jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Updating systems initiatializing..... update commencing.
JalNES I: Quick and Easy
- Thread starter jalapeno_dude
- Start date
LittleBoots
The Bloody Banner
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2006
- Messages
- 1,979
I see you JD... stop making me wait 
EDIT: And like that, he was gone. Blast.
EDIT: And like that, he was gone. Blast.
LittleBoots
The Bloody Banner
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2006
- Messages
- 1,979
Your update or his? Or both? Well, if you have all your orders and are working on it tonight... JD seems to have gone to bed, I bet you could beat him... 
Also, I love the quote. Its priceless, as pretty much all of Lucky's moves have been in jalNES.
Also, I'm PMing you about the Tuatha. Should finish it shortly.
Well, if you have all your orders and are working on it tonight... JD seems to have gone to bed, I bet you could beat him... Also, I love the quote. Its priceless, as pretty much all of Lucky's moves have been in jalNES.
Also, I'm PMing you about the Tuatha. Should finish it shortly.
Luckymoose
The World is Mine
Lord_Iggy said:
Well its because I'm so darn loveable.
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Gone to bed? No. I just update offline.LittleBoots said:Your update or his? Or both?
Also, I love the quote. Its priceless, as pretty much all of Lucky's moves have been in jalNES.
Also, I'm PMing you about the Tuatha. Should finish it shortly.
Speaking of updating, I'm 90% done...
Your section, IMHO, is quite well-done.
Luckymoose
The World is Mine
Let see the berber defeat!
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Beginning to post update.....
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Update 6: Conquest and Aftermath
1500-1400 BC
As time passes, the religion of Eire has become very different from that of the rest of the island (+1 culture). Only nine primary deities are worshipped, under the auspices of the Temple of the Nine, as opposed to the polytheism and animism of the rest of the isle. Increasingly, the High Kings are coming to be seen as demigods, and the legendary Five Saints have thriving cults worshipping them. The institution of the Galloglach becomes increasingly important in Eirean society (+200 Galloglach), a worrying sign for the tribes bordering Eire, for the Galloglach live for war.
And there is plenty of war this century, plenty of bloodshed, plenty of destruction: all that, in the view of the Galloglach, makes life worth living.
In 1495 BC, a great army issues forth from the great wall of fortifications that surround Eire proper. In one form or another, this army will continue its campaigning for the next 84 years. The course of conquest, at the end of which the entire country is controlled (+1 size, +1 Rural Economy), at least nominally, by the High King, has three distinct phases, or Eras, as they are called by the priest who act as court historians. The first phase is the Era of Slaughter, and it certainly lives up to its name. In a lightning (relatively speaking) campaign, the entire southeast half of the island is conquered. Upon encountering a village, the army kills every man, rapes and enslaves every woman and girl, and indoctrinates every male child into the Galloglach. The villages are now resettled by native Eireans, who view it as their right to control the entire island. This Era lasts slightly over two decades (-1100 Axemen, -100 Archers, -500 Galloglach, +800 Galloglach).
In the next Era, the Era of Fear, the Eireans are slightly kinder. From now on, one survivor is left from each village. The army waits for him to spread his tales of horror, to neighboring villages. They then offer each village the chance to surrender. If they refuse, the result is the same, but if they accept, the village is left intact, and even rewarded, given the land of nearby villages that have been destroyed, and set up as the nobility of their region. The choice between death upon refusal and nobility upon acceptance is not a terribly hard one, and by 1446, all of the island but the North is under Eire's control. (-900 Axemen, -100 Archers, -200 Galloglach, +300 Galloglach).
But in the same year, disaster strikes, for the Northerners are more wily then Eire had bargained for. The largest village surrenders to the army immediately after the northern march begins, and invites them to a great banquet to celebrate, with plenty of ale. That night, as the army snores in a drunken stupor, it is massacred as it sleeps, except for the Galloglach, who don't drink (-700 Axemen, -300 Archers, -300 Galloglach). This is ever after known as the Night of Blood in Eire.
