GenghisK
...
Why women's brain has 4 parts?
One for each stove button.
One for each stove button.
jokes - keep them clean this time!!!!!
- Thread starter andyo
- Start date
starlifter
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That was admirably cleaned up, GK
. Kindof reminds me of those "Beer vs. Women" lists, LOL! Maple
Canadian Patriot
Originally posted by andyo
hey - a canadian guy doesn't get it - shocker - call the newspaper!!!!!
Aww, that hurts....:KNAS:.
Civfanatic
I dunno if i told it befoe, but here goes...
Two guys walks in to the hospital, one with a blue dick and one with a red dick. Both of them are scared of going in to the doctors office, but the doctor calls for the one with the red dick. He walks in and two minutes later he walks out with a big smile on his face, so the man with the blue dick walks in to the doctors office.
After looking at his penis for a while the doctor goes: "This needs to be amputated"
"But i just saw the guy with the red dick walk out of here happily" said the man with the blue penis
"Yes, but there is a difference between lipstick and gangrene" replied the doctor
ok i had to use the dictionary to translate the last word, so i dunno if its still funny, but the swedish word for it is Kallbrand
Two guys walks in to the hospital, one with a blue dick and one with a red dick. Both of them are scared of going in to the doctors office, but the doctor calls for the one with the red dick. He walks in and two minutes later he walks out with a big smile on his face, so the man with the blue dick walks in to the doctors office.
After looking at his penis for a while the doctor goes: "This needs to be amputated"
"But i just saw the guy with the red dick walk out of here happily" said the man with the blue penis
"Yes, but there is a difference between lipstick and gangrene" replied the doctor
ok i had to use the dictionary to translate the last word, so i dunno if its still funny, but the swedish word for it is Kallbrand
Yes, .:KNAS:., gangrene is the right word for that condition.
starlifter
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Hehe... good one! I'll have to remember that Swedish word to use with some of my Swedish relatives next time (I'm not a Swedish speaker, btw!)....
.:KNAS:.
Civfanatic
ah, good i was afraid it would loose in translation, the funny thing was it was my 4th grade teacher that tought me this joke. he also tought me a few more jokes however they would all be cencored here lol.
and starlifter: too bad u dont speak swedish, ur missin out on alotta fun, Gyllene Tider for example (ask ur relatives bout that)
and starlifter: too bad u dont speak swedish, ur missin out on alotta fun, Gyllene Tider for example (ask ur relatives bout that
)
GenghisK
...
A clean one then.
A pervert escaped jail and went into a cottage where a couple were sleeping. He bound the man to a chair and the woman to a couch. He slowly put his lips on her neck and whispered something to her. Then he ran into the bathroom. The husband said:
_ Honey, that guy has been in jail for 10 years and he never met any woman since he was caught.
She replied:
_ Yep, he told me he found you really cute and asked me if there was lubricant in the bathroom. So please, do anything he'll ask you to do, be courageous, I love you.
A pervert escaped jail and went into a cottage where a couple were sleeping. He bound the man to a chair and the woman to a couch. He slowly put his lips on her neck and whispered something to her. Then he ran into the bathroom. The husband said:
_ Honey, that guy has been in jail for 10 years and he never met any woman since he was caught.
She replied:
_ Yep, he told me he found you really cute and asked me if there was lubricant in the bathroom. So please, do anything he'll ask you to do, be courageous, I love you.
starlifter
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GhengisK, as usual, your jokes are well-oiled!! 
....
LOL.
My relatives will be teaching me some I'm sure when I go back there.
....LOL.
My relatives will be teaching me some I'm sure when I go back there
.
omichyron
Highly-Pixelated Globe
Here is one from my little brother:
A husband and wife are out golfing, when one of them accidently hits a golfball through a window of a near-by house. When they go to inspect the damage, however, they find a man with a turbin sitting on the floor. He tells them he is a genie, and will grant them two wishes, but keep third for himself.
The couple discusses it for a moment than decide on two wishes: to have an annual sallary of $1,000,000 and great golfers.
