It makes so little sense it's funny

@ Skanderburg

I don't think I've read ayhing so funny for a while


anyway in my own little advisor way:

King: I believe there is one God. All people in my realm shall follow this new idea, monotheism.

Advisor: I'm sorry,but we havn't researched that yet, we are currently researching thw wheel.

King: But we don't need to reasearch it, I just said it.

Adv: I'm sorry your majesty.

K: Alright, begin researching it.

Adv: But what about the wheel?

K: Can't we look into both at the same time? Surely it's not that hard to find out there is one God. There I said it again.

Adv: Sorry

50 years later (2 turns)

Adv: Your majesty we have researched the wheel

King: So now we can research montheism?

Adv: Not exactly, we must research Polytheism first.

King: You mean that to believe in one God I have to believe in many Gods? That's a total contradiction?

Adv: And you have to know masonary

King: What does building walls have to do with any of this??????
 
moggydave said:
The real odd thing I find is that it take one sourceof oil to power 100 tanks and on the game you could still use that one source to power 1000 or 1000000 tanks
Click to expand...

And you cannot share the 1 oil resource with anyone. On the other hand, 2 oil resources can be shared, but the sharing does not limit your own use of the resource.

I would suggest this as a change in the next version of Civ... Make each resource equivilent to 100 units. 10 units are needed to manufacture an item that needs the resource and 1 (or more) unit is needed to maintain the item after it has been built. This would make multiple sources of the resource more valuable rather than simply reducing the risk of losing the resource as currently.
 
o just one more, I can't resist:

after many years of wandering in the wilderness, the band of three frenchmen came across a new civilisation: the Indians. Back in his stately palace, Louis was setting down to bed. He recieved word of this civilisation thousands of miles away instantaneously, and was intriuged. Suddenly, a little box appeared in front of him:

Ganhdi: Greetings, I am Gandhi of the Indians. Who are you

Louis: I am Louis XIV, the first, only and enternal King of France. You are the first other civilisation we have ever come across.

Gandhi: What does XIV mean?

Louis: It's Roman Numerals for 14.

G: You said we were the first civ you have found. We didnt here no rubbish about no Romans.

L: Hmmmmmmmm quite.

G: And how are you the 14th if you are "the first, only and enternal King of France"

L:ummmmmmmmmmmmm

G: And why does this list next to me show that you havn't dicovered Monarchy. How are you a monarch when you don't know what monarchy is.

L: How about I leave now.

G: No, wait a minute. What's that building behind you?

L: Of course it is the wonderful Palace of Versailles.

G: Where's Versailles. And according to my Scientific advisor you can't build that untill you have researched Divine Right. And to research Divine Right you need to know Monarchy. WHICH YOU DON'T KNOW EVEN THOUGH YOUR A KING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD, you dress funilly too. How can you have that sort of clothing. It's 3000 years ahead of it's time.

L: Ummmm. Well o YEH! What's the big white building behind you?

G: Tu che. Tu che.
 
ah come on lighten up,
i personally love the little giggles that come from the game, like russia asking for communism or germany asking for fasicm, just make me smile to myself slightly and enjoy the game more, and perosnally i never find oil were i want it :confused:
 
The point of the thread is that we all love the little idosyncrocies of CIV. That's why I have laughed more reading this thread than I have laughed at anything since the first time I saw Wedding Crashers.
 
I pray the devs aren't reading this. Imagine if they 'fixed' all of these little comedies?
 
To be sung to the tune of "Cwm Rhondda" or "Guide me O thy Great Redeemer"

The Settlers' Song

Guide us to, the fertile valley
That Our scouts saw yonder there
Keep us safe, unlike our warriors
They got eaten by a bear

Find the river
Farm the river
Feed us till we want no more (bass: want no more)
Feed us till we want no more!

Left our home, deep in the forests
We were Sick of eating deer
Wheat and Corn, we'll farm a plenty
Brew us up some knockout beer

Find the river
Farm the river
Feed us till we want no more (bass: want no more)
Feed us till we want no more!