Although this merely reinforces the belief of the Galloglach that all other fighters are inferior to them, they decide that their fallen colleagues must be avenged. They petion (read "order") that no other military forces be recruited--and then they begin taking one of every twenty males to raise as a Galloglach ("The Toll of the Twentieth") (+1200 Galloglach, -1 Confidence). Then, in force, they march north. Thus begins the Era of Fervor.
Over the next thirty-five years, the Galloglach burn the North into nothingness. This is a long and hard task, as even the children will fight to the death against those who they have been taught are demonic invaders. Finally, in 1411, the Northerners make their last stand on the beaches of the northern coast, where three-quarters of the population dies so that the other fourth can flee (-1000 Galloglach).
And flee they do, to the Isle of Man, where they establish the League of the True Irish. Although they are weak economically, this is made up for by their strong navy and excellent espionage force, which constantly sabotages the projects of the High Kings, most recently burning the entire Eirean navy at anchor in 1401. As they are the same ethnically as the Scots, they now control a large portion of Britain, and have appealed for aid to the wealthier nations of Wessex and Britannia.
The Eireans themselves are plagued with problems. Their infrastructure is nonexistent, and many places are effectively ruled by the local nobles. The order of the High King is not absolute except within the great fortifications and in the north, the stronghold of the Galloglach. The Galloglach themselves are a problem. They will not allow other military forces to be trained, and the Toll of the Twentieth angers the populace immensely. At the same time, for the Galloglach life is war, and without war, they will soon become dissatisfied with the current ruler...
-------------------------------------------------------
Besides causing a global decline in agriculture and an economic depression in the Aegean, the great Thera eruption caused many peoples to be displaced. One of these was in northern Greece. It was indistinguishable from all the rest, except that there existed in this tribe one of those great leaders who can bend the world to their will--Execles. Execles convinced his tribe that while there was no future for them in this place, great things could be theirs if they would follow him across the sea. By force of will, he was able to cause a great fleet of ships to be built (+20 Galleys), and united the tribe like never before (+1 Confidence). They sailed across the sea, gathering others as they went, and arrived at the cities of the Levant. Under cover of darkness, they managed to take Tyre, and suddenly, they found themselves the rulers of a small nation (+1 Confidence). Their first act was to burn Tyre to the ground, then rebuild it in their unique style.
Their second act was to send diplomats to the Cypriots, and to Minoa, though, hearing the tales of Minoa from the locals, the diplomats left without landing. On Cyprus, the diplomats were politely rebuffed; although Cyprus was not adverse to an alliance, it wanted to stay independent.
So Execles, disappointed, continued his assault on the Levant. He was a brilliant general, and the independent city-states of the Levant simply could not deal with his brilliant naval strategies and amphibious assaults. One by one, they fell, and as they fell, the cities were looted (+1 spending point next turn), burned, and rebuilt in a unique style. These were not just the new rulers of Syria, who would fall in time, but a completely new culture and nation: The League of the Sea Peoples (+1 culture).
Execles then decided to again send diplomats to Cyprus, and he had perfect timing, for the situation had just radically changed.
Egypt was rapidly recovering from the Hyksos invasion. A stable border was established, and the city of Pharai was founded on the Delta, rapidly becoming a center for trade (+1 trade economy). With its great army, Egypt succeeded in controlling the entire coast between Pharai and Cyrene (-1000 Spearmen, -100 UU, -200 Archers, +1 Size). But most importantly for Execles, the smaller Cypriot navy was destroyed by Egyptian galleys and fire archers (-20 galleys).
So when the diplomats came again, they found Cyprus in panic, expecting an Egyptian invasion at any moment. The king (or pharaoh-in-exile, as he was known) quickly accepted unification, retaining some domestic autonomy. (+1 size)
Strangely, the Egyptian invasion never came.
Emboldened by this strange lack of action, Execles ordered the commencement of raids on Egypt. With the army campaigning in the west, he faced no opposition to a strike on Pharai--except the wounded Egyptian navy. The Egyptian navy quickly spotted the few raiding ships, and moved to destroy them, not knowing they had taken the bait. From out of nowhere, stronger, larger ships appeared, and surrounded the surrounders, destroying them. Pharai was looted, its treasury emptied.(Egypt: -10 galleys League: -5 galleys, 1 spending point from Egypt to League)
Meanwhile, the Hittites continue expanding, and a confrontation seems imminent...
