bomb went off in the crowd. The bombing is now suspected to be related to the similar incident in the August of last year (see our report then) where a number of incidents occurred on the Cape to Cairo route. It is as of yet unknown as to the exact aim of these terrorists but it is suspected that they may be AF Nationaists who want to enter a period of isolationism. This is a sentiment shared by much of the nation as it has mostly withdrawn from international affairs and continues to reject joining the international community in the United Nations. This makes it one of the only nations outside of the Americas that hasn’t yet applied for UN membership.

 

[Omega124]

France will not tolerate this unprovoked act of aggression from the Republic of Malta against the Women's Republic of France. Despite our two nations being at peace, the Maltese had the audacity to attack our ships in international waters. Not only that, but they have now actually send their insidious reactionary army into Indonesia proper. France is not amused

We declare war on Malta (even though Malta attacked me so it's kind of assumed anyways)

 

[Mathalamus]

so... not only did Roman forces fail to take back Russian landing zones, several more opened up. the Navy failed to relive Constantinople, or make a dent in the European navies, leading to its destruction by the Russians.

Trebizond, the so-called Capital of the Roman Feminists are under occupations by a ruthless and heartless enemy. this will have repercussions later on. bad ones.

Symnra, the wealthy coastal city has been captured by the same Russian Army.

among the military, they are starving, low on morale, and far away from relief.

at home, the Civilians are hungry, albeit less so, with the Emperor trying its best to feed the people through any means possible. home gardens, pastures killing their pigs, cows, any animal it has for food.

the Roman people are low on morale, barely fed, and their fiery spirit is burning out.

 

[Sonereal]

The Technocratic Union declares war on France in defense of Malta.

 

[KaiserElectric]

-redacted-

 

[Tambien]

Despite the extensive and growing domestic thorium power and food production industries in the United Emirates, the food crisis caused by Indonesia has begun to very adversely affect the citizens of the UE. As such, the Emir of the UE has requested that Thailand, or some other nation, occupy Indonesia and restore the food supply to the world.

 

[Tyo]

Formation of the RSSR
In order to provide quick support the the liberated citizens of Rome, the RSF has announced the formation of the RSSR - Roman Soviet Socialist Repuiblic - based in the city of Constantinople. Food and medicine is being distributed to the civilian populace in all occupied regions, including Armenia and the coast of Anatolia. Immigration to occupied territories is allowed in a controlled manner. The welfare and stability of the Roman populace is the priority. Able-bodied individuals may volunteer for militias across occupied Rome to maintain order, and will not be made to fight on the front lines.

However: Due to the global food shortage, food rations will be uncomfortably modest. Let it be known that as soon as a break in the situation occurs, extra food rations will promptly be distributed.

We march for Progress. Step by step.

 

[Sonereal]

Diocletian had to make a tough decision in the late-fourth century. Either keep Rome as it was, or fundamentally change the institutions of Rome to make it better suited for its environment. Diocletian, a wise man, formed the Tetarchy.

Today, Rome is at a crossroads. A new Rome has been born. A Rome that harkens to the days of the Roman Republic, one of the greatest achievements of Western civilization. It was the Roman Republic, not Empire, that fought off invaders from every direction, defeated Hannibal, and brought prosperity to its citizen-farming soldiers for centuries.

It was the rise of autocracy that brought all of this to an end. It is time that the "little" man of Rome be allowed a proper place at the table.

We, as such, recognized the Roman Soviet Socialist Republic as the legitimate government of Rome.

After all, unlike the emperor, most of the Romans starving have wives and children.

We know this, which is why we are sending any aid we possibly can.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Germany refuses to recognize the occupying force masquerading as the RSSR. This cheap imitation of a functioning government is built on little more than the backs of free men made slaves under the tyrannical rule of a communist demagogue.

The RSSR is not Rome. The RSSR is a sham, a hopelessly corrupt and woefully inefficient form of government that speaks for the people but thinks little of them. This RSSR stands for Rome and it's people just as much as Vichy France stood for the French Empire in the dark days of the Second World War. The RSSR will amount to nothing more than the dying, sputtering gasps of an antiquated form of government soon to drown in a sea of irrelevance.

That being said, we would like to commend the RSSR for one thing. They will surely starve the Romans much faster than Rome could.

 

[Mathalamus]

Germany refuses to recognize the occupying force masquerading as the RSSR. This cheap imitation of a functioning government is built on little more than the backs of free men made slaves under the tyrannical rule of a communist demagogue.

The RSSR is not Rome. The RSSR is a sham, a hopelessly corrupt and woefully inefficient form of government that speaks for the people but thinks little of them. This RSSR stands for Rome and it's people just as much as Vichy France stood for the French Empire in the dark days of the Second World War. The RSSR will amount to nothing more than the dying, sputtering gasps of an antiquated form of government soon to drown in a sea of irrelevance.

That being said, we would like to commend the RSSR for one thing. They will surely starve the Romans much faster than Rome could.

we echo the same sentiment. also, any collaborators of said RSSR is now guilty of treason, and shall be executed.

 

[Tambien]

The United Emirates reinforces its recognition of the Roman Imperial Government as the sole legitimate government of the Roman state. The RSSR is simply a Russian puppet that seeks to advance the ideaology of communism by enslaving and oppressing the people of Rome. Russia is as an amoeba, devouring the nations surrounding it under the false pretense of "aid" with little regard for the safety or health of the peoples of those nations. Communism and Red Russia have failed miserably before, and will do so again.

The United Emirates condemns both Red Russia and the TU for attempting to impose the RSSR on the people of Rome against their will.