"Ok, you are now millionares and excellent golfers," the man in the turban says, "but for my wish I'd like to sleep with your wife."
The two discuss it once again and decide thats it's worth it, so the wife complies. When it's over, the man with the turban turns to her and says:
"So how long as your husband believed in this genie stuff, anyway?"
I'm not sure where he heard it.
A husband and wife are out golfing, when one of them accidently hits a golfball through a window of a near-by house. When they go to inspect the damage, however, they find a man with a turbin sitting on the floor. He tells them he is a genie, and will grant them two wishes, but keep third for himself.
The couple discusses it for a moment than decide on two wishes: to have an annual sallary of $1,000,000 and great golfers.
"Ok, you are now millionares and excellent golfers," the man in the turban says, "but for my wish I'd like to sleep with your wife."
The two discuss it once again and decide thats it's worth it, so the wife complies. When it's over, the man with the turban turns to her and says:
"So how long as your husband believed in this genie stuff, anyway?"
I'm not sure where he heard it.
.:KNAS:.
Civfanatic
allright, i KNOW ive said this one here before, but that was a long time ago in october in DaeEzT`s Jokes thread wich also contains a bunch of funny jokes.
There was a guy who bought a camel, thinking it would go fast.
But the problem was that the camel refused to move, no matter what he did, so he decided to take it to the smithy.
He said to the smithy " my camel refuses to move, no matter what".
And the smithy says "back the camel three steps"
And when he did, the smithy took the camels balls and put them on the anvil, or whatever you call it, and whacked it with his hammer. And the camel starts running like hell, so fast that theres a fire trace after him. So the guy says "great, how am i know gonna catch up to him?"
"Easy" the smithy said "take three steps backwards......."
DaEezT`s Jokes Thread
There was a guy who bought a camel, thinking it would go fast.
But the problem was that the camel refused to move, no matter what he did, so he decided to take it to the smithy.
He said to the smithy " my camel refuses to move, no matter what".
And the smithy says "back the camel three steps"
And when he did, the smithy took the camels balls and put them on the anvil, or whatever you call it, and whacked it with his hammer. And the camel starts running like hell, so fast that theres a fire trace after him. So the guy says "great, how am i know gonna catch up to him?"
"Easy" the smithy said "take three steps backwards......."
DaEezT`s Jokes Thread
GenghisK
...
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give the their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and
that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at
the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to
stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by
himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said. "Take off my
dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she continued. "Take off
my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she
then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the
tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
For those who thought anything else.... spank spank spank...
that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at
the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to
stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by
himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said. "Take off my
dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she continued. "Take off
my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she
then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the
tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
For those who thought anything else.... spank spank spank...
Serutan
Eatibus Anythingibus
This fellow had owned this large farm for several years. He
had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice,
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The
pond was fixed for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond
as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. As he
neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women
aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of
the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to
feed my alligators."
had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice,
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The
pond was fixed for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond
as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. As he
neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women
aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of
the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to
feed my alligators."
Switch625
I don't care.
Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home.
An Oklahoma man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and cornflakes, and a banana was sticking out of his butt....
Police suspect a cereal killer..
An Oklahoma man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and cornflakes, and a banana was sticking out of his butt....
Police suspect a cereal killer..
Zwelgje
Deity
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2001
- Messages
- 3,953
If you had sex for 365 times a year, you could melt all the condoms and have enough rubber to make a tyre. And you could call this tyre a F**king "GOODYEAR"
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A kid replied: .the legs.....because everynight I see my mums legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
ANSWER: When you pull down the stage curtainthe show is over. But when you pull down the PANTY...............IT'S SHOWTIME.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
AGES OF VAGINA:
16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T".
And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both,so I told him ...DON'T STOP!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh ****, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A kid replied: .the legs.....because everynight I see my mums legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
ANSWER: When you pull down the stage curtainthe show is over. But when you pull down the PANTY...............IT'S SHOWTIME.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
AGES OF VAGINA:
16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T".
And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both,so I told him ...DON'T STOP!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh ****, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!
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