-------------------------------------------------------
Athens falls (Sparta: +1 Rural, +1 Trade economy, -2000 Spearmen). Its islands are snapped up by Troy, who now controls all of the Aegean islands (+1 trade). Rather than sending aid, Byzantium sends ships to evacuate the Athenian population--and its treasury. Needless to say, Sparta is not happy.
Byzantium and Troy sign formal peace at current borders, as both are distracted with other things.
Troy is expanding inland and getting ready to face the Hittites. It has founded the city of Eregli on the Black Sea coast, much to the delight of the Atyrians (Atyria: +1 Trade Economy).
Speaking of the Atyrians, they continue to expand, campaigning against the barbarians on several fronts. They make two amphibious landings, one to the east of Atyrian, and one west of the river on the mainland. Although they take heavy casualties, their excellent infrastructure allows them to use forces efficiently, and they manage to gain much good land (-800 Spearmen, -600 Axemen, -300 Archers, +1 Rural Economy).
The Byzantines, too, are fighting against barbarians, but they are on the defensive. To negate ambushes, the Byzantines decide to fight only on open land, which allows them to take nearly fewer casualties (-500 Spearmen, -200 Archers), but also correspondingly fewer land.
-------------------------------------------------------
Carthage, faced with the prospect of a long war, leaves Sicily, which celebrates by starting a colonial venture of its own. They then work off their frustration by attacking and destroying the remaining Berber lands in the west (-500 Spearmen, -400 Axemen, -300 Archers, +1 rural economy).
-------------------------------------------------------
Britannia, after building a system of roads, expands north and west, cutting off Wessex's expansion (+1 size). However, this places them in conflict with the Scots, who intensify their raids (-800 Axemen, -400 Spearmen). Perhaps, if the Irish were assisted, they would prevail upon the Scots to stop?
The raiders seem to have gone forever, awed by the display of Britannian might.
-------------------------------------------------------
The Prussians decide to stop their raids for the moment. Instead, they merely terrorize the tribes along the Scandinavia coast, keeping them weak and preventing them from unifying. Infrastructure seems to be the theme of the century, as a network of roads is built, and citizens are rewarded with land for helping (+1 point into infrastructure). The king then takes advantage of the new roads, traveling around the country and building popularity (+1 confidence), which is already very high. In addition, the king begins an even more long-term project, that of connecting every village in Prussia together. The project will take centuries, but, when complete, will make Prussia very easy to govern.
The Prussians are vigilant in preventing raids, but rumors continue to persist of a great nation to the south which is gathering the tribes together...
-------------------------------------------------------
The king of Rome decides to destroy the barbarian threat once and for all. He marches north, winning victory after victory, and crushing all before him (+1 size)...when he is killed, ostensibly by the barbarians, though it is odd that the arrow was shot into his back... (-1 confidence, -300 Spearmen, -800 Axemen, -100 Archers, +1 rural economy)
Rome is stunned by his death, and it seems that the state will disintegrate... until the council announces the completion of the Temple of Jupiter (+2 culture, +2 confidence, +Rome cultural center). Clearly, it is a sign that Jupiter favors the council, and they announce their intention to rule "until the rightful heir returns". Rome is now an oligarchy.
As Rome becomes increasingly urban-oriented, agriculture declines (-1 rural economy).
The barbarian threat is far from over, however. Across the Appenines, the tribes still thrive, and they continue to raid (-200 Axemen).
-------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately, none of this matters, as the Medes summon the Penguinskan navy, who destroys all civilization other than the Medes. The Medes then rule the world, at least until the Polar Bear insurrection.....
Luckily, the Vegetable Overlords are in the habit of keeping several backup copies, and merely use one of these to continue.
-------------------------------------------------------
The Medes succeed in repairing the damaged crops, though it takes much money and the help of the Armenians. Although some Armenians join Medea, most of them elect to continue south, and found the state of New Armenia, heavily influenced by the Medes (+1 puppet state). Of course, they settle in the path of Medean expansion, and Ur takes the rest, frustrating the Medes yet again in their quest for a port.