See them now, the crystal waters
Running through those fields of corn
They scoffed when, we left the city
Nevermore we'll hear their scorn

Find the river
Farm the river
Feed us till we want no more (bass: want no more)
Feed us till we want no more!

Hurry now, and plough those fields boys
Fore our people come to harm
Sorry boss, but thats a "no can"
We dont yet know how to farm (doh!)

Must dis-cov-er
Ag-ri-cul-ture
Feed us till we want no more (bass: want no more)
Feed us till we want no more!
 
A newly founded city raises your total pop by 1,000 (at least your first does and that's all the research I'm willing to put in right now). Therefore, a settler "unit" must represent 1,000 people.

So how many damn bears are represented by the bear "unit" that just ate 1,000 people because my warrior "unit" was one tile away?
 
Great song Drew!

(early in the game)
Science Advisor: Your Magesty! We have discouvered a brand new technology! Archery!

King: Archery? I told you to research Bronze Working, did you disobey me?

SA: Oh no Sire! Our scout visited the villiage of primative people, the Happy Hut dwellers, and they taught it to us, for free!

King: Free is good! But say... if they're more primative than us, how come they have more advanced technology?

SA: Um, I dunno?

King: So what exactly makes them "primative"?

SA: Well, er, they are primative and we are, um, civilized! Yeah, that's it!

King: What exactly makes us so civilized?

SA: Ahh, umm...

King: (makes motion to summon the GUARDS)

SA: Because we have a King and they don't!!!

King: (patts Science Advisor on the head) Good boy!
 
Grins at Scats..I like that one :) and btw the victor always writes history, so of course everyone that the Romans conquered were uncivilized Barbarians..The Gauls, The Germanic People, The Greeks (erm), The Persians (put that hand down at the back), The Egyptians (no the greatest stone structures ever built of course doesn't make them civilized).......

But then what did the Romans ever do for us...well the aqueducts...and sanitation.......(you know the rest)...:)
 
Napoleon Bonaparte leans on his desk and sighs. There is a very troublesome and unhappy expression on his face. Suddenly science advisor comes running, halts for a second to catch breath and exclaims:

Science advisor: Mon Empereur, I have very, very good news!

NB: Good, good... those are needed now. I think mon head is going to explode. We need better ships, so that we could move settlers to that new continent we found fifty years ago... but we must concentrate our research on better weapons, because we are at war against those terrible Aztecs.

Science advisor: Mon King, my news are just about this!

NB: Mon Dieu, what?!

Science advisor: Mon Dictateur, that explorer we send with le caravel to explore le new continent, found a fascinating new technology, called astronomy. Everyone who understands astronomy, can also build a great wooden ship, galleon. With galleon, we can send three units to where ever we want!

NB: Any kind of units? Not just explorers, missionaries or great people?

Science advisor: Oui, mon Leadeur! Any kind!

NB: Superb! That makes me so happy!

Science advisor: Me too, I am happy when you are, Sir!

Napoleon sits silently for a minute. His expressions changes from happiness to doubt.

NB: I have few questions though.

Science advisor: Oui, Mon Ruler?

NB: What did we loose during those diplomatic negotiations with le Barbarian civilization?

Science advisor: Nothing, Mon King. We do not not lower ourselvels to talk with le Barbarians. Oh no. No Sir.

NB: Well, how did our explorer get this astronomy?

Science advisor: Mon Boss, one day he went to one of those villages, where very small and primitive tribes live. And those villagers just gave it to him!

NB: Those villagers just gave it to him! Do you mean, that after five thousand and five hundred years of civilization, research and development, that people living in simple huts, eating with their fingers and mating where ever they please, possess some technology, we wouldn't have dared to dream about only hundred years ago?

Science advisor: Ahem, well, it does look like it, mon king of kings.

NB: Why didn't they build galleons and live in them? Even ships are much more comfortable than those crude stinky huts where roof will fall when ever it gets hit by two drops of rain. Or why didn't THEY sail here then?

Science advisor: Perhaps they don't know how to sail, Mon Empereur, but this is not all... It seems that villagers also knew how to study the stars, their locations and how to navigate by looking at them. They also knew, how to build a special building to observe stars... an observatory.

