It makes so little sense it's funny

[Depravo]

Leader: wait one moment. Are you saying that from generation to generation, over 6000 years, we have continually been training men with clubs in out barracks????? Even when axemen, musketmen, infantry, and ICBM's were invented

General: Yup

Leader: Jesus

ROFL. The same thoughts go through my head... repeatedly... every game.

 

[Xenocrates]

Happiness manager: 'We're lucky. There's no need to build a road from the gems in the hills yonder to our city. The river will serve the same purpose.'

Me: 'yippee. Then I say we head for the island yonder and see what bounty it holds for us.'

Military manager: 'Fraid not sir we haven't discovered the technology that will allow us to build boats.'

Me: speechless.....

 

[gotmatt]

Gunpowder units can't use walls to defend themselves from underdeveloped folks. Now if I had a rifle, I think I would stand up on the fortification so the swordsmen would have to suicide charge and scale the wall to get me.

they cant defend against other GP units... however how amazing is that... like these people have never seen an action movie... i'm pretty darmn sure a wall can stop a bullet if a table flipped on it's side can

it just should be diminished...


how about this one:

Scientist: SIR! we just discovered rocketry, which will allow our infantrymen to stop flying objects from bombing us.

King: WTH is a flying object??

Scientist: i dunno sir we haven't discovered flight yet.

King: then how do your rockets stop flying objects??

Scientist: hmm... well... um... they fly...

King: but you just said...

Scientist: NEVERMIND WHAT I SAID!

King: how can you...

Scientist: listen it just DOES. i'm the scientist, you're just an overlord.

Military advisor: do we have to discover flight to drop nukes on people?

Scientist: no, we should just um... fly... our ICBM Rockets...

King: GUARDS!!!

 

[ShaLouZa]

"You've wiped me off the planet 2000 years ago, but I'm still pissed that you just made a defense agreement with these guys I've never met. By the way, this war ended 2000 years ago by my total extermination still degrades our relations, even if I can't have relations anymore because I'm dead and buried."

 

[Roibeárd]

The year is 4000 BC:

Mansa Musa: Good morning Advisor, I have decided that our people will put an end to our nomadic wanderings and establish ourselves permanently next to this river. We will establish what is known as a "Civilization". We will then learn many new things, grow our population, expand our culture and meet others who have established their own Civilizations. Thousands of years from now, our people will dominate the earth!

Advisor: Yes, Mansa Musa, you are a wise man and a visionary leader.

Mansa Musa: In our nomadic wanderings, our people have learned many things. We can dig deep holes in the ground and extract useful materials and we can build vehicles with round objects under them, enabling us to transport items that are too heavy to carry. However, Advisor, I have always wondered how our people have found enough to eat.

Advisor: Sir?

Mansa Musa: Can our people kill animals and eat their flesh for nutrition?

Advisor: No, sir. I believe that is called "hunting". Our people have not learned how to do this.

Mansa Musa: Can we plant seeds in the ground and collect the edible plants that grow from them?

Advisor: No sir, I'm fairly certain that this is called "Agriculture".

Mansa Musa: Well, then our people must have learned how to remove edible fish from rivers and lakes.

Advisor: Sorry, sir, we have not learned these secrets either.

Mansa Musa: Well, advisor, how is it that our people have survived all these years with no knowledge of how to acquire food?

Advisor: Beats me, sir.

Mansa Musa: Advisor, I believe these are the first three things we must learn once we establish our "Civilization".

Advisor: I would write this down, if I only knew how....

 

[gotmatt]

King: Call the Chief Engineer, it's timer that we bult a Wonder. I want you to build a Great Lighthouse, Cheif Engineer.

Engineer: But sir... we can't build a GREAT Lighthouse untill we've built a SMALL lighthouse.

King: Why would we need TWO lighthouses?

Engineer: I don't know King, I just know that that's how it works.

King: OK... How about the Globe Theatre! That would GREATLY increase our mysterious culture-boarders that absorb cities.

Engineer: Sir, we have yet to build a SMALL theatre...

King: Oh no... not this again... alright... how about the Great Library...

Engineer: umm... sir...

King: if you say that we need to build a small one first i'll pop you one.

Engineer: *stares*

King: *sigh* Alright then... let's build Mt. Rushmore! A Symbol of Democracy picturing our countries greatest leaders that lobbied for freedom of all men and women, no matter their race or creed or religion...

Engineer: sir... umm.. i hate to burst you bubblr yet again sir... but uh... we need to study Facism first.

King: GUARDS!!!!