The years of relative peace have strengthened Medean culture (+1 culture).
As if taunting the Medes, Ur founds a port in the east... and soon the Medeans get an interesting offer...
The Medeans also expand north, looking for the threat the Armenians fled from-- and they find one more than they bargained for. As they prepare to cross the Euphrates to the west, they see a strange people on the other side. There are small, inconclusive border clashes between the Hittites and Medes, but nothing decisive. Both sides are shocked to see others using chariots. (Both: -100 chariots, -300 Spearmen)
-------------------------------------------------------
NPC Diplo
From: League of the True Irish
To: Wessex, Britannia
Friends, you must stop the demonic Eireans while you still can. They desire nothing more than the conquest of the entire world. Their Galloglach will come, rape your women, kill you, burn your cities to the ground, and indoctrinate your children to destroy you. The world will burn, crushed under their cruel rule. You must stop them!
From: Wessex
To: Britannia
We wish to know what your response to the League is.
From: Hittites
To: League of the Sea Peoples, Medes
Pay us 1 EP per turn or else!
From: Ur
To: Hittites
For 4 EP, you may have the eastern port and a corridor leading to it.
Rants from the Mod (OOC)
LittleBoots, the Galloglach, until and unless something changes in your government, have an effective veto power over your orders and diplo (though you can attempt to do things secretly so they don't know).
NK, cities can't be built without eco points, but since you didn't have a capital, Tyre was built for free.
I've decided that I shall use a sort of two-city system, with Cultural and Religious centers. Two people started wonders to build them, and you'll probably more of them popping up in the next few turns (Dublin is close to a religious center, Konigsberg and/or Agbatana may become cultural centers with investment, and Athens would have become one if it had won).
Farow, I know that the project seems long, but realize that you're getting a (at least) 4-point bonus--nearly 15%.
Sorry about your section, Iggy. I wore out at the end.
There's a correlation between imaginative, exciting orders and length in the update, as well as a correlation between position in the update (which depends on order you get your orders in) and length in the update. So write imaginative orders, and get them in early!
Scapegoat-for-the-turn: North King. Orders... so... long...
Best orders: North King
Deadline: Wednesday at 6.
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Stats are up.
Huh? Is my section of the map right?
Meh, I'm tired. But maybe if you could compare the map to my section in the update, or to the last map, you'll see that they're identical.
Other than that, good update.
To: Hittites
From: Medes
What? We are the Medes, conquerors of Susa and Babylon! We are the children of Iaxeres, the heirs to Darius the Great! You challenge us? Hittites, you are making a grand mistake beyond your reckoning. We implore you to withdraw your statement now, or face the fury of our army.
Meh, I'm tired. But maybe if you could compare the map to my section in the update, or to the last map, you'll see that they're identical.
Other than that, good update.
To: Hittites
From: Medes
What? We are the Medes, conquerors of Susa and Babylon! We are the children of Iaxeres, the heirs to Darius the Great! You challenge us? Hittites, you are making a grand mistake beyond your reckoning. We implore you to withdraw your statement now, or face the fury of our army.
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Not true. You expanded a lot west. You didn't expand east because the Armenians settled there, and I was too lazy to show expansion there. Remind me in your orders next time.
You call that an army? Absolutely pathetic.
You call that an army? Absolutely pathetic.
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
The map changed, but I didn't change that part... I was marking Rome as a cultural center. Wierd.....Lord_Iggy said:
From: Hittites
To: Medes
We don't wish to fight, just to rule over your people for eternity. If we can do that without fighting, we'll take that.
TerrisH
Mischief?
Orders in!
Update great. added a Little flavor to my orders, and one quip.
my wonder built a ship last turn. please add it to my stats.
Update great. added a Little flavor to my orders, and one quip.
my wonder built a ship last turn. please add it to my stats.
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Ship is added.TerrisH said:
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
How are we to know that you don't plan treachery?Lord_Iggy said:
OOC: If you're serious about this, you should know that your population will revolt, and revolt seriously. It will be nearly impossible to keep together.
Luckymoose
The World is Mine
Nevermind.
Similar threads