 

[Mathalamus]

Roman Emperor chooses heir

the Roman Emperor has chosen the Senior Roman ambassador to Germany Makarios as the heir for the Roman Empire. that way, if the Emperor dies, somehow, at least the ambassador will be able to form a government in exile with his considerable wealth and charm.

Roman Empire asks for Credit

the Roman Empire asks Germany for credit, so they could continue paying the soldiers, continue trying to develop farmland, continue buying military equipment, and keeping up the fight as long as possible.

of course, it would all be paid back, with a strict budget when the war is concluded, and no more credit until ti is all paid off.

 

[Sonereal]

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"​

-Emma Lazarus​

The Technocratic Congress of the People and Clerical Will have announced that the New Homestead Act of 2114 is law of the land. Under the provisions of the act, farmland in the interior will be parceled out to any family to work, develop, and bring to market. The grant will come with tools and massive developmental work to aid with reconstruction and fallout scrubbing.

Under the provisions of the act, any foreigner is open to apply for a grant. Foreign nationals wishing to apply for the grant should report to the Technocrat Embassy and apply. Foreigners will be granted Technocratic-American citizenship upon acceptance.

 

[Civ'ed]

Ooc point of order: the AF isn't a nation per se.
IC GOODIES:
1. Regards to the Roman situation:
The member nations of the AF have decided to view the RSSR as the legitimate representation of Soviet interests, and the Empire as the traditional power in the area.
2. FUT-BOL
the football world cup has surprisingly enough been won by Laos, which managed to score "the perfect goal" against the WAC in extra time. The Kalmar union came third (OOC: I PMed robert the brackets so ask him for the links I'm closer to a giant statue of Lincoln than challonge at the moment)

Meanwhile, riots have broken out in several Rhodesian cities against the hosting of the world cup. These came to violence in St. Joan, Mana, Livingstone and Zishavane, with a total off 3 injuries in the crowd.
(I still feel bad about the anger issue, so riots in major Rhodesian cities ok?)

3. Namibia
Following the refusal of several warlords in Namibia to cooperate, the AF shall be launching operations into the area to restore a proper government.

4. Food
Following the refusal of Indonesia to export food, there shall be a general order for the AF to invest in Malagasy algae production. Optimistic estimats say self-sufficiency for the AF will be reached in a year, if prefabricated buildings are used.

 

[christos200]

Thailand recognizes the Roman Soviet Socialist Republic as the legitimate government of Rome.

The Imperial Government of Rome has made inappropriate comments against Thailand and has repeatedly supported the French war effort against Thailand. Also, they have shown that they are a failure of a government and cannot protect their citizens.

 

[christos200]

Mobilization of 200,000 more soldiers:

200,000 people from the age of 20 to the age of 40 have been recruited in the Thai Army, bringing the number of Thai troops to about 1,000,000 men. The recent hostile comments by Australia as well as the continuing war in Indonesia has forced Chancellor Yingjang Shinawatra to take those measures. The new soldiers will undergo a month of training before being send to the front, assuming that a peace is not reached between Thailand and the Feminists.

In Bangkok and other major Thai cities, there is enthusiasm and battle cries are heard all over. There is war excitement and the population supports the war effort. Meanwhile, Emperor Sayammak I has given the first war medals for this war to brave soldiers who have done great deeds on the battlefield.

New King of Cambodia:

- Nattapong Yingjang, new King of Cambodia

Prince Sirindhorn, former King of Cambodia​

Prince Sirindhorn, former King of Cambodia and uncle of the Emperor, has been appointed "Grand Commander of Thai Royal Guards" as well as "Imperial Adviser", which means that he will advise the Emperor on important issues. His position as King of Cambodia has been given to Nattapong Yingjang, nephew of Chancellor Yingjang Shinawatra (Shinawatra, being of Chinese descent, follows the Chinese system of surname being first, while Nattapong has changed the order of his name to the Thai one, where name is first and surname last). King Nattapong has promised to rule wisely Cambodia and to follow the footsteps of the previous King. The appointment of Nattapong is the first time a non royal Thai is appointed King.

A parade of 10,000 Cambodian soldiers has been held in Phnom Penh, capital of Cambodia. The people are very excited and celebrations lasted for a whole day and night. King Nattapong, unlike his predecessor, has appointed Ministers and has organized a Court in the Palace of Phnom Penh. He has also appointed Cambodian Pa Socheatvong as "Grand Minister of the Council of Ministers". Of course, Cambodia, despite it's status as Kingdom, remains a province of Thailand and not an independent state.

 

[WhiteRobber]

To help relieve the food shortage in the world, the GEAR will start investing more in it's food production facilities. Natural, high-quality "bio" food (we find the term redundant; anything that lives is "bio", but it's the standard....) will be sent in increasing quantities (while keeping the price the same) to all nations with which we have trade agreements.

The large rice fields of Sichuan are in the process of being expanded through technology and the process of taking care of the plants will be completely machine-driven for higher efficiency.

Also, we would like to inform the public that lately we've had a population boom when it comes to chicken, and we're taking care so they do not get any diseases before they become delicious GEAR-FC Hot Wings or McLeeChong's Nuggets. Also, we're planning to expand these local fast-food chains to other countries but that is not the priority right now. Still, we do make deliveries as far as Maghreb/American West Coast if the order is big enough ( at least one ton of food per 500 miles distance from the Gangnam/Sichuan borders). Just remember that we don't do the "it's free if we're late" thing.

 

[Tambien]

OOC: So at what point is christos' economy going to collapse?