 

[Meffy]

King: GUARDS!!!!

Barbarian archer: Yes?

King: You don't look like the same guard I had yesterday. And your flag -- it's not the right one.

Barbarian archer: We could have told you sending your only warrior unit out to explore was an unwise use of personnel.

King: *blink* Oh. ... Oh, dear.

Barbarian archer: Mmmm-hm.

 

[5cats]

Stop! Stop you're killing me!

 

[nilsmo]

governor: Great news! We have completed the Internet! Our forge made it finished so much faster! Also, those lumbermills that I suggested helped, too!

me: So what?

governor: Now any knowledge that any other two civs have becomes ours!

me: But we're way ahead of all civilizations in technology? What will the alternate benefits be?!

governor: ummm

me: STOP MUMBLING!

governor: [coughs]

me: The Internet will give NO benefit to us?! But it connects the world!

governor: uhm.. The world hasn't discovered the secrets of Computers.

me: Well, this World Project connects our great civilization then! It connects ideas, information, etc.!

governor: [stares] ... [says quietly] well, it demonstrates the power of our great civilization...

me: [fire burns in the eyes] The power of stupidity!!

governor: [thinks about his job] well, it makes so little sense it's funny! Heehee!

me: yea lets talk about 7|-|15 online it pwnz

governor: k [goes back to his seat and directs production towards a laboratory]

 

[rewster1]

Anyone else think it's odd that you can start the game with "Future Tech" as your research target? Not only that, but doing so bypasses agriculture???? And animal husbandry?? You also get to skip such dead end techs as alphabet, literature, fission, fusion, flight, democracy, mass media, robotics, and fiber optics?

 

[lz14]

LMAO Where are all these "beats me" and "GUARD" talks come from? lol lol lol

 

[Thisnameislame]

Me: How come its 2025 AD and we still don't have railroads
Advisor: Sir we have no coal!
Me: We;; could we use diesel or nuclear locamotives? We have combustion and fusion after all.
Advisor:
Me: You know, take a tank or submarine engine and put it in our trains?
Advisor:
Me: Use uranium or oil instead of coal?
Advisor: Sir, that's crazy talk! Coal=Railroads!
Me: :suicide:

 

[Kal-el]

VANCOUVER, B.C. Canada (AP) The Western Canadian city of Vancouver has now formally seceded from Canada and asked to become part of the United States. This development follows nearly two years of roiting in the city following the release of a hit song by a "Great Artist" in nearby Seattle.

Large parts of the surrounding Western Canadian countryside pledged their allegiance to the U.S. approximately one year ago. Border adjustments have been reportedly been completed, with the U.S. gaining several hundred square miles of new territory as a result.

The artist, who bears a striking resemblence to Elvis Presley, was born in Chicago. He was relocated by the government and told to create his masterpiece in Seattle. Details of the arrangement have been closely guarded by officials.

Prior to the release of the song, the borders between the U.S. and Canada had been fairly stable due to a long and peaceful relationship, open borders and fair trade dealings between the two nations.

When asked for his reaction, the US President replied, "These kind of things happen when a great artist creates a great work in a border city. Culture culture causes borders to shift all of the time. Remember when they completed the Sistine Chapel in Montreal about 200 years ago? We damn near lost most of New England. Luckily, they only got the top half of Maine."

Despite these developments, it is reported that the Canadian Prime Minister's attitude towards the U.S. is still "pleased", though one might expect that he would be "annoyed" by now, given the loss of the major Western metropolis. "We share concern for our brothers and sisters of the faith", the devout P.M. has been reported as saying.

In other developments in Seattle, there is speculation about the emergence of a "Great Engineer", who is expected to give a boost to completion of Seattle's latest Wonder, "Broadway", which has fallen behind schedule due to ongoing labor problems. "It's just too crowded", complained a striking citizen dressed in bright red.

If the engineer emerges as expected, the project should be completed within one year. Without the Great Engineer, the residents of Seattle have been told not to expect to see the lights of Broadway for at least 12 more years.

In any event, the emergence of a "Great Person" is certain within the next year. An Engineer is likely (about 72%). Less likely (13%) is the emergence of a "Great Prophet" who would be asked to stay in Seattle, become a Preist, and boost industrial production.

There is a small chance (8%) that another Great Artist could emerge. Officials have said that should that be the case, the Artist will be relocated to Boston, where it is rumored that the next "Great Work" will allow the reclamation of Northern Maine lost nearly 200 years ago to Canada.

I was literally crying when I read this. Thanks.