NB: So, they don't know how to build a decent house, but they do know how to build great wooden ships and houses to study the stars. They don't know how to sail, but they are experts if there is need to navigate... Mon Dieu, those villager never cease to amaze me.



.
 
"Good news Sire, our warrior unit has lost the first two battles out of three."
 
How about the fact that you don't need computers, education, or even electricity to get to the moon? I imagine that you just pile a bunch of hicks into a metal cannonball, shove as much TNT as possible below them, and point at the big round glowy thing!

"This here's one small step for menfolk--"
"Who ya' talkin' to? Ain't nobody ken hear us up hear."
"How we gonna get back?"

Next stop: Alpha Centauri!
 
I would just like to thank everyone who posted such funny and clever vignettes. I've had an absolutely rotten day and night, and this thread helped cheer me up considerably. :)
 
Mewtarthio said:
How about the fact that you don't need computers, education, or even electricity to get to the moon? I imagine that you just pile a bunch of hicks into a metal cannonball, shove as much TNT as possible below them, and point at the big round glowy thing!
Click to expand...

=8-O Heavens, you know better!

To hit the big round glowy thing you don't aim at it, you must lead it. *nodnod* Other than that, sounds about right.
 
Mewtarthio said:
How about the fact that you don't need computers, education, or even electricity to get to the moon? I imagine that you just pile a bunch of hicks into a metal cannonball, shove as much TNT as possible below them, and point at the big round glowy thing!
Click to expand...
Try reading Jules Verne's "From the Earth to the Moon", in which that exact method was used (well, guncotton not TNT, but the idea's the same).
 
Russians Declare War

WASHINGTON, DC: May 8th, 1868.

Americans anxiously await an uncertain future following a declaration of war from Catherine, leader of the Russian Empire.

The declaration came as a complete surprise to American Emperor Franklin Roosevelt. The two nations have been at peace for more than 1,500 years and have shared open borders and trade relationships during that time.

Catherine's attitude before the declaration of war was characterized at "Pleased". The Russian leader was recently quoted as saying "Our open borders bring our people together" and "Our trade relations have been fair". In fact, during recent negotiations Catherine was downright flirtatious, asking the wheelchair-bound Roosevelt, "Is that a treaty in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?". However, in a prior trade summit she made the puzzling statement, "I studied on killin' you", that now seems prescient.

A stunned American diplomatic corps attempted to contact Catherine shortly after the declaration. Catherine furiously screamed "Go Away!" and turned her back on the delegation.

Sources in Moscow report Catherine has made a number of abrupt changes to the Russian Empire's civic institutions, including the return to a medieval Vassalage system and the imposition of a Confucian Theocracy. Ironic, considering that Moscow has recently completed a World Wonder, the Statue of Liberty, a monument to democracy and freedom.

As recently as two days ago, hundreds of American soldiers were freely walking around Russian cities, but were immediately transported to a small area of tundra to the south of the Russian empire considered to be neutral territory. The soldiers, a centuries-old Axeman brigade, remain stranded. It is unclear how they were relocated so quickly to this remote region.

Military experts speculate that Catherine's decision to go to war may have been precipitated by her recent deployment of Cossacks, a powerful military unit unique to the Russian Empire. Cossacks are a horse mounted unit similar to Cavalry, but much more deadly, especially vs cannons and other mounted units.

American generals are confident about victory. The American military has long held a technological edge over the Russians. Although many American cities are still guarded by centuries-old Longbow and Spearman units, deployment of a new kind of powerful foot solder called "infantry" has begun.

The American navy has also hinted that it is in development of its own unique military unit. Details are sketchy, but the new unit is said to be capable of Amphibious warfare and will be named after an aquatic mammal. Sources have confirmed that these "Navy Walruses" could be deployed soon.
 
General: "Let's attack them now!"

Aide: "We can't sir"

General: "Why not?"

Aide: "We already moved, now its their turn to move"

General: "Damnit, that makes no sense! Attack!"

Aide: "Sorry but proper etiquette is to wait until they move"

General: "Etiquette?"
 
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