 

[Roibeárd]

Northern Maine Reclaimed

BOSTON, MA (AP). U.S. borders continue to expand due to proliferation of great artistic works.

Another Great Artist has completed his work, this time a painting in Boston, allowing the United States to reclaim several hundred square miles of territory in Nortern Maine lost to Canada over 200 years ago.

In a press conference, the President of the United States commented, "We welcome back the citizens of Northern Maine, and we are pleased to see that the Canadians have also built a fine lumbermill there. We will put it to good use"

The added production from the lumbermill will boost a high profile technology project planned for Boston next year. Spaceship parts will be manufactured in the city. Production is set to begin immediately after completion of a long-awaited broadcast tower.

Following release of the painting, sporadic rioting broke in on Montreal, but quieted down following completion of a Taoist Temple in the Canadian city.

The artist, who unexpectedly emerged in Seattle two years ago, was relocated to Boston. His two-year trek across the continent was accompanied by military personnel, including the 4th Horse Archer Unit, recently honored for its 3,000th year of continuous service.

In a related story, the Broadway project in Seattle continues to fall behind schedule due to widespread unhappiness in the city.

The emergence of a Great Engineer, instead of the Artist, would have allowed completion of the Broadway project in one year. Current estimates now project Broadway's completion in 15 years.

The Great Artist's emergence was not a complete disappointment. A citizen commented, "Geez, they could have let the guy just settle in here. He would have provided a nice cultural boost to the community like that old priest. But when we saw the Horse Archers show up and escort the Artist out of town, I knew it was over. It was pretty sad day around here. We really liked that guy."

Striking citizens in Seattle, now known for their matching bright red attire, take to the streets daily chanting, "Its just too crowded". The frustration in Seattle has been compounded by the fact that output from a highly productive mine has been shifted to nearby Vancouver.

The city of Vancouver voluntarily joined the U.S. two years ago following release of a hit song in Seattle. The mine output has boosted production of a planned Confucian temple in Vancouver, scheduled for completion in only two years. Happy citizens in the former Canadian city recently held a "We love the President" celebration.

The Seattle City Governor is even contemplating putting the Broadway "Wonder" project on hold. It is believed that with the recent spread of Confucianism in the city, the construction of a temple would bring some striking citizens back to work. The temple could reportedly be completed in one year with a large infusion of government funds.

 

[Meffy]

Meanwhile, in Mephitisia, the capital of the Mephitic Empire, citizens sent fireworks into the sky in celebration of their ruler's modest difficulty level and took to the streets dressed as the Kool-Aid Pitcher Man, shouting "OH YEAH!!!!" as they celebrated.

Three average citizens on the street told this reporter why they were humming a sprightly tune as they walked along: "Some buildings are making us happy!"

Other Mephits and imperial creatures interviewed mentioned their enjoyment of luxurious resources, the wide variety of fine musical and dramatic entertainment available, and "just enjoying life."

Of course, just as in Seattle, there are a few grumbles from those who feel the pressure of population. To these spoilsports we suggest a vacation in a nice cottage or hamlet. Hail Mephitisia!

 

[SPQR300]

Me: How come its 2025 AD and we still don't have railroads
Advisor: Sir we have no coal!
Me: We;; could we use diesel or nuclear locamotives? We have combustion and fusion after all.
Advisor:
Me: You know, take a tank or submarine engine and put it in our trains?
Advisor:
Me: Use uranium or oil instead of coal?
Advisor: Sir, that's crazy talk! Coal=Railroads!
Me: :suicide:

Good one

 

[KingTux]

1. In order to build Mount Rushmore, you need to discover Fascism.

I find this to be a VERY interesting concept. Anyone care to take a crack at it?

 

[b-dubb]

strategic tech decision =p

 

[Kal-el]

Nationalism would make more sense, but it comes to early in the tree.

 

[DementedAvenger]

1. In order to build Mount Rushmore, you need to discover Fascism.

I find this to be a VERY interesting concept. Anyone care to take a crack at it?

Well, you have to think about this in game terms. Fascism can be seen to reduce war weariness because there is such fanatical devotion to the leader that his wars are never questioned. Building giant statue-heads is pretty devoted, and while not really fascist it shares the element of fascism (namely leader-worship) that would reduce war-weariness.

Can you think of a better wonder that is a tribute to the leader of a country? Mt. Rushmore isn't a great fit, but I can't think of a better one off the top of my head. I much prefer it to any number of Nazi atrocities that would perhaps be more relevant to the idea of fascism.